to get into a game of I Love the Animals Most top trumps and fucking win it?

[SundaeGirl]

We keep hens with our neighbours. Works well, shares the work/cost/eggs and we're all happy so far until now.

Recently, the six hens have become uber confident and are now running at the DCs and friends when they have food or are eating outside and stealing it off plates and out of hands to much distress. After the heavy rain they also wrecked the lawn in front of our house [pride and joy emoticon] because the moss came up. Despite this, we still adore them and there's tonnes of space for them.

On Monday, we got two new hens and so the new hens go into a coop inside the run to familiarise themselves with the others. In order to do this the others have to stay in the run too. DH extend the run - it's now 60sq metres.

I have suggested to the neighbours that the hens live primarily in the run from now on. My neighbours have reacted as though I am Bernard Matthews. In a passive-aggressive exchange my neighbour said she had 'concerns'. When I asked her directly if she thought DH or I would would ever treat an animal badly or provide anything other than a happy and healthy environment, she nodded and just said, 'well you know I do have concerns, yes, I really just haven't had the time to research it'. We have had the hens three and a half months, six weeks of which they were in the run exclusively.

Fuck. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. I fucking love those animals. DH says I should be nice as she has no children. I feel that she knows I spend hours researching the hens' care, on forums, in books, at poultry shows, I adore them - she was being spiteful. Can I fight back? AIBU?

Oh, I know that was an annoyingly long post. I probably wouldn't have read to the bottom either.

Take a photo of each hen and laminate a "rogue's gallery" with their names under each picture. Ask her to tick which ones she is going to apply for custody of when you split the flock, wipe away a single tear, and say you have heard that they can die of grief, but since she is so concerned about you, you cannot in conscience share any longer as you can't bear the thought of her thinking ill of you, so she can have first choice of half the birds. Sob some more and walk away with your shoulders shaking.
Or...
ask if she's heard the rumour that a fox has been sighted, in broad daylight, prowling round. Or spread the rumour yourself so it gets back to her via someone else.
Or tell her to fuck off you've never been so insulted in your life and did she mean to be so rude?

Or squawk like a chicken while flapping you elbows and flicking the ground with you feet. Then look her straight in the eye, laugh maniacally, then walk away.