Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this friend should make her own childcare arrangements

21 replies

mrclaypolefan · 14/08/2012 13:15

I've namechanged btw.

I have a friend, who although is great is some ways, does have a habit of thinking the world revolves around her. She has lost a lot of friends in recent years because she places demands on people and is needy. I find that I am able to keep going with the friendship though, as I tell her no and am very firm with her about what I will tolerate within the friendship.

She has two children, and works part time. She relies on a family member to provide childcare. These summer holidays, the family member has moaned a bit about having the children for 3 or 4 days a week and so the friend phoned me and asked if I would help out one day a week for the rest of the holidays (only 3 weeks left and her DC get on well with mine so not a biggie)

On Sunday she phoned me and I asked was I still having her DCs this week for a day, and if so, which day. She said she had been thinking and that it was probably best if I phoned the family member that provides her childcare (whom I've never even met) and liased with them about it. I said that no,I was not prepared to do that. I said I am prepared to help her with childcare but she needs to make the arrangements, and that Wednesday or Friday would be most convenient for me this week, and can she let me know when she has made arrangements with her family member. She thought I was being very unreasonable and put the phone down on me in a temper.

She has done this before when she phoned me at 7am one Sunday morning and asked me to get up and drive her and her DCs to the station as they were going to London for the day, and I refused as I'd been up half the night with my youngest, who was then a baby.

I am half tempted to tell her to get lost and that I won't babysit now.

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 14/08/2012 13:17

Jesus, she's a right one! Stick to your guns.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 14/08/2012 13:19

YANBU, what a weirdo. Why are you friends with her?

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2012 13:21

She sounds like a leech

DoItOnce · 14/08/2012 13:22

I wouldn't look after her kids. If she gets mardy over making the arrangements I can't imagine what would happen if, for example, you had to let her down at the last minute because you were sick.

Does she ever help you out?

charllie · 14/08/2012 13:24

I had to read this incase you were talking about my sister lol. That is exactly how she is!! Her childcare is her friends, my mum and anyone who will help out basically. I'd tell her that you're not prepared to be treated like that and that no, you can't help her out anymore. You were going to be doing her a big favour and that is not the way to treat a friend. Sounds like you're better off without her tbh
YANBU!

mrclaypolefan · 14/08/2012 13:24

SlightlySuperiorPeasant, I suppose I've always felt a bit sorry for her as she doesn't seem to have many friends (wonder why!!), and I've found generally she is ok if I am firm with her.

DoItOnce, now you mention it, no, she doesn't help me out at all really.

OP posts:
OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 14/08/2012 13:25

Heavens to murgatroyd!!! Really????

Tell her to do one!!

Beamur · 14/08/2012 13:25

If you want to keep the friendship, I'd leave the ball in her court to make the arrangements and check with you that's it's still ok. If she doesn't get back to you, then you're off the hook with babysitting. She obviously has different ideas about the boundaries of reasonableness than most people!

mrclaypolefan · 14/08/2012 13:27

She is very demanding, I have to say.

She will ask me to do things, that she wants to do, and when I say no, I can't because I'm doing X or Y, she will then start to try and come up with solutions so I can still do what she wants.

She once asked me to have her children overnight on a Friday so she could have a weekend away with her boyfriend. She wanted me to drop them at their father's house, 40 miles away, on the Saturday. I said no, because my DH would have the car on the Saturday (and I didn't want to do it but thought this was the easiest reply) and she started saying she was going to hire a car for me to use so that I could do it. I then said "Actually I would rather not do it, it will be hard coping with my kids and yours overnight" and she didn't like that at all

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/08/2012 13:28

If she calls for this week now tell her it isn't convernient as she has left it too late then avoid committing to it again. Even part timers get holiday hours so she could take an occasional day off to limit how often she burdens her family.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 14/08/2012 13:33

Over entitled, self absorbed, selfish silly moo. No wonder she has few friends.

Dare you to show her this thread!! Grin give her a kick up the arse from us!!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 14/08/2012 13:33

Gosh, is she a fantastic cook or CEO of an airline or something? You obviously can't be friends because of her amazing personality!

Beamur · 14/08/2012 13:34

She is going to keep doing this kind of thing until you too get fed up and shuck her off. She sounds like a user I'm afraid. You would not ask a fairly casual friend for the kind of favours she keeps springing on you.

jumpingjackhash · 14/08/2012 13:35

What a cheeky cow! You should just tell her your busy now and can't do it. End of. Don't tell her what you're busy with, or she'll try and work a way around it by the sounds of her!

letseatgrandma · 14/08/2012 14:10

If someone put the phone down on me in a temper, there is no way I would be looking after her children at all!

When/if she gets in contact again (as I presume you haven't decided a date?), say that you won't be doing it any more as she was so rude!

Groovee · 14/08/2012 15:30

I've happily helped out a friend this summer twice a week as they are no problem and the kids have been grateful. But goodness if anyone spoke to me like that then they would be told no.

sugarice · 14/08/2012 15:33

Bloody hell this entitled Mum sounds like that awful Parent who outed Milk the Nanny a few weeks back over childcare issues. Where do these people come from Angry

EldritchCleavage · 14/08/2012 15:34

Do you think she might just turn up with the children one morning to get you to do it as a fait accompli? If so, then I would text her or phone her to withdraw the offer. If not, then I would ignore her but refuse to help when she gets back in touch. There have to be consequences to this behaviour or she will keep doing it.

LilyCocoplatt · 14/08/2012 15:36

YANBU, tell her to employ a childminder like everyone else she sounds like a total freeloader.

sugarice · 14/08/2012 15:36

Yes stop being her childcare provider, she's abused your generosity so tell her to do one!

NaturalNature · 14/08/2012 15:50

Give her the number of a childminder, I'm presuming she gets some tax credits and should get childcare help?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread