To want to curl up in a ball and not get out of bed

[mumof2monsters]

I have been having some problems off late at work. I work in a big environment with lots of people and they can be a bit gossipy and bitchy.

A few years ago one of the women I work with stopped talking to me over a misunderstanding but working with her makes things difficult and a bit uneasy but as it is a big place it is ok.
Recently someone else I work with told another person I had said something about them to management when I had not. This person (male) now wont talk to me and has told others that I had reported him. I did not report him but had a conversation with someone about something and they took it upon themselves to interfere. Now some people at work are talking about me and I feel so uncomfortable and very upset.
I tried to explain to this male colleague that I had not reported him but he wont talk to me about it. So I have been blamed for something and cannot explain as no one will listen.

I just feel like everyone hates me and to be honest I don't want to get up and go to work anymore but I know that I have too as we need the money.

I dont have many friends and I am not a nasty person but it just feels like no one likes me and I have no one close to go out with for a coffee or talk to about all this. My DH has been supportive but I feel so low and so upset all the time.

I feel really lonely and the only time I feel happy is on my non working days around the children, although even then I feel snappy and sad.

I know i probably sound weak and feeble but I just feel I cant cope with it all at the moment.

Oh, what an awful situation for you.

I sympathise, feel

Sorry you're having to go through this, I hate all this bollocks when it happens at work because it feels like there's no escape, even at home you're still overshadowed by the fact that you've got to go back in again.

You don't sound weak and feeble at all, you've managed to struggle on going into work in what sounds like a sometimes very distressing environment for you - that takes shedloads of balls

The most obvious thing is probably saying you're unhappy in your job why are you still there?

Is what you get from it really worth paying this price?

Have you looked about for other things you'd like to do?

I really feel for you and don't want you to think there are no other options than to keep going in. Wanting to curl up in bed and block it all out isn't a good sign to me, it says you know you're desperately unhappy and feel powerless to change it.

Is there a part of you that suspects this isn't true, that you could hang on enough to to make a change?

(sorry if I'm way off the mark and read too much between the lines)

Feelings of loneliness is just horrible, do u think it's just the work situation hat is causing this or would you be feeling lonely anyway?

Thanks everyone for the replies. To be honset I have suffered with depression in the past after having my daughter and can be over sensitive but the work situation and not really having any friends is really getting me down.
I have done the same job for 23 years and it is kind of a specialist job that is not easy to take elsewhere. We have a big mortgage, a little bit of debt, two kids of ours and two stepdaughters so leaving my job is not an option as it does pay really well because it is shift work.

I just feel really lonely at the moment and I guess because I don't do much on my days off except clean the house, food shop etc then I dont really meet people and can be a bit shy.

My husband works at the same place as me and I know that it sometimes gets him down too. I have some leave from work coming up and it could not come sooner.

Just not sure where to turn at the moment.

In the long term you need to look at balancing all this out so you do have some time to get out and do things that are going to build you up and meet new people.

Short term can you let the friends you do have in a little, open up to them a bit about how you are feeling. It will take a bit of guts because we all like to put on this 'I'm fine' front don't we, but I suggest this as one or more of them will hopefully step up and give you a bit more friendship.

Am I making any sense at all?

Also feeling lonely can be a sign of depression, I am fortunate to have many lovely friends and yet when I was depressed for a long time I felt the most awful loneliness. It's crazy that you can be in a room full of your nearest and dearest and yet still feel the most incredible loneliness!

Are you on Ad's?

Do you think it would help if you pulled up the person who said something in the first place about you reporting your male colleague? If you did it infront of the male colleague so he knows you didn't say it?

I have spoken to the person who said something to the male colleague in the first place and she feels awful for approaching him and speaking to him. But to be honest he is angry at the moment so best leave well alone.

I am not on AD's at the moment. I went back on them a few years ago due to having some problems and to be honest they made me feel worse and the side effects were not great. I don't really want to go down that road again.

It is just hard going into work thinking everyone dislikes me and being blamed for something I have not down when all I was trying to do in the first place was look out for this male colleague who I considered a friend.

I will just have to hope that in time the situation will resolve itself and meanwhile I will just have to grin and bear the work situation.

How do I go about making some new friends? Because of the shifts and the kids going to a club on which is the same day all the time is impossible.

I do have one friend who is a non work friend and we were once really close and spent lots of time together but that seems to have died off and when we do meet up it always seems to be me that makes the effort.
She seems to have moved on.

I would just love a best friend who I could talk to, confide in and do things with but no-one seems to hang around me for that long. I dont get it because I am not a bad person and I do really care about people and am never selfish.

I am in the process of doing a slightly different job at work for 3 months so that will get me away from the other people I am working with which will help. DH wanted me to go to docs as he felt I needed some time signed off work but dont want to do that whilst I am trialling this new temporary job as it would look bad to my employers.

That's good news about the different job, hopefully that'll allow things to blow over a bit with your other colleagues. I just couldn't work in that situation at all, it's like being back in the school playground isn't. I'd just want to give them all a shake and shout GET OVER YOURSELVES !!! But don't do that OP!

Hmmm how to make friends? Well it sounds like a cliche but it worked for me....... I started a new hobby, swing dancing! It's called Lindy hop. If there is any bone in your body that likes to dance or wants to give dance a go I'd thoroughly recommended it to you.

Reasons why, you don't need a partner, you just turn up on your own, most groups start from scratch every week with the basic steps so if you can't make every week then you don't fall behind. You can take it totally at at your own pace. It called a 'social' dance so because of the this it's a great way to meet new people. Usually groups meet weekly, and have beginners starting each week so you don't have to be nervous about being new as that is just normal! If you like the sound of this I'm happy to tell you more but I won't go on in case your rolling your eyes thinking no bloody way!!
But it worked for me! My mind is healthy and happy and I have loads of new friends and that is mainly down to this.

Also I know face book is not for everyone but it really is a brilliant way of keeping in touch with people and events, do you have a FB account?

Feeling very bad for you OP, it's rotten when the school yard antics of a petty few at work can sve such an impact on your self esteem. I can't help wondering what your line manager has been doing that this situation with one person ignoring you for years has gone on so long. It's work place bullying!

If it helps, i used to work in a large team and sat between two women in the office. Many years before I started, they had both gone for the same promotion and the one who didn't get it never spoke to the one who did again. The only person this reflected badly on was the silly cow doing the ignoring. My manager did nothing about it either but eventually the ignorer left to everyone's relief.

Just wondered how you are op? Feeling any better about things?