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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Facebook

40 replies

cheekypickle · 12/08/2012 10:45

Husband just gone mental because I want to go back too Facebook. Says he doesn't know why I want to
Go onto it. Got annoyed when he didn't know who Sam was (friends boyfriend!)

AIBU or is he?

He said how would you feel if I went on it, I said fine! He then got even more annoyed ! Ha ha!

OP posts:

MadgeHarvey · 12/08/2012 17:19

He seems to object to pretty much everything you do. Why do you live like this? You DO have a choice you know.

Original poster

cheekypickle · 12/08/2012 17:20

What choice do I have?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 17:23

To either put up with his abusive shit or not.

Original poster

cheekypickle · 12/08/2012 17:24

It's just easier not to go into Facebook :(

OP posts:

Original poster

cheekypickle · 12/08/2012 17:24

Onto

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 12/08/2012 17:25

You could apply for a separation. This is an abusive relationship whether you can see it or not - and I'm not usually in the "leave the bastard" camp.

I can't believe that you just keep on posting as you do and fail to take any notice of anything anyone says.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 17:25

Yeah

ilovesooty · 12/08/2012 17:26

It's just easier not to go into Facebook

For fuck's sake. That is only part of the problem. Can you really not see that?

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2012 17:28

I'm not in the leave the bastard camp as a rule either

But here we have a bloke who at the age of 42yrs, dates a 17yr old girl, has a baby with her 8yrs later and then spends most of his time ignoring or criticising her...and lord knows he can't lend much support to your mental health problems either?

Or does he?

Bedtime1 · 12/08/2012 18:04

If you want to go on Facebook go on it. Tell him you like having a look on it. If he doesn't then that's his choice. If you do then that's yours.
It's weird how he's gone mental over something so trivial. Do you not think your better off out of this relationship?

Bedtime1 · 12/08/2012 18:14

Well I don't know your backstory but by the sounds of it if he criticises everything you do then yes you do have a choice, that would be to leave or him to leave.

Pandemoniaa · 12/08/2012 18:49

I've read a lot (if not all) your previous threads and quite honestly, the more I hear about your dh, the less I understand why you tolerate him. It's bad enough that he spends most of the weekend asleep (despite going to be between 9 and 10pm at night) and that his only leisure activity appears to be shopping. To add the sort of controlling behaviour that affects how you use the internet rather puts a tin lid on it. Would he be prepared to be told he wasn't to browse the Torygraph online? I doubt it. So why are you prepared to stop using Facebook because "he wanted me to"?

I'm not quick to say "leave the bastard" but what on earth are you getting out of this relationship? And before you say you can't consider leaving him because of your dd, consider the effect of his behaviour on her as she gets older. Is it going to be fair to impose all this control on her too? Because that's what's going to happen.

I'm sorry to sound harsh but this is not a healthy relationship and I'm sure you deserve very much more. However, you need to tackle all these issues with him, not allow them to drift. No matter how sympathetic we may be on MN, we can't magic up a solution. Only you can take charge of your own future and you need to start by talking to your husband even if the conversation is a difficult one.

HildaOgden · 12/08/2012 19:26

I'm really struggling with your posts,Cheeky.I mean,I really do want to be supportive and offer some advice,but seriously....it seems like every Sunday you are on here posting negatively about him.And ignoring all and any advice you get.(and quite breezily too,it seems)Why?Do you actually want anything to change?

Mia4 · 12/08/2012 22:09

Cheeky next thing you know he'll have caught wind to people calling him on his shit and advising you here and he'll be all 'stay off mumsnet' or whatever other places you go on that give you good advice. Same will go for friends/family members that him him for the controlling skeeve he is.

Have you no fa,ily/friends you can talk to about this? If it were just fb it would raise 'wtf' and red flags in terms of his pettiness but with the other stuff posted-yeah he ain't a good one.

To quote a webpage:

Those who try to control other people are, simply put, neither nice nor respectful. While a controlling personality belongs to someone who probably has deeper issues, such as codependency, narcissism, sociopathic tendencies or just sheer stubbornness, none of these negative traits should be shouldered by you. Controlling people are selfish at the core, immature at heart and likely to put the brakes on your leading a fulfilling life if you're in constant close proximity to them.
In order to spare yourself getting too entangled with a controlling personality, or to awaken yourself to the fact that the controlling person is the one with the problem and not you, here are some tried and tested ways to help you recognize a controlling person and respond accordingly.

www.wikihow.com/Recognize-a-Controlling-Person

www.hipmama.com/node/17513

Please get help:

www.helplines.org.uk/directory?gclid=CK-krtT_4rECFaUmtAodOk8AsA

thecook · 13/08/2012 02:41

OP Is your husband the one who sleeps every weekend?

He sounds a controlling arse.

Dump him love. No man would ever tell me what to do.

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