To think if you are going to ask someone for last minute childcare, you should at least say what time it is from

[Lucyellensmum99]

Got a text from friend (who i haven't heard from all summer holidays!) would I have her DD while she goes to work. So, thinking it would be from about 2 (thats when her shifts start) i texted back that yes, i could have her(as she also called and i missed the call). I said yes because i thought it would be good for DD and well, its the nice thing to do isn't it. So then she called me and said, oh thanks, you've saved my life - she is already at work (does 24 hour shifts), and that her DP will drop the DD off in the morning - at half seven .

DD has been sleeping in until about 8/8.30 this past week,she's seven, and DP working from home so we are enjoying lay ins - extremely rare commodity in this house. But not just that 7.30?? Its the summer holidays, im usually up, but never organised by this time . Also it means i will have ALL day.

Had the time been specified, i would have least had the option to politely decline make an excuse. I am a soft touch, and may still have done it, but AIBU to think that she should have been more upfront???

You could have asked her what time it was from before you asked. I doubt your friend was deliberately trying to withhold the time just to be sneaky. If its a one off, I'd let it go.

Before you agreed I meant.

Thats just the thing though outraged, she has taken the piss before. But every time i have had her in the past, it has been from 2.30. otherwise yes, i would have asked. Who in their right mind goes to work knowing that they don't have childcare organised for the next day/end of their shift? Obviously, i will let it go but am miffed beyond miffedness

You shouldn't have assumed would have been sensible to check the details before agreeing.

I don't think YABU but I think if she didn't put times in the text you should have asked her before you agreed

Is it just a one off - if it's every day she's being cheeky!

If it's only 1 day I would think she didn't do it on purpose and would plan when to ask for a return of the favour

Perhaps she did have alternative care but something happened to mean that changed

Hmm, your friend is indeed a bit of a piss taker. At least you will be warned from now on. You need to have ALL the information before you can make any commitment. Peeves me off when people do this sort of thing.

She should have said, but it probably would have been sensible of you to actually ask.

YANBU - your friend should have told you the times [and done a lot of 'are you sure?' and 'feel free to say no if not possible...' imo].

But if it is just the one day I would probably suck it up this time and call in the favour [from 7.30am!] another day.

It depends really on whether your friend is always a bit flaky and thoughtless when it comes to things like this [in which case I'd be miffed] or whether it truly is an emergency situation that couldn't be helped.

However if your friend is thinking of having you 'childmind' for more than one day I would direct her to the Family Services dept at her local council as they can provide a list of registered childminders who may be able to help [for a fee of course!].

Maybe yes, but she starts work at 2, so the natural assumption was that she needed someone from that time til her DP finished work. Hey ho

She has a childminder, for her DS, but she clearly doesnt want to have to pay for two (i dont blame her!) i suspect her DF was due to have the DD but coudlnt for some reason. It must be very stressful having to sort childcare so i should be more charitable i guess, but she has taken the piss before and i was just going to make and excuse but thought, no it will be fine, and then she dumps the 7.30 start on me! ARgggggggggghhhhhh

Just quickly call her back and say you can't do it from that times as you had thought it would be from 2, don't apologise. This really shouldn't be an issue.

But it is DOitOnce, cos im a wuss There is backstory, but i really don't want to go into it, and i had decided to cool the friendship off between the girls. so thats another reason why i was reticent and was going to wuss out and ignore the text, but felt bad when she called, i don't like to think of dropping someone in the shite. So probably more frustration about keeping the communication open etc. To be fair, DD will LOVE having the girl round, but i feel the girl has outgrown DD (they go to separate and very different schools) and probably isnt THAT interested in being friends with my DD. So am expecting tears at some point! Dammit - when am i going to grow a pair!

It is a bit wussy of you but hopefully it will go ok. Sometimes a bit of a moan makes it feel better and that is what Mumsnet is for. In future, though, you must grow a pair otherwise you will just keep getting used and that is a rotten feeling. There are some real users out there and they will only use you if you let them. Also, you need to make sure any favours you do are because you want to help the person and not because what you think people will think of you.

Anyway, hope it goes well. the free childminding and the growing of a pair

Not your problem that she perhaps doesn't want to pay for two DC at childminder. As you said, who does! But this is what all of us with more than one DC must do.

And also not you 'dropping her in the shite'. Childcare is your friend's issue to sort out. It goes with the territory of being a working parent. And yes, it's tough at times and sometimes you have to ask friends/family to help. But ultimately it is the parent's responsibility, not the friend being asked the favour.

So yes, next time ask the times and if not convenient/possible/suitable just remember [as we say on Mumsnet] 'No is a complete sentence'!!!

OMFG - they sent her round without any breakfast She has actually been no problem and her and DD playing nicely together. Then she comes in saying she is hungry (i thought, OK, DD wants sweets so..............I'm hungry often means i want sweets in this house ) but no, she said she hadn't had any breakfast and has jsut polished off two rounds of toast and a banana! Surely her dad could have said "oh, she's not had any breakfast" . Or maybe another one where i should have just sensibly assumed that id be expected to provide breakfast (not that i mind of course i dont, but i didnt provide it, the poor girl had to ask because i assumed that she would have eaten already!)

Well, to be honest if a child descended on my doorstep at 7.30 in the morning I would have assumed there would have been a good chance that she would not have had breakfast, but..... they SHOULD have told you.

Just more piss taking for you to remember for NEXT time so you can say NO!!!

YEs Chitch, i should have thought - but there wont be a next time Saying that, they are still playing nicely (well its quiet!) giving me lots of time to get on with stuff mnet

I think you've been given a hard time on here op. I think all the posts saying you should of asked the time and whether she had had breakfast are unfair. If your friend normally starts work at 2pm then I think it was wrong of your friend not to offer the time information without being asked. As for breakfast I think it was a bit cheeky of your friend not to feed her DD before she came round.

I probably would have texted the friend back when I found out it was 7.30 and said I had expected it to be 2pm when I agreed since this is your usual working time.

I hate it when someone is doing something nice and everyone blames them for not doing this or that when the other person (the op's friend) is being the cheeky one!