To think this warranted an apology?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I was visiting DM today along with 7mo DS.

DB, who is only 9, was also there with it being the holidays. He went out to play on his scooter for 20 minutes and whilst he was out I put BabyTV on for DS to keep him occupied whilst I paid a few bills online.

DB then came huffing and puffing into the living room and declared 'HE'S ALWAYS GOT THE BLOODY TELEVISION ON, I NEVER GET TO WATCH ANYTHING FOR FUCK SAKE'.

Language aside, I pointed out he had been out playing etc etc to which I got a mouthful of abuse which was ignored by DM. I tossed the remote to him whilst saying 'Oh just put what you want on, DB' (which he caught by the way, before anyone accuses me of hurting him with it) and he promptly hurled it back at me, with some force, missed me completely and narrowly missed DS's head.

DM lightly swatted his leg, by which I literally mean her hand brushed against him, it wasn't a 'smack' or a 'tap'. When I began telling him off and pointing out what a silly thing he had just done DM interrupted me and told me she'd already punished him and I shouldn't continue to tell him off as he 'hadn't actually hit DS'.

I was furious but remained calm. I asked her what actual punishment she was going to issue for nearly hitting a baby in the head with a heavy Sky TV remote and she repeated wasn't going to punish him. I asked for an apology and was told no. I then put DS into his car seat and, once again, asked if DB was going to be made to apologise/be sent to his room. Again, I was told no. All the while DB sat with a huge smirk on his face as, once again, his conduct goes completely unchecked.

AIBU or horribly PFB to think you just shouldn't allow a 9yo to hurl a heavy object in the direction of a baby without some kind of repercussion. I wasn't asking much, just an apology or a time out or similar.

YANBU at all

What sort of parent lets their 9yr old do that and speak with a potty mouth?

Sadly, I think your Mum's going to reap what she's sowing in the very near future.

I think he is on the roa to being a horribly entitled teenager tbh

You should
Definitely have gotten an apology! What was DM thinking! Just take comfort that your own DS will be raised a lot better x

You sound well brought up, he sounds like a brat. What has changed?

YANBU!

I'm rather horrified at your mother, a child of mine would be getting more than a remote thrown at him for using language like that, let alone his hissyfit.

YADNBU.

Wow YANBU at all, I'd have been livid!
How come he gets to behave like that whereas you seem to have a grasp on what normal behaviour is?

How dreadful!

At least one of her children knows how to behave in a normal conduct, I hope.

He should have at very least apologised. If it was my child he would have apologised for the swearing and for throwing the remote. But I wouldn't expect my child to come in with that kind of attitude, because they would be taught to share and any behaviour like that, before the throwing, would've had them not being allowed to watch the TV.

Maybe that's strict but I sure as hell don't think so, I think that's acceptable.

YANBU, she obviously has no understanding of discipline and is teaching him this behaviour is OK. When he's a teen she'll regret it, as once she starts to 'tell him off' he wont listen to a word of it.

:)

Just make sure you teach your DS how to behave/not behave and give adequate punishments. Not harsh, just suitable punishments!

That sounds vile but maybe you should have spoken to your DM in private?

Yadnbu

There should have been a sanction for the 1. Swearing, 2. Rudeness re. Tv, 3, throwing the remote and 4. Being smug and smirking after the fact.

Is there a reason for your mums actions?

We're by different dads. Mum's second husband left when DB was 18 months old and always threatened to contact SS if DM ever disciplined DB in any way, leaving her scared of so much as sending him to his room. After a while she realised this was ridiculous however it was too late and DB is now a nightmare most of the time. It puts me off having him around the baby as he has no boundaries. I left DS asleep in his carseat a few days ago whilst I nipped to the loo, when I came back DB had unbuckled the carseat and taken DS out and had him on his knee.

Again I was discouraged from telling him off as 'he didn't cause any harm' but DS is getting bigger, heavier and wrigglier and it worries me to think DB might be taken by surprise and drop him.

That's insane - YANBU!!!! I'd be avoiding visiting again, or be ready to leave promptly.

That's ridiculous! Your Mum could only have DB taken off her if she was violent or aggressive to him, not sending him to his bedroom. Besides, it seems your Dad left and you were disciplined just fine - neither of your Dad's would want to have their child hurt, but would want boundaries set, surely?

How is your mother when he is nasty/rude to her? How was she at disciplining you as a child?

Your mum has a 9 year old child. How old are you and your mum?

She makes a lot of empty threats usually. 'If you do that/don't stop doing that/don't do this you won't go to X/I'll take your PS3 for a fortnight/you won't use the laptop for a month'... within an hour, you can guarantee he will be doing whatever he was just banned from for a month.

It's the smirking that really annoys me the most. He KNOWS he's done something wrong and completely revels in the fact that he gets away with it.

I'm 26, mum is 43. She had me and my two eldest DBs at a young age, then a long gap before she met her second husband and had my youngest DB.

Mind you my Dad's other daughter was never punished her. She turned into a very selfish, narcisstic yet depressive borderline schizophrenic. Apparently she's not anymore, but I don't think you can stop being a schizophrenic. So really, you are the lucky one. At the time it seems that it's unfair and they get it all, but the lack of discipline would give you no boundaries and drive you over the edge. I feel kind of sorry for him in a weird way.

Yanbu, I'd have been really angry too. It's a difficult situation for your mum, I hope she spoke to him after you'd gone.

yanbu.

i would probally minimise the visits there untill she was able to ensure your brother understood about not chucking stuff at babies

Was she strict with you?

It's the fact she can't hold her discipline then. I know a lot of mothers who just give in as it's 'easier' - yes easier at the time, not in the long run! Don't make the threat if you wont go through with it for goodness sake!

Of course YANBU, I'd be making sure I never, ever, left the baby alone with him again. He knows there are no consequences so there's nothing to stop him doing whatever he feels like. Your mother has basically told him that your baby's safety isn't important. I would tell your mum why too!!!