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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the snarly/growly woman?

185 replies

mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 22:04

Standing in a busy queue with dd 4yrs (who is small/average) she accidently stepped on the lady' toe. I saw so i immediately said "sorry" and said to dd she should be careful and stand still. The woman turned and looked at dd then growled said in a nice voice "ouch that was my toe". Shw paid for her things then made a point of limping away. Now if that qas you and you already had a broken toe/foot/poorly foot then i'm sorry but it wwas truly just an accident otherwise aibu to think that was a massive overreaction and the woman was a complete cow a bit harsh and really upset my dd?

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 11/08/2012 22:47

And in a 4yo with no SN, I'd fully expect THEM to apologise. Like my 18mo does when he hurts someone. If an 18mo can say 'soweee' then an NT 4yo can apologise for themselves, surely? At what age would you expect an NT DC to apologise to someone themselves?

cricketballs · 11/08/2012 22:49

I've currently got a very painful ingrowing toe nail and someone only has to breath near me and I would react just the same more than likely worse; sounds to me like she reacted very well and without a swear word!

whathasthecatdonenow · 11/08/2012 22:49

I have a toe that was broken by a heavy teenager's chair leg as he was swinging on it. It re-breaks if anyone even looks at it funny. A 4 year-old standing on it would definitely do it.

For a diabetic, gangrene from a toe injury is a real possibility. My father ended up with two above the knee amputations from ingrowing toenails.

YABU to assume it didn't hurt.

Groovee · 11/08/2012 22:51

Well at work a child stood on my toe which was infected and really hurt it again. So it could have been similar and it throbbed all day.

Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 22:53

Dd would have said sorry normally but was taken a back and a bit upset at her response which is why i apologised for her. I did first say "you need to say sorry" but she sort of buried her head in my leg and was close to tears. I didnt wNt to make a bigger scene and was also a bit surprised so said sorry then dealt with dd

OP posts:
Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 22:54

wNt= want

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/08/2012 22:56

I did first say "you need to say sorry" but she sort of buried her head in my leg and was close to tears

For goodness' sake. How on earth is she going to cope when she goes to school? The woman's response doesn't sound particularly aggressive to me.

Fiveflowers · 11/08/2012 23:02

Words almost fail me.

As someone else said get a grip.

ovenchips · 11/08/2012 23:05

Ach, OP however much extra detail you insist on giving to plead your case, the consensus seems to be YABU.

I don't think YABU or YANBU. You are being daft to waste any more than the first five minutes after it happened brooding on it. It honestly isn't a big deal.

Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 23:05

Im sure i said in op that if it was hurt i apologised and meant it. However most 4yr olds, who are normally capable of apologising, will be a bit upset/shy when growled at by a stranger. I could understand a reaction to pain but thats not what this was. It may have hurt (for which i empathise) but this was a very controlled and angry/intimidating response.
Imo if it was me and it did hurt i would have said ow, my toe (in response) not directly at child and then looked to the child expecting a sorry iyswim. Maybe you needed to be there to see the difference.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/08/2012 23:08

Why did you post in AIBU if you are so convinced that you aren't?

MagicHouse · 11/08/2012 23:09

OP I don't think you need to defend your reaction. Even if it hurt, it must have been obvious it was an accident. And a 4 yr old reacting to a stranger being aggressive (and an adult growling/snarling at a little girl doing something accidentally DOES sound aggressive to me) by becoming a bit dumbstruck sounds entirely normal. Honestly - get the Wine and stop looking at this thread now!!

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2012 23:10

It's done now...I wouldn't give it any more thought.

But really, you can't tell whether a complete stranger's reaction is due to aggression or pain...it's impossible.

Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 23:13

To let off a bit of steam and have a bit of a rant as i was too polite to say anything at the time i just think accidents happen, parents deal with their children and adults (hurt or not) shouldnt intimidate small children. If that means i am BU then i guess i am.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 11/08/2012 23:13

Well, if your DD stands on my toe, which some snarly bitch ran over with her trolley and ripped half the toenail off yesterday, I cannot be held responsible for what may blurt out of my mouth.

What is it with supermarkets and toes? I'm buying myself a pair of steel capped boots, just to do the weekly shop.

whathasthecatdonenow · 11/08/2012 23:14

The first time my toe was broken, I howled and began to form a popular swear word beginning with an 'f'. I then realised that I was in a classroom full of 14 year olds, so snapped my mouth shut, hobbled to the whiteboard and continued with the lesson. I was completely controlled. Now it breaks so often I just think the swear word and go and strap it up.

I think saying 'ouch that was my toe' is really controlled. Honestly, what did you want her to do? Thank you?

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2012 23:14

Please remember all she said was "ouch that was my toe"

She reacted out of pain and you think she shouldn't have...even if it was painful.

That's not intimidating a small child

really

ilovesooty · 11/08/2012 23:16

Well, if you thought her response was so unreasonable your problem is with your own lack of assertiveness.

And as Worra said, you can't possibly know whether she was in pain, or the extent of it.

Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 23:16

Thanks magic and worra i probably am overthinking and was also a bit surprised by the unusual lack of empathy from other MNers. Will take the Wine plus the bottle and go searching for a happier thread to distract me.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/08/2012 23:17

And if your daughter is so upset by something like this, perhaps you need to look at her reactions too.

LookBehindYou · 11/08/2012 23:18

You did your daughter no favours by not insisting she said sorry.

Original poster
mumnosGOLDisbest · 11/08/2012 23:20

I wasnt upset by the words. Her body language, tone of voice were aggressive though. Also i think id react differently to a 4yr old than an older person.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 11/08/2012 23:21

YABU.

And I don't even think it's relevant whether it actually injured her or not. Your daughter was mucking about, and deserved a stern word from her. Simples.

mrsrosieb · 11/08/2012 23:22

YOU are the total cow. What if the woman had arthritis/gout?

Do you seriously think people put on FAKE limps?

WTF???

Stop judging this woman by your own standards and tell your DD not to be so bloody clumsy.

ilovesooty · 11/08/2012 23:23

And you should have made your daughter apologise, upset or not.