Or rather is my mother?

[Buglove]

My mother recently confided in me a few things that have happened to her regarding a close friend almost family member...

This person is my stepdads best friend and his wife and my mum have become best friends over the years. There are 20 years between my mum and the others.

They were round my mums, my mum was looking after my son. She was changing his nappy and this man said to my son (15 months) 'ooh I bet you are enjoying that, a lady playing down there' (god I feel sick even writing it) my mum took my son and left the house. This man is no longer allowed in the house.

She than told me that as he is older than her he says she is like the daughter he never had and jokes 'say good bye to your dad' when they leave and kisses her on the cheek. Well one day he kissed her on the lips and tried to stick his tongue in!

Well my mum is adamant she wants to remain friends with the wife but will have nothing to do with the husband. She won't tell my stepdad because she is wOrried what he will do to his friend and she won't tell the friend because she doesn't want to upset her.

Now my stepdad and the couple are getting pissed off with mum being off or not visiting or have then visit. She will see her friend but won't go in her house. And to them she seems odd.

Sorry it's long..... I think she should tell them all the truth and explain her actions towards the man and why she doesn't want to see him again....

Would you tell or keep quite about such a vile disgusting old man?

Morally, I would hope she says something. However, I do know how hard this can be. Tough situation. Don't be hard on your mum.

Argh, she needs to explain to her husband! If he then chooses to go off pop about it, that's his look-out - but she needs to at least tell him.

The worst that could happen is that he won't believe her. I doubt he's going to go and do physical harm to his friend, is he?

She really needs to tell him.

I'm sure you'll say it's not, but the chances of two similar threads coming up at the same time is a bit suss.

Are you linked to this thread?

Yet another man saying something totally inappropriate and repulsive about a young child?

And if you are in a real dilemma, of course you should say something about someone making sexual remarks about your baby, why wouldn't you?

I'm not hard on her I feel so bad for her. Horrible thing to happen to anyone. I think my stepdad may do something violent as he is everso protective of her, I'd like to think he wouldn't tho the general feeling recently is that the man in questions is going a bit dotty. And I'm worried my mum will just blame it on that make excuses for him and sweep under the carpet. I know it's not my issue but I don't think it should just be forgotten and continue as if it never happened with my mum looking like the odd rude and difficult one

And no not linked to that thread although I had read it. A genuine question.

And zigzag are you saying I should say something as it was about my child?

And not meaning to drip feed but his wife was in the room when he made the comment about my son. She said nothing, did nothing.

Well if she thinks it can be put down to senility, then perhaps play it that way - hopefully your SD wouldn't be violent towards a possibly ill man!
However, becoming senile is no reason why your mum should put up with him losing inhibitions/inappropriate behaviour towards her - but she should still tell your SD.

This is ingrained tbh, in older women (and i include myself), the idea that you mustn't upset people, even in circumstances such as these.

It is that sense of responsibility that prevents women from speaking out about all inapropriate behaviour and even an attempted sexual assault, which is what the forced kiss was.

I know that your son is young but to extend his behaviour to include a child, is very wrong and people need to know about this.

X post.

His wife needs to face up to what is going on.

I would not be happy with my child being around him, whilst everyone is in denial.

I know my sd wouldn't doubt her. I don't think he would do anything silly but we are both unsure how he would act. I'm now thinking she should ditch the both of then if the wife heard it and didn't react. They practically foster there 2 grandsons (issues with the children's mother) and that makes me feel disgusted that he's around kids and is capable of vocalising such awful things

I'm now thinking I should report him to someone. He made a disgusting comment about my baby son and he practically lives with his two young grandsons.

Anyone can express a concern to adult or child services, but i would want a discussion between your family first.

I wouldn't allow your mother to not include your SD, everyone around this man should be aware of him, so they can safeguard others.

You weren't there though - so no one would be able to do anything because it's only hearsay. Your mum could report him if she felt so inclined though. Might be worth it to flag as a concern re. the grandsons.

Anyone can report a concern, even if it is hearsay.

If the GS's are displaying behaviours in school, it could piece things together.

I think I will encourage her to report him for the sake of the grandchildren which I'm sure she will do as she couldn't risk it effecting children.