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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alzheimer & baby in the house

35 replies

Thaleia · 15/08/2012 08:27

I am sure that is not the right place to ask this question but ....

Would/ could someone with 2nd stage Alzheimer harm a baby? Especially I am concerned about nights.

My DF is out of bed and around the house more than half the night: going to bed at 8pm, having a shower at 2am, shaving, dressing before going to sleep for a bit more on the sofa before being up again at around 4am.

We are going to visit and DS (4months) is staying in his own room.

Could he come to harm, does anyone have some experience? Would Dad pick him up out of his bed and leave him somewhere or put a blanket over him? Or worse, do something to make him stop if he's crying in the middle of the night?

Please don't suggest that he should sleep with us as it is not really possible.
Thanks!!

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/08/2012 09:08

hi i,m a mental health nurse at present i work specifically with people with dementia unfortunatley they can be very unpredictable in there behaviour how does your dad normally act?Can he be agressive if he is quite advanced in his dementia does he recognise you or your child as his grandchild lots of people with dementia tend to have disturbed nights sleep i cant give you any answeres but i would be wary leaving my children on there own with somebody with dementiaaround due to the unpredictability and the fact they can be child like in there behaviour ie not understand consequences of there actions.

nannyl · 15/08/2012 09:09

My Dad has alheimers / dementia and with carers visiting twice a day is managing to live alone (for now)

despite the fact that he has a nice large 4 bed home, and we have NO WHERE else to stay (and live 250 miles away) I have made the decision based on our circumstances never to stay there with my baby (who is now nearly 1)

I know he would never intentionally hurt her.

Its as much about how us being in his house would stress him. (change of routine etc)

I think you are the only ones capable of making this decision.

I have only ever left my baby alone with him for a couple of moments (while being in ear shot in the next room) Normally there is another responsible adult present if i am not (family functions etc, and we all know that they just wouldnt leave the room if we were acting as the responsible person)

Catsdontcare · 15/08/2012 09:09

I would be extremely cautious and no i wouldn't leave the baby in his own room under these circumstances. My grandad had Alzheimer's and used to be nightmare with hot drinks, leaving them on the floor next to the kids or holding and trying to pick up the baby,

Sounds like your dad's condition is very advanced so it is so unpredictable. So sorry you are going through this it is a terrible terrible disease

RillaBlythe · 15/08/2012 09:11

Why can't you sleep with DS in his room if it's too hot in the guest too
?

tiggytape · 15/08/2012 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeytea · 15/08/2012 09:14

could you buy a portable air con system for the room you will be staying in?

I wouldn't want to put a 4 month old alone in a room on another floor even without a grandparent suffering from alzheimers.

mintgreentiger · 15/08/2012 09:20

OP, am sorry to hear about your dad. It doesn't really get easier does it?

My dad has early onset dementia, although he's been treading water at the early-ish stages for a bit now. He is really gentle and caring with my DD, who is just over 1 year old. However, I wouldn't leave my DD with him alone. It is heartbreaking as he is my dad who would do anything for me/her, and although I can't imagine him ever intentionally hurting her, it would be quite possible for him to leave her on something high that she could hurtle off, or let her play with something dangerous whilst he then forgets and wanders off. I don't know your dad or how he deals with changes in his routine, but my dad who was the gentlest soul you could imagine does now have outbursts of massive aggression whenever something happens that unsettles him. That possibility would also worry me if I was leaving my DD in her own room at my parents' house.

I think the likelihood of something happening is small, but I wouldn't take that risk. Hope you work something out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/08/2012 09:21

We all sleep in the roof and as honey says a portable AC works well.

DozyDuck · 15/08/2012 09:23

No way I would leave my baby on it's own in this situation.

I'd either sleep on the floor on babies room or have baby with me with air con or a fan or something.

It's not fair on your dad, because if he found the baby, may be confused and noone near him to ask. Also if he does do something unintentionally such as leave the baby somewhere and you find out he may be really upset that he's done it.

It is also an unnecessary risk for your child.

Either in babies room, baby in your room, all in the living room or don't go.

DoItOnce · 15/08/2012 09:37

I would not leave the baby to sleep alone.

I would see how he sleeps in the guest room with you, he might be fine.

Good luck with whatever you decide Smile

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