With paragraphs
I split up with Ex-H 7 years ago (today, to be precise!!). When I first left him, we had an agreement that he would have our 2 DDs (then 2 and 3) on Wednesday nights, Friday nights and Sunday nights. This has always been the arrangement, except for taking DDs on holiday.
Communication between myself and ex has been pretty much impossible since I left him, due to the fact that that he cannot help being abusive, and we have never been able to discuss and resolve anything.
His mum has been quite reasonable, so when things came to a head 18 months ago. Just a couple of examples:- he came to our house one night, threatening DH with a golf club, as someone had thrown something at his door, and he assumed it was DH- totally unfounded. DH decided to report it to the police a day later. Ex retaliated and decided to write a 5 page essay to SS, saying we neglected DDs and that I was mentally unstable (because I suffered from anorexia in my teens).
It was very upsetting having to go for a meeting with SS, but the SW basically laughed at the nonsense ex had written. Then the icing on the cake, ex turned up to pick DDs up on the friday night as usual. DH walked DDs out of the house, so I didn't have to see him. Ex started shouted abuse about me, and DDs got very upset as they were getting into his car. I could hear them crying from inside the house, so I went up to his car to console them, half sat on the back seat of his car to give them a cuddle, and he decided to drive off, knowing that I was half in the car. He was driving quite slowly, but I couldn't get in or out. I fell out, and he drove over my foot.
After this, there was no way that he could come near the house (he was arrested, but released without charge), so ex-MIL said that she would act as an intermediary. This has worked fine, she has managed to stay fairly neutral, and it helps that arrangements for things other that the norm can be sorted out.
During the holidays, I have been told several times at short notice that ex isn't having the girls on the normal nights. This has been fine and I've accepted it, they are my children and would rather have them full time anyway.
However, we have made arrangements to go out for a meal with 2 other couples tomorrow night- I'm due to have a baby in 5 weeks, so my friends thought it would be nice to have a meal out before the baby arrives. They arranged it for a Friday night as we don't have DD1 and DD2, and DD3 (my current DH's child) will go to my MIL's overnight. It's been arranged for a month. The other couples have arranged baby-sitting.
DD1 said this morning that she thought her Grandma had said yesterday that her and DD2 could stay at ours tomorrow. I texted ex-MIL this morning, so ask if it was true and explained that we have plans that would be difficult to change. She said that yes, she thought I might like more time with the girls, and that I should 'know' that arrangements can change during the school holidays. She did say that she could have the girls though, or ex-H.
When I said yes please, could she have them, she then changed her mind and said no, as she is self-employed as a dance teacher, and wants her Saturday morning off as she only gets 4 off per year (not true as she goes abroad at least 4 times per year etc). I was offering to collect the girls at 8am. She said ex-H wouldn't have them either, I should change my plans.
I rang lovely MIL, who has said that she would have all three DDs overnight, so problem sorted, luckily. AIBU to think that I should be consulted when ex decides that he is not having DDs, or should I just accept that they are my children, and I shouldn't make plans in case situations like this arise? I feel really cross about it all.
YANBU - you need to have notice, anfd they are his DC too.