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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am sure I am not, but I want to vent.

51 replies

Vagaceratops · 11/08/2012 18:03

DH goes to the gym three times a week after work. He also goes early on a Saturday morning (7am).

This afternoon he announced that he has decided that he also wants to start going on Sunday mornings, again at 7am.

Now we have worked a 1 lie-in each system at the weekends for as long as we have had DS1 (so 11 years). He decided that he wanted to forfeit his lie-in when he started going to the gym just over a year ago.

I am a bit pissed off that he is now trying to get me to give up my lie-in, the 1 lie in I get all week because DS2 is up every morning between 4 and 5am, so Sunday is my only chance - I dont lie in all morning, but if I can get to 8am I feel happy with my lot. DH couldnt go to the Gym later as DS2 has swimming lessons at 9.30am on Sundays.

When I tried to explain that I was pissed off because I would no longer be getting a lie-in he replied 'well neither will I' Hmm

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 11/08/2012 18:20

Yabu! You forego these things once you become a parent!

Us lone parents don't have an option so just get on with it. He's working on his fitness so will benefit you all one way or another

What utter crap. The point is she is NOT a lone parent and he has unilaterally decided she will give up her lie in for HIM to go to the gym. I hardly imagine that one more session at the gym weekly is going to benefit the OP and her dc in any way at all!

I am a runner, I don't run to benefit anyone else, I run because I love it and I love how it makes me feel, its is how I want to spend my time. I suspect this is the case for the DH. He is being very selfish.

ivykaty44 · 11/08/2012 18:21

Go to bed two hours earlier - then you get a lie in, just two hours earlier. Not sure why you need to stay in bed - but then I am a single parent so manage to fit gym in and swimming lessons for dd's Grin

YABU

GhostShip · 11/08/2012 18:24

How the bloody hell is she being unreasonable? Why should her husband take away her lie in Confused it's his choice if he wants to do something instead of his, but hers too. Out of order.

Funny how 2 single parents have said YABU. She doesn't have to be a martyr just because you manage to do it on your own.

HecateHarshPants · 11/08/2012 18:24

So, OP, I'm just dying to hear all about what your hobbies are and what you do with your time (I just bloody bet I know the answer though). Do you get an equal amount of time to yourself, to go to the gym or whatever makes you feel good?

Does he look after the children several times a week while you are off doing a sport, or visiting friends, or pursuing a hobby.

panicnotanymore · 11/08/2012 18:25

So he wants to go to the gym 5 times a week and go to football? Tell him he can have his sunday session provided he is ok with you doing 6 sessions of (insert here your chosen hobby) with him covering child care.

Tell him is he wants to live like a bachelor, he can be a bachelor.... starting with living on his own, paying you maintenance, and having all the kids under his sole care, all weekend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2012 18:25

I get why she needs to stay in bed. She gets up with her child with SN every day at 4-5am. To get an eight hour stretch she would need to go to bed at 8pm. Or her DH could forgo one of his 5 gym sessions.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 11/08/2012 18:28

Well tbf I am at university one night a week, so he picks them up from school and looks after them all evening.

And in term time I do go swimming two mornings a week.

Not sure why you need to stay in bed I am up at 4am 6 mornings a week, so I would love an extra couple of hours so I am not quite so shattered every day.

OP posts:
altinkum · 11/08/2012 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GColdtimer · 11/08/2012 18:34

Yanbu. He is. Gym 5 mornings a week and football every week. What a lovely life he has. Very odd reactions from single parents on here. If the dh was a single parent he wouldn't be able to do any of it. And why should op martyr herself for her dh hobbies.

TidyDancer · 11/08/2012 18:38

Has the gym got a creche attached?

Tbh, I'd be telling him he has to make his own CC arrangements for that morning if he wants to go.

If he can't make them, then he can't go, it's that simple really.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 11/08/2012 18:42

It does have a creche, which would be fine for DD, but DS2 couldnt go.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 11/08/2012 19:05

I'm a single parent and I don't think she is being unreasonable.

TidyDancer · 11/08/2012 19:12

Right, so he can take DD to the gym with him, he only needs to find CC for DS now then, doesn't he? Presumably your eldest can amuse himself with the TV for an hour or two?

You can really take the wind out of his sails wrt any potential argument if you tell him he's absolutely free to go and do this, with the proviso that he does not rely on you to pick up any extra 'jobs' that have been created by him wanting this time at the gym.

He really can't argue against that, as you're not saying no to him going, just making sure he makes his own CC arrangements.

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/08/2012 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMonster · 11/08/2012 19:21

YANBU.

TheMonster · 11/08/2012 19:23

"Us lone parents don't have an option so just get on with it."

So what? The OP isn't a single parent.

DeckSwabber · 11/08/2012 19:36

I am a single parent and I vote YANBU.

Sleep deprivation is not good for you or your children.

ChaoticismyLife · 11/08/2012 19:52

YANBU He's being a selfish twat.

OAM2009 · 11/08/2012 20:06

YANBU

We also have the same lie-in system, altho not because DCs have special needs, just cos we're lazy and want the extra sleep Grin

You are already being very kind to your DH - I frequently demand and steal my DH's lie-in if the kids have had me up in the night. (and I am always grumpy when I get up on his lie-in day Blush) Don't know that I'd let him have a lie-in at all if I was up at 4am every day! (sympathy Thanks for you)

He is BU cos simply it's not fair for you to give up your lie-in for his hobbies. He already seems to get plenty of "time-off" for his hobbies already. I would tell him that but you might want to tell him in a more sensitive way Grin

Ilovedaintynuts · 11/08/2012 20:23

YANBU
We have the same system. 50/50 childcare, share lie-ins, share opportunities for gym/nights out. We both consider exercise a luxury so wouldn't expect the other person to sacrifice rest or sleep.

Totally confused by the LP comment. I was a LP for 7 years before meeting my DH. Are we married women meant to be so grateful that we have a partner that they can do what they want?

He sounds a selfish arse OP.

TribbleTuckandDismount · 11/08/2012 20:29

YANBU, why should you give up your time with the duvet. Tell him to jog on!

If he really wants to go, he can go once the kids are in bed.

DontmindifIdo · 11/08/2012 20:30

YANBU - tell him he can choose which morning he is in charge of the DCs if he wants to swap his mornings, but he can't chose neither.

also think he's taking the piss with the amount of 'me' time he wants.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 11/08/2012 20:37

If he's that keen for an extra session why can't he go in the evening on Sunday - after the youngest have gone to bed? Or add in an extra session on a workday.

chipmunksex · 11/08/2012 20:42

YANBU

As others have said he needs to make his own arrangements or go at a time convenient to you.

Lie ins are crucial to a happy marriage ime

FairhairedandFrustrated · 11/08/2012 20:52

Are all the children up at 4/5am?

And if you put them to bed later, would they sleep longer?

YANBU!!