Should I leave the bastard over leftovers in the bin?!

[giraffecrossing]

Last night I made a lovely meal for us and left the pan with quite a substantial amount of leftovers on the stove. DH cleaned up.

So I go to the fridge this evening to heat up left overs and find he just threw it out. I am livid. He has gone away for a couple of days with family who are visiting, and I couldn't go as LO is sick. He will enjoy a nice meal in a restaurant tonight and we have nothing decent to eat. Even if we did I can't really spend ages cooking tonight with LO needing lots of TLC.

I phoned to ask him where the leftovers were and he doesn't even remember what he did with them. I know he threw it out as the clean pan is there. I am so pissed off as its just so thoughtless. DH never cooks (he's crap at it so I prefer to do it) but I feel so angry that he can't even fucking clean up properly without instruction. Is it not fucking obvious that you keep a massive pot full of food?!!! grrrrrr. He even had the cheek to hang up on me after saying "well this is nice, thanks for phoning me". Can he not see why I'm upset by this?

To top it all off, yesterday was a pretty important day for me and he never even gave me a card. I just feel like he's so thoughtless and find myself really disliking him right now. And I'm sure he dislikes his nagging wife right now.

I know it sounds petty but I want to be able to think I have a really happy marriage and right now I just don't. I know marriages have there ups and downs but I just feel so fed up. I really fell like getting away but we live overseas, so no family/friends nearby to go visit.

All that from a casserole! ;)

It is not the casserole.

You are feeling isolated, which is normal when you live abroad and don't have your family around.

Have you met anyone where you are? Do you get out of the house at all?

Did he say soemething to you yesterday, to mark the special day? Or ws it ignored?

I'll be honest, this sounds like something that would be a tiny annoyance if your overall situation felt good. TBH I would be a bit fed up if dh rang me specifically to give me a hard time over my clueless efforts to clean up - especially if I had cleaned up.

'we live overseas, so no family/friends nearby to go visit'

THAT sounds like much more of an issue.

NO! My Dh does this all the time dnd it drives me fucking mental. I hate waste. We have a 2 year old so even small amounts of leftovers can make a nice lunch for him the next day, but he just slings them. Or feeds them to the rats. Argh!

oh, and yanbu to be annoyed about the casserole. It is the kind of thing that my DH would do.

How is your little one?

It's annoying, but not annoying enough to be legitimately upset about on its own.

You should tell him you need more support because you're struggling, it doesn't make the support you get anything less because you've had to ask for it.

As others have said it's not just the casserole is it?

My DH would probably have asked if it's for saving or for the dog's bowl...but then again, if it was for saving I would have put it in the fridge.

You're all right of course. It is more than just the casserole. I do normally get out a fair bit and we have some good friends here, but with LO being sick since Sunday we've been pretty much housebound and I'm a bit fed up with it. (He's getting there, thanks Optimist).

Like I say we have friends nearby, what we don't have is people that live in other parts of the country to visit. This, I realise, I really miss. To just go and visit people for a weekend if I want a bit of space. Going to a hotel just me and LO would be a bit depressing!

DH did say something yesterday, but only later in the day. The thing is we spoke about it last week so I know he didn't forget. He just didn't make the effort to buy/do anything. This is quite typical at birthday/christmas/valentines too. I normally just say its fine, not a big deal, we don't really do anniversaries.... but thats just because HE doesn't! I would like a bit more effort. Which I have said. Yesterday I just really needed the gesture as I've had a hard week with LO.

DH works long hours and I often feel like a single mum (without the financial pressure, I know). With no family I get little respite. That, I think is maybe the heart of the problem. Thanks for reading, I think I just needed to rant!

Oh, and as for the casserole, it wasn't just a little bit left. I had deliberately made loads. There was half a big pan. Who throws that out?!

Giraffe
I have been there. I lived abroad most of my adult life and I know how hard it can be. I have also seen the strain it puts on marriages - you really need to pull together for it to work. And that is difficult when he is working a lot.

I don't know where you are, but perhaps you should try getting away for a few days, even if it is just you and your lo. A wee change might do you good.

My husband is hopeless at present buying, and I have all but given up now. It is not that he doesn't love me, or appreciate me, or is proud of me - he is, and he celebrates my achievements. It just would not occur to him to show it by buying a gift or a card.

I also find that the more work he has, the less creative and thoughtful he is, so that might be playing a part as well.

Thoughtlessness really erodes my good feelings for people so I can see why you're so cross. Sometimes I just want to shout "how about you just engage your fucking brain" to my BF even though he's a great bloke most of the time. It bugs me when things I think are simple just don't register.