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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think there is FB etiquette when it comes to birth announcements?

29 replies

Sharksandfishes · 14/08/2012 10:14

DS2 born yesterday. We are in Australia so had to wait for the time difference to kick in before we could tell all our close family. My mum was one of the first people we spoke to and got v excited and text all her friends. A son of one of her friends posted congratulations on FB.
Then we Skyped BIL, SIL doesn't normally bother to speak to us on Skype. Today was no exception. She came and had a look at DS, said "ahh" and then nothing.
Then she posts a bloody message on FB saying congratulations. WTF? If you can't be bothered to speak, why would you do this??

Isn't it normal to wait for a birth announcement before you post? Or am I being emotional and hormonal?

OP posts:
puds11 · 14/08/2012 10:15

There is no etiquette on fb.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 14/08/2012 10:17

True,puds.

I wouldn't have postedon FB, but people tend to put all sorts that winds me up. Do I rarely post at all now.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 14/08/2012 10:17

So not do!

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 14/08/2012 10:19

First of all congratulations

Yes I absolutely agree it really annoys me when people post congratulations for any occasion on facebook if the person hasn't already put it on.

Paiviaso · 14/08/2012 10:36

YABU

How would they know you are planning to post a birth announcement on Facebook? It's not something everyone does.

Congrats btw :)

Bumblebee333 · 14/08/2012 10:39

I think people did it to me and by the time i checked fb four days later there was a mass of congrats from everyone i know. It was quite nice. I put some pics on and everyone cooed some more. I love proud mummy moments.

fruitysummer · 14/08/2012 11:28

Congratulations

However, You are pissed off at SIL for putting something on FB but not with your mum when she's text all her friends?

Double Standards which I'd put down to emotions

LilyCocoplatt · 14/08/2012 11:42

YABU, think you are overreacting and sounds like you have some sort of grudge against SIL to begin with. If you had already told people then the news would already be making its way along the grapevine via texts etc, why are you so bothered that people know about the birth of your child?

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 14/08/2012 12:04

Personally I'd never post congratulations on Facebook unless an announcement has been made on Facebook, not everyone is the same though!

escape · 14/08/2012 12:14

It's a bit of a minefield.
If she can't be bothered to congratulate you 'properly' via Skype - posting on FB shows it's not particularly for your benefit.

By the same token, I 'announced' my Mums funeral details on Facebook as it was held within 48hours of being arranged. ( don't ask):( This was because I wanted as many people as possible there who would have wanted to have been there, and this might not have happened just via word of mouth - indeed, we still had people who found out 'too late' to attend as it were.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/08/2012 12:19

There is no etiquette because so many people use FB in different ways.

It does seem like common sense to wait until someone has posted about big news themselves before writing about it on FB. People do need to think about what they write before they write it.

Birth announcements being scuppered aren't great, but I have had to tell someone to take down posts about a death because I was still trying to contact everyone with the news. That pissed me off, it hadn't occurred to me to tell people not to post about it until everyone knew, I honestly thought it would be common sense. But no.

PicaK · 14/08/2012 12:21

Personally I can't talk on the phone - get v stressed when I have to ring people and my mind goes blank. I never ever ring my friends - but I do text and fb them a lot.

Could it be something like that for your sil?

elliejjtiny · 14/08/2012 12:48

I always wait until the couple have announced the birth on facebook before commenting. My sister posted about DS3's birth on her wall before I'd officially announced it. (Hadn't even posted on facebook that I was pregnant because of high risk pregnancy and DS2 having genetic SN and wanted to keep stupid comments to a minimum). DS3 had been readmitted to hospital and when I went to make the announcement I found she had beat me to it and her friends had been saying things about DS3's weight, calling him a whopper and things like that. He was 8lb 12oz so not that big. DS3 was still less than 24 hours old by then so not like we'd waited a long time.

Congratulations and YANBU

Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 14/08/2012 13:03

Lily - yes I suppose I do have issues with my SIL! Grin
I admit i'm being hormonal and unreasonable, I just think people should use a little bit of common sense.

OP posts:
WeeLors · 14/08/2012 13:10

YANBU - its one of my bug bears, with any kind of announcment, not just births. When DS was born we phoned our immediate family straight away (parents and siblings) and our parents phoned round the rest of the family for us to let them know (aunts/uncles etc). Almost immediately on finding out 2 of my cousins posted congratulations on Facebook. Cue my sister getting worried messages from my closest friends asking if I was ok (DS was early so nobody was expecting an announcment yet). We literally hadn't had the chance to get in touch with our friends and tell them ourselves before these cousins announced it for us - kinda pissed me right off bummed me out a bit.

