Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want SIL to stay with us?

20 replies

Coconutter · 15/08/2012 17:41

I didn't use to get on well with DH's sister, as I found her selfish and spoilt with no regard for others and it annoyed me how everyone just pandered to her. She has grown up a lot over the past year or two after leaving uni and is now generally a lot more thoughtful and nice to be around so we get on okay. However she is quite hard work still - a lot bit bossy, likes to take over, quite loud.

The tenancy where she was living was up last week. She was going away anyway so DH helped her to move and said we'd temporarily store her piles of junk belongings in our garage til she found a new place. She needs somewhere to live til the end of October. To date she hasn't looked for anywhere and DH's brother has asked if she can stay with us for two months. She is 'on holiday' (staying with in laws) and 'doesn't want to think about it'.

DH would say yes in an instant. I wouldn't mind for a couple of weeks but two months? With no contribution to bills? (DH refuses to ask and I doubt she'll offer) DH and I are having major relationship issues. I am on antidepressants for depression and anxiety. Work is hugely stressful as I'm being bullied and looking for a new job. I know SIL and she has no plans or job for October after her placement ends and it may be difficult to get rid of her. But in laws will all think I'm horrible if I say no.

AIBU to say no to this?

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 15/08/2012 17:45

Normally I'd say family comes first - but given you are having problems in every other area of your life, then no is perfectly reasonable in this instance.

Yama · 15/08/2012 17:46

Why can't the other brother take her in?

Or stay at her parents house?

I wouldn't see any family member homeless but as she won't be say no.

letseatgrandma · 15/08/2012 17:48

No way-run for the hills!!

NatashaBee · 15/08/2012 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutter · 15/08/2012 17:53

Other brother hasn't got room, parents live other end of the country. Otherwise I'd suggest that! DH did send her a few numbers of people with rooms to rent, she just can't be bothered to do anything about it.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 15/08/2012 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticismyLife · 15/08/2012 17:55

That's her problem, don't let it become yours.

YANBU

BadgersRetreat · 15/08/2012 17:56

christ no

a troublesome houseguest is incredibly stressful, and you have quite enough to be dealing with by the sounds of it

"DH did send her a few numbers of people with rooms to rent, she just can't be bothered to do anything about it"

^^ that makes it her issue, not yours

BadgersRetreat · 15/08/2012 17:56

x posts!

Coconutter · 15/08/2012 18:33

Thank you... Problem is saying no without a) DH's family thinking I'm a miserable cow (they already think I'm difficult because we have very different outlooks and opinions) and b) them knowing about our marriage problems, which would result in much interference from opinionated MIL, for whom any divorce or separation in the family would be the epitome of evil.

OP posts:
BadgersRetreat · 15/08/2012 18:41

i think it should be up to your DH to tell her, and not say that it was you who made the choice

he needs to support you and put his marriage and family before the needs of his lazy sister

zookeeper · 15/08/2012 18:44

if you let her stay they will soon know all about your marital problems anyway. I think you would be mad to do it in the circumstances.

TallDwarf · 15/08/2012 18:45

God no. We had DPs cousin stay for 6 months once as she had nowhere else in the area. It was hell! It's so hard having someone else live with you that you're not used to living with, I don't think you'd cope.

Would you be able to tell MIL & FIL that you're having a few problems at the moment? Your DH should be the one to say really.

bloodyfurious · 15/08/2012 18:46

If DH said my sister couldnt stay here, we would develop marital problems, so I think YABU.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2012 19:11

" DH did send her a few numbers of people with rooms to rent, she just can't be bothered to do anything about it."
Because she's sure that she can stay with you and DH. Hmm, she really hasn't grown up that much, has she. Frankly, it's in her best interest to start living independently ASAP, and the family are doing her no favours infantilising/pandering to her lack of self-responsibility.

How do you think that line would go down with DH/ILs? Wink

And I wouldn't have her anyway, her presence will just increase the pressure on your relationship and you really don't need the stress. And TBH, if they thought I was a miserable cow, I wouldn't give a toss for their opinions anyway.

sue52 · 15/08/2012 19:11

It sounds as if you have enough stress at the moment without SIL to add. Just say it's not at all possible. You are a grown up and there is no need to justify your decision to your in laws. Your DH should tell her now so she has a few weeks to make other plans.

DublinMammy · 15/08/2012 19:13

Definitely NT being UR. Up to your OH to say "no" to her, she has plenty of time to sort out something else.

DublinMammy · 15/08/2012 19:13

Oops! "NOT"

brass · 15/08/2012 19:51

YANBU

say no, she will suck the life out of whatever is holding your relationship together. It really is not a good time for you.

MrsTrellisOfSouthWales · 15/08/2012 19:58

Say you'll consider it when hell freezes over when she asks you directly and agrees to pay rent and food and clean the bathroom

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread