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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go away without my mum?

14 replies

greenwichgroove · 14/08/2012 23:39

And just my girls?

Backstory: I love my mum but for the past six years I have not been away without her, We mostly go halves on cost but there have been occassions when I have said no as not had enough money and she and my dad have paid for us to go as mum wont travel alone, hence why I feel guilty.

When we go anywhere she struggles to get about so we can't go to many places and usually she takes over arranging stuff and manages somehow to sidetrack from anything we want to do. My mum does go out for day with my dad and occassionally overnight without us but would be very upset if we did same.

I just want to go and do three days in London doing the museums, shops and all the places we want to go but don't get the chance because my mum can't walk for long periods. I just want some time out with just us.

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 14/08/2012 23:42

Just don't tell her. Book up, go, and when you get back say something like it was spur of the moment/a bargain with limited availability and you knew she wouldn't enjoy it because of all the walking you did. It's not like you're refusing to ever go away with her again, you just want three days to do your own thing.
Why won't your dad go away with your mum? (just out of my nosiness )
There's no reason at all you have to only go places with your mum, good grief you're grown up enough to have children so it's not like you need your mum with you all the time!

Lonelylou · 14/08/2012 23:45

Go for it. You sound like you need the break. Call it a nip to mum and it wont sound so bad to mum. Tell her she'd be bored and you need to build up the confidence to branch out on your own if she moans. My sister had something simillar with my mum. She didn't go on her own for ages but when she plucked up the courage to say and went...feeling guilty..but that feeling has lessened the more she's done it. Good luck

Original poster

greenwichgroove · 14/08/2012 23:47

My dad has aspergers and ocd and doesn't like to stay away from home, eat infront of strangers or travel, think Sheldon from big bang theory and that's my dad!

OP posts:

Lonelylou · 14/08/2012 23:53

As I said...treat yourself...you sound like you need the break...be brave...your not going to Australia

CaliforniaLeaving · 14/08/2012 23:57

Do it, and if she says anything about not taking her, say we ran about so much getting through the museums we knew you wouldn't want to do all that. Then talk about a quiet break you can all go on.

flyoverthehill · 15/08/2012 00:03

pombear is right, any excuse, and actually she might be glad not to go. I love walking round museums etc, but if I had to go to soft play (MUMSNET HQ WOULD DELETE THE REST OF THIS POST) Have a great time !

Original poster

greenwichgroove · 15/08/2012 09:24

Thanks all

Ha lonelylou I actually considered going abroad without her next year , like I said I love her lots but we went abroad last year and she wouldn't go off the apartment site, none of the entertainment, no trips out ect until one trip she wanted to go on and I felt guilty leaving her behind :(

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 15/08/2012 09:29

YANBU. Do it. :)

QuintessentialShadows · 15/08/2012 09:29

Go without her. Apron strings need snipping pronto.

Original poster

greenwichgroove · 15/08/2012 09:43

Oh not apron strings shadow. I lived hundreds of miles away for over ten years. Just since my girls were born she's been clingy.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 15/08/2012 11:29

Oh, I dont mean yours, HERS.

SirBoobAlot · 15/08/2012 11:33

Well you could tell her you're going because that's what the girls want to do. But tell her that if she'd like to arrange a short cheap break like normal too, then you can.

I totally understand where you're coming from. The other side of it though is that we used to take my nana away for the same reasons - it was the only holiday she got. And she was the same, couldn't walk very far, sometimes didn't want to do much, certainly meant we didn't always do what we wanted to. But it made her year. Sometimes it was just a weekend in a caravan, but it was so important to her, and now that she's gone, I remember it fondly, and with a small smile, knowing how stressful it was at times.

Lonelylou · 15/08/2012 19:28

When I get old I would be happy to sit in a cafe or on the prom people watching whilst the younger ones got on with it BUT I wouldn't want them to take me because they felt guilty. I wouls want them to be honest with me. I suppose I'd have a look at a SAGA website and go with other oldies like me.

mumzy · 15/08/2012 20:48

Can't you just do one holiday a year with them and it becomes a tradition but are free to go to other places by yourselves the rest of the time. My in-laws don't like driving so do lots of organised day trips on coaches. They'll be lots of older people on them with similar mobility issues so the companies tend to make sure there is not much walking to them.

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