Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This really annoyed me. AIBU?

14 replies

giggitygiggity · 10/08/2012 20:46

At weekends, we only ever do things as a family if I organise it. I'm sahm to 2 dcs so spend all week thinking and planning things to do each day so we don't all go mental with boredom being stuck in the house. DH will happily go along with whatever I've sorted to do on weekend days (eg suggstions to go out to the park, places to visit etc) but never arranges anything for us all to do himself.

Cue this week he mentions that he'd really like to catch up with his 'best' mate and his family who live not too far away from us, but far enough away that we don't see them all that often. Despite them being friends since forever, I really dont feel like i know him or his wife all that well as we just dont get together all that often. They are lovely but we don't have the kind of relationship where I would just ring them out of the blue - in fact, I dont even think i have either friend or wife's numbers. Dont have that much in common with them if I'm honest, but we still have a nice time if we get together so that's all fine.

Anyway, I reply to dh that we have nothing planned for this weekend, why don't you give friend a ring and see if they're about. He calls me later from work to tell me yes,he's just been chatting to friend on the phone and him and wife (and dc) are free this weekend and would like to meet up. Great, I think. But here's the bit that has pissed me right off - he then says have I got wife's number? Er, no. 'Well I've said to friend that it's probably easier if you ring her and sort it all out'.

I politely said, well no actually, that's not easier for me to do because 1. I don't really know her all that well, and 2. you were the one who said you wanted to see them so surely you are capable of coming up with an idea of somewhere to meet/something to do/ a time that is convenient for all and 3. I'm on my own all day with two children and if I get an uninterrupted 5 minutes I want to use it to have a wee on my own or something, not sort out your fucking life for you as you're a grown man. I didn't say that last part, but I wanted to.

Aibu to feel narked by this? Just once in a while it would be nice to feel like I didn't have to organise every bloody thing we do, and I feel like it is just pure laziness on his part expecting me to organise a day out with HIS friends. I'm sure in his head he thinks he is being helpful and 'putting me first' so that I can make plans the way I want them, but I made it clear that I had absolutely nothing organised for the weekend at all, and was happy to fit in with whatever he/they wanted to do. He hasn't bothered calling friend back, and is now in a sulk over me being 'grumpy' so as far as I know there is still nothing planned for the weekend. i.e. yet again, if I want to stop the dc climbing the walls I will have to sort something out for us to do myself. Again. Grrrr.

OP posts:
Gumby · 10/08/2012 20:48

Yanbu

He sounds childish

louloutheshamed · 10/08/2012 20:48

Don't do it then. You are just perpetuating this situation if you give in and organise it.

HecateHarshPants · 10/08/2012 20:48

No. You are not being unreasonable. You're not his bloody secretary! Grin

Why can't him and his mate sort it out? He's just bloody spoken to him!

maybenow · 10/08/2012 20:50

i'm sure there must be a backstory to this because if this was me and dh and i'd said 'no you organise it, i don't have x's number' he wouldn't sulk and i would ask him today 'what time are we meeting x and y at the weekend?' or 'so where are we going?' and it just wouldn't be an issue to sulk or grump about.

the fact it is an issue for you and your dh either means there's a backstory or you're both quite touchy right now and just getting on each other's goat in general.

ChickensArentEligableForGold · 10/08/2012 20:51

YANBU.

giggitygiggity · 10/08/2012 20:58

maybenow - this conversation happened yesterday, the sulking has come about today because i did ask what had been arranged! This led to him starting on about what a grumpy cow i had been yesterday when he rang me!

Very perceptive though, we do seem to be really annoying each other a lot at the moment. I feel like I shouldnt have to apologise for being grumpy at him though - I was grumpy because he bloody well annoyed me with his stupid expectation that i am just here to sort out his life for him!

OP posts:
maybenow · 10/08/2012 21:03

not surprised there's more to this than seems.

how about just saying to him that you're sorry if it seemed to him you were grumpy, actually you weren't grumpy you just didn't want to do the organising this time since it's his friends and you do more than your share of weekend plan organising [said with a friendly smile and no argumentative tone]

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/08/2012 21:05

Of course it's easier if you phone her...

..for HIM!

Grin

Tell to pull his finger out his arse and sort it out.

giggitygiggity · 10/08/2012 21:13

Tried that.

Perhaps I'm just not very good at keeping the argumentative out of my tone... Grin

OP posts:
maybenow · 10/08/2012 21:45

Grin - or maybe he's just a grumpy git Smile

Shelby2010 · 10/08/2012 22:33

On the other hand, if you arrange it you'll probably end up somewhere child-friendly, with food available for the dc at an appropriate time and requirements for naps taken into consideration! I know you should be able to rely on DH to get these points right....... but realistically...?

Why don't you compromise by suggesting a time & place, then get him to text it to his mate for approval? YANBU, but not worth spoiling the whole weekend over.

Catsmamma · 10/08/2012 22:36

Get a badge made with Entertainments Manager on in and pass it over to him!

anastaisia · 10/08/2012 22:38

YANBU

If you want to make sure he considers the things Shelby just listed then tell him your requirements and let him sort it out. I'm sure he's capable of it since he seems to manage to hold down a job and function in society etc.

Honestly, if it was me I'd have back up plans but would go without him if he hasn't arranged anything at all. Would be too annoyed to have a nice day out with him if it seemed like he couldn't be bothered to organised things just once.

CrapBag · 10/08/2012 22:46

YANBU!!!

I am having a similar issue. We don't seem to do anything unless I plan it or even come up with the idea. Then I have to ensure that clothes are left out with specific instructions to get the kids dressed before I get up. If lunches are needed, I'll either make them the night before or tell DH to make the food in the morning. If I don't do these things, I will get up, no one will be dressed, no food ready and by the time we are all ready it is already lunch time and then no point in us going out until after.

I am a SAHM too and I am so fed up with being a bloody PA for me, the kids and DH. This evening I took DS to karate. 3 times I asked DH to bung me in some fish fingers, chips and beans for when we get back. What did I have? Fish fingers, chips (very over cooked), peas and corn. 3 fecking times and he even wrote it down, as PEAS not BEANS like I had asked.

Are these tasks really that difficult? Do they do it deliberately so we get so fed up that we just do it ourselves? Do I ask for square crisps and write it in capitals on the shopping list only for DH to come home with square and frazzles - following the discussion that I found them a bit too salty - for fun? Nope, these things are really really not fun for us!!!!

Grrrrrrrr. Needed a good rant.

Oh and back to the OP. DO NOT arrange anything this weekend. Your DH can solrt out his own arrangments with HIS friend. Failing that, come the weekend, he can take out the kids whilst you have some much deserved time off.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page