I personally never comment on any kind of announcement (engagements, pregnancies, births, etc) until the person involved has announced it themselves - its just rude!! With DC2 (imminent) we'll be asking family not to post anything on Facebook until we do it ourselves to give us a chance to tell everyone personally first. Facebook for me is for announcing to not-so-close friends and acquaintances, not for my close friends to find out.

Gumby · 14/08/2012 13:12

You've got a 2 day old baby and this is what is worrying you?!

Respect!!

And congratulations!!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 14/08/2012 13:17

Facebook, SIL, common sense, in the same sentence? Nah never gonna happen. Yes she is being a bit odd, but ignore and snuggle with your babby, many congrats!!

BlueSkySoftSand · 14/08/2012 13:20

I can understand you being frustrated as with such big news you would want to be the first one to announce to the world.

I think some family members want to be the first to share "special news". My DM told my brother I was expecting DC2 before I had the chance to call him, which did piss me off as it looks like my DB and DSIL can't have children and I wanted to tell them in my own way.

I've seen it happen lots with friends on fb - there always seems to be one friend who wants to be first to congratulate and at the same time indirectly letting everyone know that they were first to find out/more important, etc.

PS Congratulations!

mrsv2 · 14/08/2012 13:20

There is no etiquette......but my DD was born early at 29weeks and i had just the one person (family member living abroad) post a congratulations message which i felt was very insensitive. Personally i would never write something until it has been announced by the individual and it took me 2 weeks to feel positive enough to announce it to the world......
My DC2 is due in 5 weeks and i will announce on FB as soon as all is well as its a great way to communicate to all and be a proud mummy. I love FB but agree people do need to think before they write sometimes

Scaredycat3000 · 14/08/2012 13:58

YANBU, or hormonal, etc. Yes there is no etiquette on FB, my BIL posted a photo on FB of DS1 that DP had sent him on his phone when DS1 would have only been a few hours old. I was pissed off as my parents hadn't seen a picture of him yet and DP was pissed off as he didn't want any photos put up of our DC's on ever (he's not anti internet, in fact the internet is his job). I think he did it as he was so excited and didn't think, your SIL however sounds, um, well, rude.
Personally if I can't see any announcement about something I don't post. It's not my news to spread.
And congratulations, relax, enjoy.

theowlworrier · 14/08/2012 14:37

YANBU. I knew we were going to be in danger of thru same thing happening, so before dd arrived, I shut my wall on fb, so nobody but me could post on it. Worked nicely, and I was especially glad I did it when she was whisked of to NICU for a week. She was fine, but think it would have been very difficult to face all the happy posts when we genuinely had no clue what was happening. Congrats on your DS2!

fruitysummer · 14/08/2012 14:44

But why is the SIL getting grief for posting after someone else has?

The son of her mum's friend was the first to post before BIL and SIL were even made aware of the new arrival.

ShesBack · 14/08/2012 14:57

Cant you set FB so only you see what others post on your wall?

Summerblaze · 14/08/2012 15:00

YANBU. My dsis had her baby through the night. She rang both sets of parents. Her mil rang her sister whose dd put it on fb straight away. I was staying with my parents at the time while work was being done at our house so I knew but if I was at my own home, dsis may not have rang until the morning as I have 2 dc and was 5 months pg. I was up super early and was greeted by the news of my dn on fb. Most of dsis's friends and family already knew when they rang to tell them. She was gutted.

When I had ds2 a few months later, I told those I rang with the news to not post on fb and to tell people they told not to put it on either. Once I had rang those closest to me, I got DH to announce it on fb. I don't normally do status updates but mainly use it for being nosey keeping up with people's news but I made an exception for this as there would be no way to stop it. I didn't know there was a way to block everyone. That would have been a lot easier.

PedanticPanda · 14/08/2012 15:03

Yabu, I don't really get what the big deal is, was it because you wanted everyone to say congrats after you posted it on Facebook? Personally I wouldn't announce a birth on fb, maybe these people assumed that you were phoning/skyping everyone to announce and they were genuinely happy for you and wanted to congratulate?