To visit family while they are on holiday?

[SparkyUK]

We have family visting Europe from NZ and South Africa. They are meeting up at a gite in France. We looked into staying in the adjoining cottage (there are just two in the complex) but it just wasn't safe with our little ones. (There are no seperate bedrooms, just an open mezzanine with a 12 foot drop, so great for grownups, toddlers not so much.)

FIL emailed them to say that we woudn't be taking the gite as it just wasn't practical but that we'd stay near by and mentioned that we'd probably be over visiting during the day catching up.The owners have written back a rather nasty letter saying that as we weren't paying for the facilities we weren't welcome on site. I'm a bit gobsmacked. It's not like they have a no-visitor clause or that we are going to be crowding out the 2+ acres of garden.

I'm just really peeved as if they had said that upfront we would have looked for somewhere else for everyone (we were a bit limited in our search because of mobility issues of some of the old relatives). Or if we had never asked about the other cottage none of this would have come up and we'd just be able to come and go as we liked.

AIBU to think they are BU and just cross that we aren't hiring the other (totally inappropriate) gite?

I can understand the owners point of view. He is running a business and why should he let you use facilities you are not paying for.

I suppose it is their private property so they're entitled to say who is allowed onsite.

But of course they're being totally OTT, are they thinking of escorting you from the premises if you dare to show up? How would they know which ones of the family were you anyway??

I wouldn't reply to the email and just carry on as you've planned, but have you told the family staying in the other cottage what they're like? They might not want to stay there if they know.

Er -- is he saying that anyone who rents one of his gites cannot have any guests around at all?? I have never heard of this in 25 years of renting holiday properties in France.
Perhaps he thinks you may try and actually all stay in the one property and exceed the number of beds available or the persons-per-property limit? Otherwise, if your family has rented it for the week or whatever then I'm sure they are entitled to invite guests round for a meal or an afternoon -- they've paid for it and it's theirs for the duration, as long as they don't do any damage or break the law.
Or might there have been a misunderstanding due to language problems (if the owner is French?) The other thing that can cause problems are swimming pools -- is there one on the property and he is saying that only PGs can use it?

The op refers to it as a complex so i take it as a site with several facilities for paying guests. Things like gardens, swimming pool and seating areas.
Why should the owner allow a non paying guest to use these?

It's strange to say you can't use 'the facilities' -- does he mean you cannot go into the cottage as a guest when your family is paying for the use of it?
That would be like a hotel saying you may not have a guest in your room, which of course you can, as long as they do not stay overnight.
Or does he mean there are lots of play-things, swings, bikes etc for guests to use, outside the cottages but onsite/in the grounds, IFWIM.
I don't see how he could stop you from going into the cottage as a guest of the renters.

I always get mixed up between a gite and a chambre d'hote - and google only gives you answers to the question in french

But if it's the one that's like stopping in someone's home, that could make a difference I suppose.

Could explain why they worded their email so strongly.

A gite is usually a self contained cottage or similar for holiday lets, often on an owners property (sometimes part of the owner's actual house) but with its own front door, living space, bedroom(s) kitchen etc. Chambres d'hote are basically B&Bs.

Tbh I think your FIL was a bit silly to tell him that, just a "the other cottage isnt suitable for our needs, but thank you for the information" would have been more than sufficient.

Unless they have a waterpark or something that costs alot in upkeep then they are being very OTT. But cant you visit them off site or they visit you at your accomodation?

No i think its totally rude - hiring out a cottage is often used as a base for people meeting up from different places in different countries.

You are effectivly paying for the use of the cottage during that time, if you are not sleeping there I dont see what the problem is.

why cant guests come over?

I would personally cancel and go elsewhere I dont like giving hard earned money to people with this attitude.

If you had a gite etc, what would you do?

If you're planning to adopt the relative's gite as your day time base, swim in the pool and let the kids go crazy in the gardens, then yes, I do think it's unreasonable. The owner will be anticipating another family staying in the gite and doing that. Perhaps he feels a third family will give things a crowded feel.

You'd see this situation entirely differently if you were staying in the gite watching your holiday overrun by non-paying relatives. The owner was a little bit unreasonable in not adding that you're welcome to visit now and again, though.

I agree with darksecret - the owner thinks you will be spending LOTS of time there "propbably be over during the day" - sounds like that measn every day not just a couple of times?? - and that's not really fair on whoever ends up in the gite you did not want

they may also be worried you are intending camping out on the floors for free and thereby invalidating their insurance etc?

even the campsites we use charge a visitors day rate, either per extra car or per person.

Can you offer him a little money for the use of the facilities during the day?

There's a massive difference between dropping in for a cuppa or a shared meal one day, and coming over each day to use the facitlities.
Think of it from the POV of the people who have chosen to hise the other gite / cottage, knowing they are booking a small place where one other family is likely to be, then finding there are actually double the number of people on site.