AIBU to think DH should have tidied up?

[StuntNun]

I have two children and I'm six months pregnant. I have been suffering from sciatica which has made housekeeping a bit of a problem lately BUT we haven't been doing too badly, just a bit more chaotic than usual, particularly since I can't bend down to pick things up from the floor. I took the kids to visit my parents on Wednesday and when I got back last night I cried because the house looks almost exactly the same as I left it - same clothes on the drying rack, the washing basket was empty but is now mysteriously full, the same rubbish (stickers, toys, coins) lying on the floors, things lying on the kitchen counters, same basket of ironing to be done.

Over the time I was away he did two things (apart from put all his clothes that were lying all over the bedroom into the clothes basket for me to wash): bath the dog and paint the kids' bedroom. Now I realise that painting the kids' bedroom was a necessary task but I just don't appreciate it when I'm still left with a ton of housework to do but not in the best health to do it. He's pissed off because I'm not delighted with his painting efforts. I had asked him to try and tidy up while I was away and there's no difference.

AIBU to think he could have made some effort in the rest of the house rather than just working in one room? Now I'm going to have to do the washing/ironing/tidying while the kids are in the house all day bored because it's raining and probably making more mess faster than I can tidy up. Sorry to be a moaner but I'm so depressed about all this with not being able to do much myself until the sciatica clears up.

Yanbu he could have tidied and washed his own clothes at least

Yanub but you obviously need to give him a list.

I went aWay for a day and left him the jobs list. I accept he makes a friggin mess, but i make sure he does dishwasher, washing etc.

I think we have established how much more competent the DWs are compared to the DHs. He was in work one and a half days but there was no sanding of wall or painting of woodwork and radiators, just repainting walls and ceiling the same colour as before. To be fair he did have to move all the boys' crap precious toys out of the way. I did ask him to clear up the house a bit, I wasn't expecting the place to be immaculate but (apart from the painting and the new improved non-stinky dog) he hasn't done ANYTHING.

I think part of the problem is that I had been away imagining DH having all this time with no kids underfoot to mess up the place as fast as I tidy. I thought he could have made a start on getting some of the chores done, then I could have thrown myself into the more detailed work. I have piles of baby stuff stored in the loft that I need to get down to prepare for November but I don't want to bring more clutter down and make the problem worse.

Maybe I needed to post in a Rant topic rather than AIBU but venting does some good. Then I can just get on with it.

YANBU, at first I thought this was about you being out for one day, then I saw you were away for a whole five days! He should have done a bit more. But definitely get kids to help, DS is 4 and handed me all the items from the shopping basket at the supermarket checkout the other day (I have pg related back pain/sciatica).

I think YANBU, though I do think for the sake of politeness (and because I'm a wuss), I'd probably have been nice about the fact he'd done some painting - I assume he reckoned that was a job you couldn't do with a bad back?

But he should have done more - can you leave some of this stuff for him to do when he gets home from work? Or by the sounds you will be at it all day and that's not good if you're pregnant, with a bad back and two little ones in tow.

I would leave a list because we have different priorities and O want what I want done. I want the floor clear for my return and the hoovering done so dc can crawl around etc,

He would want to do the garden/ cut grass.

I would want all the dishes done and put away so everything is nice for me to cook etc...

He would want to pop a wash on (even though there was not enough) then clean up the PCroom

That's why I leave a list of what O want him to do

YANBU. I just don't understand the concept or not tidying as you go along. I'm not a clean freak by any stretch but surely you'd pick up the crap on the floor, actually put the washing on if you've gone as far as putting it in the basket? If my boyfriend went away for a few days I'd make sure the house was at least presentable when he got back, just like I did when I lived with housemates and just like I did when I lived at home. Surely that's just what you do?

My DH travels a lot, away about one week every month and I always make sure the house is in a good shape when he comes back because I know he'll be tired from travelling and he won't feel up to much. I'll definitely be leaving him a list from now on but I didn't really want him to be working his arse off, I just wanted to see some improvement when I got back. I'm only usually away with the kids once or twice a year but I know if he took the kids away (he never does) I'd have all the cupboards tidied up and have the place as I wish it could be all the time if only we didn't have to actually live here lol. He did phone today to say he was sorry for getting upset at me being upset and to leave him a list next time so I don't think our relationship is in tatters or anything! We just have different priorities, I start with the basic detritus that accumulates, he wants to do the big things like painting the shed.

Sounds like he is genuinely regretting that he didn't see the obvious and have a quick clear up. YANBU but this is fairly standard stuff with guys. I would simply say that you are really tired from managing with the kids by yourself away for a few days, it's great that the bedroom has been done but you would really like to set some time aside to sort out stuff for the new baby and can't see the wood from the trees with all the general crap about.

Can you throw some money at the problem and ask a temp cleaner to come in for a few hours and help you to sort stuff out (or get someone you trust to take the kids off your hands for a few hours). Do funds permit? Sciatica and ironing is sh*t though so I'd kill that off straight away.

To be fair - with two kids in the house, he probably had a blissed out quiet 5 days to himself even with the job, the painting and the dog. It's only fair to point out that you'd like some time to yourself too. Maybe ask him to get the stuff out of the attic some night this week, to take the kids off first thing on Saturday am to a playbarn or farm or something (pref an hours drive away), feed them lunch and then come home. Even if you don't touch the stuff for the baby, you sound like you could do with some chill time and perhaps an apt with a physio?