To expect my husband to listen to me?

[fhdl34]

I just put my 7 month DD down for a nap. I've only just managed over the last week to get her to nap reliably in her cot instead of on one of us.
I go downstairs and after 10 minutes DH decides he's going to go up to lie down. I ask him to go in the spare room because he'll wake her up and he says he won't. I ask him again and he says she won't wake up. So I tell him if she does, he has to get her back to sleep.
2 minutes after he goes up he wakes her up and 40 minutes later she's still awake and crying while he tries to put her to sleep again (one of the methods he tried was to leave her lying in her cot while he lay on the bed ) he's now singing and rocking her while she cries because she's now very overtired.
I'm trying desparately not to go and intervene because he should be able to settle her but it's killing me as she's getting steadily more upset. And I know he'll just go and fucking lie down in the spare room while I have to try and get her to sleep when overtired and very upset.
So pissed off right now and am just posting this to stop me from going upstairs.
I'm my own worst enemy, I should turn the monitor off but I can't. Although to be fair, I'd hear her anyway.
Why can't he just fucking listen to me instead of dismissing what I say.

Go out!

Good idea Stella.
OP go for a walk, clear your head, breathe. Leave him to sort it. He'll probably listen next time.

He thought he knew best, leave him to it. Next time he might listen.

Don't intervene, just do something different, sort the bins or something

yes, another go for walk suggestion from me - dumbfuck husband made his bed, he can now lay in it - or not, because he has to deal with angry DD

YA soooo NBU! DP is exactly the same (have 6 mo DD). No advice other than try to be firm and make sure he sees/deals with the aftermath of ignoring you. Took DP 2 hours to put DD down the other night (didn't just leave her as I suggested, changed her nappy, talked to her, rocked her, sang to her...). I stepped in eventually, took 5 minutes to get her off, but only because he'd "done the hard bit"

sort the bins? yeah, good idea!

Worst thing you could do now is intervene. If he gives up, just quietly sort it out and resist the temptation to say I told you so -it's so bleeding' obvious... At least he is trying to put it right and hasn't immediately bailed out.

I agree do with the idea of going out and leaving him to get on with it himself.

OP, please tell me you have gone out for a walk and left him to it?

just leave him to it, it's hardly a big deal

He ended up bringing her back down just after I posted. He claims he went into the spare room but went into when she woke crying 2 minutes later. Don't know if I believe him or not but doesn't really matter as am just as annoyed either way because after he tried and failed to sing/rock her to sleep he just put her in her cot so he could lie down himself. It wouldn't bother me but he's able to sleep through all her night wakings and he had a nap when she did this morning. I don't get more than 3hrs sleep in a row on a good night because she still feeds through the night. Feel marginally better for venting though

oh my.. I had to sit on my hands reading that as I had one like it... and the urge to do physical damage needs strong resistance.

you may still need to go out if she is grumpy. he can deal with the fall out. he should have waited til she was well away before clomping around upstairs... dozy git.. told you i felt strongly

I 'sort the bins' when I need an excuse to avoid engaging with any member of my family that has annoyed me. Or go to the corner shop 'for milk'.

OP are you actually me?! Just put DD down, as she was going off DP came in, went straight to her cot and asked loudly, "Are you still awake then?"! It's taken me another 20 minutes to get her off

Is he ill or something? Why does he need a nap in the morning and a lie down now while you're dealing with all the nightwakings?

What's he doing now? Please tell me he hasn't brought her down to you and gone off to do something fun/lie down again? If he has why don't you go up and make him swap so you get a sleep and he deals with the child he woke up?

Where is he now?

he's been looking after DD whilst I went to have a lengthy text conversation about him to my friend do the washing. He most certainly didn't get his lie down.

to answer the post re illness, he has been ill recently and has just returned to work but chooses to come to bed quite late. To be honest, I less sympathy than I probably should have as I get far less sleep but function far more effectively and even if he wasn't ill he'd still sleep during the day. Before DD came along it was something we both would regularly do but I can't do it now unless I've had a very bad night with DD

you should probably get an early night it might be hard to settle a baby who's not had enough sleep in the day and the person who woke her should do it if you're doing all the night time parenting

(and if you're breastfeeding he could bring her to you to feed nice and cosy in bed)

I want to watch the closing ceremony tonight so no early night for me. Hoping she stays asleep though, would like to watch it uninterrupted

Hope she's tired out then :)