to be a little bit put out by being told what to do?

[newmummytobe79]

OK - I know I will end up doing this as it's not really a biggy ... but wonder if I'm being unreasonable to feel a little bit 'told'

Love in-laws by the way - so not an IL bashing thread.

In-laws have nice best friends. Quite involved with the family but very much more so with SIL's.

We receive Christmas cards from the friends and see them at the odd family do. MIL has said for me to bring one of the couples birthday cards with me next time I see her to save me a stamp.

No - it's so-and-so's birthday so would you like to send a card? etc ... just told to bring it with me as if it was a given.

We received an anniversary card from said couple last year and now I'm wondering if they were 'told' to send us one? I really hope not and that they did it off their own back.

I have extended family members that we just don't do cards with so if not told, I probably wouldn't have sent one.

Plus, why wasn't DH asked rather than me? (because he wouldn't have got round to it!)

AIBU to want to have been given the option or am I being a teenager not wanting to be told what to do!

Get a cheap but nice card. Write it. Give it to your mother in law. Not the biggest problem ever. Next!!

Latara

Exactly what I'll do :)

I've never liked being told what to do! I shall go to my room and have a good think about it

I wouldn't. You can't stop once you start. And like you say - why you? My ILs always blame me for no-show cards etc. Nothing to do with me!

If they are people who have seen your DH grow up then the ILs are not being unreasonable at all.

I gaze around me at the inherited number of IL-friends we have acquired. DH will be thankful when his parents have passed away to still have contact with their friends and reminisce about family matters that happened before you came along.

I wouldn't do this - I'm bad enough at birthday cards for immediate family, I don't need more opportunities to fail at this sort of thing. I would just say 'I'm not a great one for cards outside the family' and leave it at that.

Just say 'thanks for the reminder mil I'll pass it onto DH for him to sort out'

Personally I'd smile, nod and ignore but that's just me! When things got 'serious' with DH I told him I wouldn't be taking over card duty with his friends and family - my mum did this with my dad, it became her responsibility and she resented it. As far as I'm concerned its his business to remember birthdays on his side and mine on mine. Much less stress and no guilt!

In-laws - at least you have them (ie you are married). I am all alone (sob!).

Having said that; i would be assertive with in-laws... but not get in a stress over small stuff like cards.

Anyway; any in-laws would soon realise that i'm slightly disorganised & forgetful; so they wouldn't be telling me to do things like cards...

Maybe she was just trying to save you a stamp..

I wouldn't write a card. Dh's parents' friends - dh's remit.

I do my side. However, I wouldn't see the need to send a birthday card to one of my parents' friends.

Were they just assuming that you'd always sent them cards? Therefore they were saving you a stamp.

My MIL does this, I've had a very similar conversation this week!

She reminds us of all the families birthdays, I'm very organised and know when the birthdays are, they are all on my calendar!
We don't buy cards for aunties and uncles cos we have about a zillion of them between me and H usully just send a wee text and be done with it, and she knows this.
But she insists on saying 'have you got a card for such and such or will I get you one?', and then when we tell her that we don't send to all the aunties/ uncles/ fourth cousins twice removed, she says 'I'll just send one from you then'.

Emmmmm...no you won't, we are grown ups please don't treat us like kids!

I'm not MIL bashing, she is kindly my MIL, just has some boundary issues.