to consider deferring dd's enrolment to reception

[bushymcbush]

Because she has recently regressed in her toilet habits. She regularly wets her pants, always has to be reminded to wipe herself (and then only wipes if being supervised and instructed), always has to be reminded to flush, and to wash hands.

Yesterday she wet herself twice because she was enjoying herself at a friend's house and thought she would wait.

Today she soiled herself twice because she had poos but didn't wipe.

Her bum is constantly red and sore from not wiping / being wet.

We have talked to her about it (gently) hundreds of times. If anything, it's getting worse. She starts school in 2 weeks - I can't send her to school with such awful toilet habits can I?

She is very young in the yeargroup - she will be 4 next week. She has been out of nappies for over a year and had no problems until the last few months, and now it's getting worse. I don't think it's anxiety about starting school - she's very excited about it.

What do I do?

Personally I would speak to the school and see what they say.

If the teacher is aware, she/he may remind your DD at intervals during the day about going to the toilet (most class teachers remind everyone at certain points anyway)

And the bum wiping...well it's possible she won't need to do a poo at school and that her routine will fall towards home time?

Either way, this certainly won't be a 'new' problem for the school so please don't worry about speaking to them.

It's not just wiping after a poo, she doesn't wipe after a wee either. Then her pants get damp and smelly.

Id talk to the school and see what their reaction to the situation is. Im a TA in a reception class so I'd be the one dealing with it if your dd was coming into my class. I'd be happy to work with your dd and see how it goes, she might behave differently at school if the wiping can be introduced as just one of those things that we do at school, just like putting your coat on your peg or whatever.

Has your dd been to nursery or pre school?

When I sent my DS to reception he was badly potty trained.

Could you leave it to see what happens when she starts school and sees other girls?

Is there any physical incentive for her to go to the toilet rather than a ticking off/ seeing mum's anxiety?

Sorry barely not badly ...

Hi Bush. Our DD started school this week. She is 4.6 and still is not dry. She was referred to the hospital and was diagnosed with an impacted bowel which has been sorted out with medication. However, she still wets.

I was so anxious about sending her to school. We're managing things with pads in her pants. The school have been great and really helpful, so far. It didn't seem to phase them at all. She had an accident on day one and managed to change her pad.

We are waiting for DD to be referred to an incontinence service.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest taking your DD to see your GP to get her checked out.

I feel your pain. It's so stressful having an incontinent child. We've had over 18 months of it and it is hellish.

Good luck.

My DD is 5.7 and has only in the last few months started wiping her own bottom, flushing the toilet, then washing her hands. We did a star chart which really helped. Admittedly, she doesn't ever wet herself, but one of her friends (same age) came to play recently and wet herself, despite a couple of reminders from me.

What I'm trying to say is that your daughter's 'problem' is well within the realms of normal, and certainly nothing that her school won't have dealt with.

You can get dry like me pads which may help contain the mess from not wiping???
My ds was not toilet trained when he started school last year, he wore pull ups at first but progressed to the pads

As a Reception teacher I would say talk to the teacher and send her.
It is amazing what can happen when a child is surrounded by 29 of her peers. The TA should be abel to accompany your child to the toilet to begin with and sticker charts do such amazing things with reception children!!
It certainly wouldn't be anything I haven't seen or dealt with many times in the past.

Reception class worked wonders for my son, he had his 4th birthday only a week before school started, he was terrible for being too busy to go wee, and having a wet patch. By Christmas he got himself sorted, plus having a damp patch in winter gave him a raw penis. I told him keep the beggar dry and it won't be sore any more. Seemed to work!

I could have written this post! DD has just gone 4 this week and starts reception in September. She has been out of nappies the same length of time too and immediately stayed dry at nights too. But the last few months she has just stopped wiping herself. She is also very site each day and has soiled knickers due to the not wiping. We have even give her baby wipes on the bathroom but still no use. We keep reminding her but I am also worried about how she will get on at school with nobody to help her. Just tonight she was in tears her bum was so sore. Just wanted to say I sympathise with you op and will be reading the answers myself.

The thing I'd focus on is the change in her behaviour if she had already been TT. Is it the thought of going to 'big girl' school that is worrying her? Has something else changed in her life that could be a source of worry for her?

In Ireland every teacher I know (If I think about it is somewhere between 12-15)....send their children at 5.....I'm sending my son to his local school at 5 (a very good primary school) and at 5 he's hitting a pretty average entry age.

(At 4.3, he is TT but wiping his arse is pretty much a gesture as a function....trying to get him to flush atm )

Thanks everyone - some great advice and reassurance that she's not unusual.

I will talk to her teacher.

Aw poor dd. I agree about speaking to the school and seeing how they can help.

Ds has been nappy free for a year but still has the occassional accident and he is useless at wiping his bum and remembering to wash his hands. But he's managed at nursery. How does your dd manage at nursery?

My DS always does runny poos and would not wipe his bottom when he had been. The staff knew that. He had a bit of an accident while at school and they cleaned him up and changed him but told me I had to collect him because he had diarrhoea. I picked him up, but reminded them that if they were going to wait for a solid poo, he would miss an awful lot of his education. He has had one more poo accident and one wee accident. I don't think they thought of it as a big deal.

My child is starting school this time, and is 4y 9m, I'm so happy he is older, he really is ready to go, whereas my older two were babies, only just having turned 4.
If you can defer, and feel your child would benefit from it, I would