To think that cheating should not be called a "mistake"?

[Yogagirl17]

It just makes my blood boil every time I hear someone - whether its in real life or on telly/movies/etc - refer to an affair as a "mistake"! Maybe...maybe if we're talking a one-off drunken one night stand that is confessed and suitably atoned for...maybe that's a mistake. But an ongoing affair (I don't care if it was for 3 years or 3 weeks) that involves lying, manipulating, deception...that's not a mistake. That's a betrayal of trust. I don't care what anyone says, these things dont "just happen" - people make choices.

YANBU - I completely agree ....

Like I've said before, a mistake is putting a coloured in with the white washing, or dialling the wrong number or picking up the wrong milk.

Cheating isn't a mistake, it's much much more.

A mistake is leaving the oven on or your keys in the front door, something unintentional, you only have sex with someone if you make a choice to do so, so it can never be a "mistake".

Couldn't agree more, an ongoing affair involves planning, lying...it doesn't happen by accident.

YANBU. My poor friend is currently getting her heart broken for the first real time by the dick of a boyfriend who has cheated on her numerous times in the last few months. Eugh.

can you not make a deliberate mistake thouigh?
i mean, can you not do something thinking that it was the right thing or ok and then realise afterwards it waasnt?
that would be a mistake?

not sure that thinking it was the right thing to do could apply to an affair though I suppose...

mis·take   [mi-steyk] Show IPA noun, verb, mis·took, mis·tak·en, mis·tak·ing.
noun
1.
an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2.
a misunderstanding or misconception.

it IS an error in action/opinion/judgement surely?

This remind me of that scene in Little Britain where the politician is stood outside his house with his family and the press are there.

''.....I was passing by the men's public toilets when I heard someone inside cry for help. I went in to assist the man who was locked in the cubicle and before I knew it I had slipped on the wet floor and landed in the sitting position on his penis''

Crispy :o

i had an affair for 3 weeks, it involved lying and planning. I have bipolar and i was in the midst of a manic episode and i was self medicating with booze. I honestly thought at the time i was completely in the right. Obviously when i 'came down' i realised it was a massive mistake. I still feel awful about it. I cannot ever make up for it.

Was about to post just what thisisyesterday said- a mistake can refer to an error of judgement/deed, rather than only referring to accidents.

I had a very short-lived EA a few years ago (E as in it didn't involve any meeting in RL). It was a betrayal, yes. I have often referred to it as a 'terrible mistake' (though more accurately a series of mistakes) and my OH is not offended by my use of the word 'mistake' in reference to the very bad choices I made at the time.

Mistake does make sense, as others have pointed out. The one that gets me is, "it was an accident". An accident?? You slipped and fell??

For me mistake is not strong enough, like others have pointed out a mistake is forgetting to add the yeast to the bread maker not planning, getting involved with another person (physically or emotionally) and concealing it from a partner.

Synonyms for mistake: aberration, blooper, blunder, boo-boo, bungle, confusion, delusion, erratum, false move, false step, fault, faux pas, flub, fluff, gaffe, illusion, inaccuracy, inadvertence, lapse, misapplication, misapprehension, miscalculation, misconception, misinterpretation, misjudgment, misprint, misstatement, misstep, muddle, neglect, omission, overestimation, oversight, slight, slip, slip of tongue, slipup, snafu, solecism, trip, typographical error, underestimation .

LOL CrispyCod! (BTW I've been on MN a long (long) time - you're not the same Cod that was around years ago? Then again, you can spell so probably not)

yesterday - as I think you already pointed out, for something to be a mistake/error in judgement I think you really have to think you're doing the right think at the time. I don't believe that anyone having an affair genuinely believes they are doing the right thing. They may rationalise it 6 ways to Sunday but at the end of the day they know. They know that what they are doing is morally wrong. They know that what they are doing is going to hurt someone. They know they are betraying someone who trusts them. Therefore,
NOT. A. MISTAKE.

(spuddy I do think your situation is a little different - surely your judgement was impaired by something not completely in your control?)

Agree. It isn't 'cheating' either. It's throwing the rules away and scribbling all over the board.

Ooh, as in, "Sorry dear, i didn't mean to sleep with that sleep with that silly bitch instead of you, it was just an oversight"

Well sort of yoga but you do still 'know' your behaviour is wrong (that's why you hide it - altho i didn't hide it very well tbh) but feel like you are watching yourself do it iyswim.

Sadly my husband was still devastated and i will never forgive myself for hurting such a sweet and gentle man. I can't describe it as anything other than a mistake regardless of my reasons or mitigating factors.