This is a thread about many threads, not one in particular.
Someone posts about something bad that has happened - anything from someone borrowing your biro at work to someone being raped. In amongst all the helpful and supportive comments there will be numerous 'why didn't you.....'
AIBU to think this is not very helpful and is potentially very hurtful?
In a situation where something bad has happened it is natural to think 'what if I...?' 'why didn't i...?' and reflecting can sometimes be useful for future situations but when someone else comes along and basically says 'you were wrong, you should have...' this is just kicking someone when they are down, surely?
I'm lucky enough not to have been in the horrible situations that some people on here have found themselves due to sheer bad luck and circumstance but I have a quite stressful job and sometimes when things go wrong I get the 'why didn't you...' 'if you had just...'
But I only get that from people who are insecure in their role and feel they need to constntly prove and defend theirselves. When shit happens and my senior at that point is someone who believes in themselves, is knowledgable, confident and happy in their role, they make sure everyone is ok, they make sure I am ok and we sit down together at a later point when all has calmed down and we think about things without allocating blame.
'why didn't you' and 'you should have ' and 'if only you had' sound a lot like blame when you've already been kicked and you're already down.