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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask who provides what on contact visits

3 replies

Socknickingpixie · 19/08/2012 00:52

the reason for my question is a friend who has recently parted company from the father of her 3 dc's ages 14,13,10 is in a bit of a suituation that has prompted me to think about this.

she gets no maintainance and even when thats sorted out it will only be £5 a week for all of them,she is on a very low income and cant work more at the mo she has a disability that makes it hard for her to keep up with the 4 hours a week she works at the mo.

he moved out but keeps turning up on the doorstep not wanting to see kids but wanting to hassle her she made it clear this wouldnt be tollerated so he now randomly turns up to see the kids but wont leave the house with them unless she gives him money for bus fares ect.

thinking about her suituation has got me thinking about another friend who has a 9 month old son his dad pays nothing and refuses to see the baby if she is around,he also wont go anywhere with the baby unless mum provides everything he may need including food/nappies basicly everything he has allready broken a expensive pram combo buggy moden thingy she had (a pram that on clicking a few magic buttons converts to a buggy) and neglected to return a carseat to her.

i find this rather odd but am at a total loss as to what is concidered normal with contact arangements and equpiment and what advice/support i can give them when they talk about it to me,
so is this normal or are they being ur what do you reckon would be reasonable

OP posts:
spongebobsquareeyes · 19/08/2012 00:58

Not normal! When DP and I split up (back together now) he kept a supply of nappies for DD2 at his, I did pack bags for them with clothes and their toys but he would foot all travel costs, meals etc, plus he paid £200 maintenance. We assumed this was the norm. I honestly don't know what I would have done if he started demanding bus fare from me etc., because maybe this is the only way that the mothers can ensure their DCs have contact with their fathers? Doesn't make it acceptable though!

Birdsgottafly · 19/08/2012 00:58

It dependson the individuals circumstances, tbh.

Most non resident parents would be happy to pay for basics for their children, as do any GP who have their GC's regulary, but in reality if the other party is on a really low income then the arrangement of the parent who gets any benefits for the child to supply what is needed, can be made.

In the case of him breaking the pram etc, then that is taking the piss.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 19/08/2012 01:15

When me and my ex supply the first time, and he moved into his own place (he is now living with his Dad who doesn't leery the boys stay) he had the boys overnight one or 2 weekends a month. To start with I was sending all clothes, toothbrushes etc. But I got fed up with things not coming back, so I bought some toothbrushes, and toothpaste for them to keep there. And we agreed that he would always have 1 outfit for each of them, so what ever I sent then in that week, stayed at his, and he washed it ready for them to wear the next time iyswim.

No that we have split again, and he only has them for 1 day a week, I don't provide anything. no food, drinks etc.

Having said that they were both out of nappies when we split, had they been babies I don't know what we would have done.

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