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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to justify DS going to nursery!

50 replies

startwig1982 · 16/08/2012 19:40

I'm a teacher and so, obviously, I'm off at the moment. As I work pt, DS goes to nursery 3 days a week. We have to pay regardless of whether he goes or not. Consequently, he's been going during the holidays as normal apart from a few odd days when we're going away.
I've had to explain this to several people who have stopped me and asked where DS is and pil have questioned him going to nursery. I'm a bit sick of having to justify spending a bit of time with DH and being able to do some housework without a little helper! DS is 14 mo and still very reliant on us. Is it so wrong just to want to have a little time to ourselves?

OP posts:

WelshMaenad · 16/08/2012 20:12

Also, I'm a SAHM and in term time my 2 year old does 2 mornings a week at nursery just so I can have some frigging peace. He loves it, I love the me time, he sees plenty of me otherwise, everyone's happy. Anyone who frowns on my lovely arrangement can sod off!

JumpingThroughHoops · 16/08/2012 20:12

I always sent mine. You pay for a service, you use it.

Other people and their opinions never really bothered me enough to give any credence.

MulberryMoon · 16/08/2012 20:59

"Is it so wrong just to want to have a little time to ourselves? " No it isn't, but 3 full days is quite a lot of time to yourselves. Up to you of course.

GhostShip · 16/08/2012 21:06

It's up to you but I wouldn't. 3 full days is a lot.

wimblehorse · 16/08/2012 21:15

Love all the "but they grow so fast", "2 days would be fine" comments.
The op is with him 4 days (plus 7 evenings/nights/mornings) and days out in the holidays!

Sounds like a nice arrangement and if you, dh and dc are happy, ignore any commentary.

KellyElly · 16/08/2012 21:20

Your family - noone else's business. YANBU :)

Tanith · 16/08/2012 21:25

I have term time only children. Some attend for a few days in the holidays for continuity and while Mum gets her classroom straight; some do not.

Those that do not invariably spend a good hour on my sofa the first morning of term, being cuddled while they sob. They're soon ok again, but that first morning is always fraught.

YANBU

Dozer · 16/08/2012 21:29

wouldn't ever say this in RL, it's your business, but since you ask, it doesn't sound too great for him.

(I work 3 days and have used nurseries)

4ducks · 16/08/2012 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 16/08/2012 21:49

I think it does little ones good to keep in routine.

squeakytoy · 16/08/2012 21:52

The baby doesnt know that mum is off work, his routine is exactly as normal, so he will be happy.. and if the mother wasnt a teacher, she wouldnt have the option of 6 week holidays either.

It is good to keep a relationship alive, having children should not mean a couple just become "mum and dad" and no longer spend time doing things as a couple.

LimeLeafLizard · 16/08/2012 21:53

YANBU.

I agree that the random people who have asked you where he is are probably just making conversation and have noticed he's not with you.

Perhaps PIL have a slightly more old fashioned view about a baby always being with its mother? (mine did, and were very when I first went back to work and left him in nursery - 8 years later they have seen how common this is and see it as normal)

edwinbear · 16/08/2012 21:55

YANBU. DS is still going to nursery, as usual, 3 days a week and I have been on maternity leave the past 9 months.

BikeMedalsRunningMedals · 16/08/2012 21:55

I am on mat leave with DC2. DS still goes to nursery 3 days a week (as he has sine he was one) and has done since DD was born. It helps that my Childcare Voucher contributions are paid by work when I am on ML; combined with his Early Years funding, that's DS's nursery costs very nearly covered, giving DD a bit of peace and quiet without him.

HomeEcoGnomist · 16/08/2012 21:56

I'd bloody love it.

Like the idea of saying 'he's at nursery as they told me it's important for his routine'

BikeMedalsRunningMedals · 16/08/2012 21:56

In fact, I am in the same position as Edwin.

downbythewater · 16/08/2012 21:57

I don't see why not- my sister is a teacher full time and in the holidays has to pay a 2.5 days a week retainer- so she sends her DC in on those days.

If you weren't a teacher and worked 3 days (as many pt workers do) then he would be in 3 days a week all year round and noone would question it.

And finally I know several SAHMs who use summer clubs when the kids are off school and send younger kids to nursery 2 or 3 days.

Enjoy the time off!

Rainshine · 16/08/2012 22:04

Yabvu. I'm going back to work and have just discovered my new child minder has no intention of taking the DCs when I'm on holiday. Doesn't seem worth going back!

sobs in corner

ColourMeWithChaos · 16/08/2012 22:07

YANBU!

If your DS is anything like mine, 6 weeks out of nursery would be just long enough for him to completely get out of the routine and then in September we would have to start again with him not wanting to go, crying at being left etc.

Continuity and consistency is a good thing for children!

Chestnutx3 · 16/08/2012 22:08

Do whatever keeps you sane, its obviously doing your relationship with your DH alot of good. At 14 months old routine (depending on the child) can be important. You will have years of holidays with them so why not. Many people are envious of course, like me and have to plonk our kids in front of the TV to pack for hols/do housework etc... is it any better doubt it.

Only thing I woud question is still at that age my DC would have been happing for 2-3 hours a day and I got everything done then. Not all babies nap I know.

exoticfruits · 16/08/2012 22:12

People always make the mistake of thinking they have to explain and justify-they are just too polite! All you have to do is smile, nod and say 'it suits us'-repeat as necessary and never deviate from the same words. Change the subject each time.

McHappyPants2012 · 16/08/2012 22:13

i may be wrong, but a teacher has planning to do in the hoildays without childcare how is she/he going to get that done. i belive every parent should also get a break if possible.

vigglewiggle · 16/08/2012 22:15

Not something I would do, since you asked.

bamboostalks · 16/08/2012 22:21

Well it's entirely up to you. I do pay for holidays too but as I work long hours in term time and do not see enough of them, I keep them with me in holidays. I would feel strange having three days to myself, I owe it to them to spend my time with them. Couldn't give a hoot about housework.
Why care about other people's judgments though?

EMS23 · 16/08/2012 22:21

My DD is at nursery 2 days a week even though I'm on mat leave, awaiting the imminent arrival of DD2. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks but if I had to, I'd probably mention the waiting list for her place, which she'd lose if I took her out. As I'm returning to work, I need her to keep that place.

Plus her routine remaining the same and that I get the time on my own to do boring stuff like housework so we can have fun the other days.

And I've loved the time DH and I have had together. He works from home and is self employed so we've had some lovely lunches, a spa day and even an afternoon siesta the other day. It was true and pure bliss!!

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