'Selling' myself and my family

[solidgoldbrass]

Over the years, in the past, I have done stuff for money which involved talking about aspects of my life/experiences. At one point I met a bloke who tried to interest me in 'selling my story' (he wanted to broker the deal and get his commission) - I told him to sod off, though politely.

Recently I have been thinking about it a bit (because we are so skint and because it annoys the crap out of me whenever The Mainstream starts banging on about how marriage and couplehood is the only way to raise healthy children) - I could sell a blog/book/regular column etc on the basis that DS dad and I are happily raising a happy, healthy child despite not being in a couple-relationship and not wanting one.

AIBU: to think it's a vile idea and none of us would ever recover, and DS would be bullied at school for being publicised against his will? Or AIBU and being a wuss when actually speaking out about how it's perfectly possible to be amicable co-parents might actually help other people (and make us a few quid)?

It's a tough one

Firstly (and please don't take this the wrong way) would anyone actually be interested? I mean given the millions of blogs out there by people in all different situations?

Secondly, when it comes to documenting your child's life...or any aspect of it in a public way, I would definitely think long and hard (which I realise you are doing)

I think a good way to look at it is...if you won the lottery tomorrow, would you still do it?

If the answer is no, then ask yourself why?

I'm not sure your son would be bullied (how old is he). However, if you are thinking of a newspaper style piece, they tend to be heavily edited and/or what you say can be twisted to give the impression that the newspaper wants so I'd be inclined to say don't do it.

Guess it depends on how juicy it is and would anyone read it.
As for ds, unless it's about him or likely to be negative about him, think he will be fine.

There's something like 4 million active blogs in circulation. And people make money from blogging through ads and pr tie-ins. Is your lifestyle that unusual that it will gain a readership? (I don't mean that to sound snippy. It's just there's quite a lot of competition out there and very few people make real money from blogging)

If it pays, and you need the money, and you can change names etc, to be annonnymous, go for it, why not?

Worra: Not taken the wrong way at all. What I was thinking of was a book backed up by blogging and chasing old contacts (no point in shooting one's load for £200 in Take A Break when there could be more to be done). Lots of people write, sell and publicize books (particularly about parenting/relationships) based on their own massive ego and experiences and mildly unusual circumstances.

I suppose what I am really thinking is: could I write and flog a book about how to be a non-couple-relationship parent without dropping my whole family into the media spotlight whether they like it or not.

Reading this bit of the OP again...

"I could sell a blog/book/regular column etc on the basis that DS dad and I are happily raising a happy, healthy child despite not being in a couple-relationship and not wanting one"

Are there not millions of parents doing exactly the same thing?

Unless you have some sort of unique angle perhaps?

If I'm being honest doesn't sound like a best seller so unlikely to be a problem for family. Other option is to write under another name.

X posted sorry

I see what you're saying now...but again I suppose it boils down to whether or not you have a unique angle.

I'm sure we'd be forgiven for thinking that most separated parents are forever warring...just from reading MN.

But in RL, I know many many separated parents who quite happily co-parent and are very good at it.

Interesting question. A few thoughts:

1. 'My child might get bullied at school' is not generally a good reason to not put your head above the parapet if it is otherwise worth doing so. Bullying is impossible to predict - sometimes the thing you might expect them to get bullied about can turn out to be a source of playground status.

2.From your posts on here I would guess that you have something interesting and worthwhile to say about this subject.

1. An important issue is how much control you end up having. People selling life stories to the Daily Mail/Take A Break often get shafted. Writing your own blog or column, even as part of a wider publication, is a very different kettle of fish.

1. The premise of this doesn't sound like it should be particularly damaging. 'It is possible to raise a happy child like this' is very different from 'What a hard time I am having with my dreadful teenager', which is obviously a mean thing to do to a child. If you end up feeling like you can't write about the stuff that is really going on because it's too private and it starts to feel falsified then you would have to stop, I imagine.

1. If it feels like it goes against your instincts you shouldn't do it.

so is your 'edge' the fact that you are not a couple but are co parenting? If so it sounds seriously un interesting. but i suppose if it is well written...have you had anything published already?

How much money are we talking? And how unusual is your situation? There are loads of co parent relationships.

Stilldazed: Yes; I have written for various magazines over the years (fiction and non-fiction and - before having DS - some stuff which involved describing personal experiences).

Tunip/Worra: what seems to be the mainstream position is that parents are eithe r in a couple-relationship or It's All Wrong and Broken and they are at war/the man's fucked off. What I think is that it's possible to be contented co-parents without all this crap; our little family works perfectly well. (very basic short version = DS dad and I longterm pals and drinking buddies who sometimes had a shag. One of those shags resulted in DS. DS lives with me, his dad sees him at least twice a week and contributes regular money and we also have 'family' days out from time to time. And both sets of grandparents are/were (my father died last year) regularly in contact and involved. It can be done.)

I know quite a few people in your situation, it's not unusual, people just dont talk about it much because there's not much to say

Hand on heart sgb I know many, many people in your situation.

I really do think though that since I joined MN, my view of this sort of thing has been skewed and it's almost abnormal.

But in reality, it so isn't.

But I don't think that's what you're asking is it?

So regarding your son and his privacy, whatever you choose to do I think you should question whether you'd still do it if you didn't need the money.

If the answer is yes, then go for it...but if the answer is no then don't do it.

It sounds too boring to read about tbh.

As for selling your private life to the media, under the circumstances I doubt you'd get any attention but you can't control how they will portray you and they'll have to 'sex' your story up to make it interesting to their readers so god knows what they would exaggerate/make up to achieve that.

sgb I do love your posts and always find your take interesting. I have no doubt you can write. But I think the relative rarity of your situation could play against you. Who reads yummy mummy blogs? Other yummy mummies or wanna be yummy mummies. Who would read happy co-parenting blogs? Other happy co-parents? But your original point was that there aren't very many happy co-parent-ers about... So who do you think is your readership?

As an aside, I have been written about in various books and mentioned on related tv appearances by a family member who is an author/broadcaster and although a pseudonym has been used, I've found it to be intrusive and upsetting.

I'm not saying this would be the case for your LO but you should think very carefully about writing something that could be damaging in the future.

I'm probably not being very clear (after a few gins) but your child has their own life that they may not want the world to read about.

What I am thinking now: People who are not only even less interesting than me but even worse writers than me are making a few quid telling other people how to exist.

VS

If I do this I am going to turn into either Liz Jones or Samantha Brick. Or Julie Myerson. And I would rather stick my head in a bucket of spiders (BIG BITEY ONES). So I think it's probably a great big no.

Tbh nothing you have said yet makes me think 'wow, that's going to make really successful copy'

There are many posters on MN who write interestingly and have an insightful outlook but its a massive leap to think that will translate to successful blogs/ books. It's true that there does seem to be an industry in flogging your life story, (god knows why) but I imagine for every blog or book which gets a decent readership, there will be countless others which don't.

As a separate issue, if it were going to impact negatively on your ds life then that would be a big no no for me.
He's entitled to his life to be kept private

go for it SGB. you've obviously thought it out, you can write.

you'll never be like her (brick face) because you are ours!

"DS dad and I longterm pals and drinking buddies who sometimes had a shag. One of those shags resulted in DS"

would your DS want everyone to know about this?

To be frank, families come in all shapes and sizes these days. If you're talking about eg the weekly column by the family with 2 gay dads in the guardian, then aaaaaaargh please don't! (I almost cancelled my saturday guardian because i was getting so fed up of hearing about their daily existence, but thankfully they've disappeared for now!)