to not want to make chit chat with someone who has bullied my son?

[carrotsandcelery]

It's a very long story but, the brief version is that I was at a party tonight and had to leave as I was scared for what I might say to a woman there who was trying to make chit chat with me.

She and two other mums bullied my son in underhand ways and to such a degree that he ended up suffering from anxiety and depression and having to see a psychologist for much of last year.

My son had to be taken home from the party earlier as he had a panic attack.

It is a very small village and it would have ruined the party for everyone else for me to have told her how I felt about her.

I am really upset. Why can't she just leave us alone having made her hatred for my son blatantly obvious?

YANBU if that's how you feel

But I'm curious to know how two adults managed to bully a child and why?

Obviously you don't have to explain.

They made complaints to the school and the headteacher took my son into her office and yelled at him without investigating the story. She then discovered the story was untrue.

They ostracised him and told their children stories about him which were untrue.

The story goes on and on and gets pretty ugly but both the school and the psychologist have now called it bullying.

Why would she try to chat to me? There were loads of people there. Why not chat to someone she hadn't tortured?

YANBU But I don't know why she's behaving in the way she is. I just don't think people appreciate how unreasonable they've been / believe things that aren't true.

A woman at my DS's school has made repeated complaints about my DS (7). The school have not upheld any of these complaints and consider his behaviour very normal for a 7 YO and a non issue - occasional domineering play as in "I don't want to play that game that way" .

She has sent me long emails complaining about my DS and text messages. She has also made complaints about (much admired) teachers, catering staff, food, after school clubs, etc. If she hadn't done that I worry that maybe more attention would have been to her complaints against DS - and I've become very paranoid about him being labelled even though I know he's not the child she describes. Likewise she's told her DS untrue stories about my DS.

She's tried to friendly chat with me at school gates and I was just "Hi" and dashed off - as I can't be trusted to keep my mouth shut and I just want it all to go away. She then sent me an email telling me I was rude and unreasonable and that I should behave better next time as she's been perfectly within her rights to complain about my DS. The school have reiterated that my DS is absolutely fine. I'm dreading bumping into her next term.

Sorry OP - no wise words. Just (you can have mine, I'm preggers and had a drink already tonight).

God you're definitely NBU then!

Jeezo, I'd have done the same in your position.

Thanks everyone! It is a very bizarre situation. Giraffe I am sorry you have had a very similar experience. Congrats on your pregnancy though

I have had a and dh has given me a cuddle so I feel a bit less fraught.

Term starts again on Tuesday and I am dreading the playground, despite having lots of great friends who have been there through all the nonsense.

Sorry I did hijack a bit!

Good luck on Tuesday. Maintain a cool, calm exterior. Glad to hear you've got friends who know what's what. That helps.

Not a hijack at all Giraffe. I know how horrid such weird behaviour is and sympathise.

I'm just sorry your DS is obviously aware. Hope it blows over next term for you

I hope they get bored and move onto the next issue when they realise no one is listening?

Oh I feel your pain OP.

For two years I had to sit opposite a woman in governors meetings who humiliated my DD by photocopying her entry in the class bear's record book and showing it to loads of parents in the playground asking them to comment on why a child with such dreadful handwriting should be in the top literacy group. (my DD is dyslexic, dyspraxic and dysgraphic),

She repeatedly tried to chit chat to me. She asked me to nominate her for special needs governor. I gave her a frosty look and said "I believe we both know why I'm not going to do that". She stood down shortly after. I think I cheered when I read the email.

These people usually trip themselves up. You're a better person so just ignore her and hope that when she trips herself up it is a) spectacular and b) that you are there to see it

Another one here who had a similar situation (posted about it). I maintained a civil but arms length relationship at the school gate, could say i was being passive aggressive I suppose but was the best I could do for a little over a year. In the last term of year six I just started ignoring her. She quickly did the same. Which was fine by me. Think it very sad that it reached that point and I had to behave that way but felt no option. Sounds like you're steering the same course of civility and subtle avoidance. No real advice, just wanted you to know it had happened to someone else also. All the very best wishes to your DS.

Good god, Giraffe -- she has 'ishoos' (and how!) but it seems the school recognises this. Ignore, mark her emails as spam so they don't get into your inbox, block her calls and texts and otherwise ignore her. Please.

I am so sorry that others have had to deal with things like this. I am grateful that you have shared your stories though and made me realise that we are not alone.

I too go for polite avoidance when we have to interact. There was no need to speak to her at all last night though.

YANBU I had a similiar problem with ds1. His 'bully' was a parent helper at his school and she spread all kinds of nasty talk around about him He was blackballed from cubs and was never invited to any parties or get togethers. He has son SN and was being assessed by CAMHS on and off.

I did have the last laugh however. She happened to see ds1 having horseplay in the playground with her son (pfb) one lunchtime and she rushed out and grabbed ds1 and started screaming into his face and shaking him.

She duly went and confessed to the HT and had to leave the premises immediately, I also reported her to the police and gave her a bit of stress for a few weeks. Her son was laughing whilst his mum did this to ds1 btw, so he was hardly stressed about it. ds1 was shocked though and upset about it.

After years of nastiness and being ostracised it was nice to see her being brought down like that (she was an alpha mum too)

I think if she tries it on again a direct challange like helena's would be good eg " why on earth do you think it is appropriate for you to approach me?" and walk away leaving her looking like the cuntbitch she is - am sure mn could come up with some real good oneliners to put her back in her place....

One of the mums involved in our sorry tale is an Alpha Mum too, or she was.

maddening I am really tempted to say something in future. I had to leave as it would have ruined a great night for everyone else if I had but it is different in the playground.

Thank you tarty. I've blocked the emails but not the telephone number. The school wanted me to forward a particular email to them but I just didn't want it to blow up any more - though, I've said, if her complaint against this teacher gets to the governors then I'll let the school have the email as evidence of her unreasonable expectations because I really rate this teacher and she doesn't deserve this.

If she tries to contact me again my DH is going to contact her DP who seems pretty down to earth. I had a feeling he'd be at the most recent (very long) email. Friends who have read it have been completely horrified.

I've very much taken the passive aggressive route - there's a lot to be said for it - I don't want to chat and be "friendly" but I don't want a confrontation either so I pretend indifference.

Thought this kind of thing was behind me as slide towards my 40s but seems lots of it about!