Hell I am being unreasonable and I want ideas to be even more unreasonable!!

[PandaSpaniel]

Hi everyone. I have recently split from my 5 month old's dad and I really wanted to double barrel his name to include mine but he wont agree to it. I am really pissed off and angry at him and feel really helpless because I can't do anything about it.

I would like some ideas of things to piss him off. My thoughts so far are changing my name to include his (rather crap as I don't want his name) and not providing anything when he picks his son up ( nappies etc)

IAM NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO DO EITHER as I don't want to make things any worse between us (as if that was possible) and also it isnt fair on my son but just as a bit of fun to cheer me up I would like some really outrageous suggestions of how to royally piss him off

Thank you

hellonHeels He was mainly emotionally abusive but yes he hit me on three occasions. Hard enough to cause a bruise but it was when he smacked me in the arm whilst I was holding his son that made me wake up to what he was like.

Hi - sorry you are having a crappy time. My DD's father didn't agree to the name change. You CAN get it changed through the court, even if he doesn't agree, as long as you don't remove his father's name. I added my surname to the end of my daughters (without hypenating it) and just use my surname now. The courts agree to this without any worries.

Panda how about rather than pissing him off by dressing DS in a frock for visits you don't let him near DS again?

My father was an emotionally and physically abusive cunt to my mum and didn't hold back on beating me. The night before my second birthday I dropped an unset jelly on the floor marking the carpet and he beat me until I vomited, then put me into the bath and continued to beat me.

As a result, I wouldn't let DP anywhere near DS if he laid a finger on me. Bullies like to find someone weak that won't hit back and children fill that description perfectly.

My (half) brother uses my dad's surname. He has done so since he was 7, all his bank stuff etc is in that name, his wife has that surname. He never did a legal namechange. I'm not sure how the details work, I assume he enters his birth name like you would a maiden name.
I also have a friend who goes by an assumed name (his stage name). He never did a deed poll, but apparently in British law you don't need to, the name you consistently use is legal.

PomBears Oh my God that is truly awful! I don't know what to say to that.

I think you may have commented on my other thread titled "Abusive partner or just me being dramatic"

I don't think he would ever hurt his child. I don't want to go through court either as I did that with DS1 and I couldn't eat or sleep because of the stress it was vile. Think this thread has taken on a very serious note.

Old has a point.

I changed my name (first name) many years ago as i had been 'known' as my middle name for years before. If I hadn't done it officially then it would have caused me significant issues - I would not have been allowed to sign as my 'known' as name and everything goes in your birth certificate name.

Even having done it officially I still have to present my name change documentation at times and only a certified copy will do... This is despite having everything (passport, bank accounts, etc) in my chosen name. For many years, whilst my GCSE's still counted, I had to explain my name changed constantly & present proof!

CRB's are interesting too - mine takes longer, I usually get questioned and some dippy girl in HR will envitable tell me I don't need to tell them I have changed my name

You can be 'known as' anything you like but using that name officially... No way.

narcolepsy Could you give me a few more details? I spoke to a solicitor and she said it was unlikely to win if I went for a court order even if it was just adding a name and not taking his name off.

How old was your daughter?

Double barrel is a bit 'meh' these days - you can however re-register using your name as a middle name.

And school use SIMs or CMIS, as their data base, which has a legal name section and a preferred to be known as section

So for arguements sake, he could go through school life legally as: Jonathan Black, but in the preferred name bit, which pulls through and over rides for day-to day business he could be Jon Smith.

Re-register a birth certificate??

yes - you can re-register first names at any time

in fact when you register the first time - you dont even have have a first name, you just go back and re register.

Don't I need his fathers consent??

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Birthandadoptionrecords/Registeringorchangingabirthrecord/DG_175618

Changing a child?s forename

You can change a child?s forename in the following circumstances:
new forenames were given in baptism or by regular use within 12 months of the birth being registered

if your child has been baptised, only the baptismal names can be added to the register - the minister with custody of the baptismal register needs to confirm this with the 'Certificate of name given in Baptism' form linked below

In Scotland I believe you can be known as any name as long as there is no intent to deceive.

Fancy moving? That would piss him off!

My sister's two oldest dc were known by her partner's surname at school as they wanted to be the same as their little sister. Oldest dc is married now but her son does not have any problems being known as her partners surname (even though they have since split), as he puts his original surname in under the section where it asks if you have ever been known as any other name.

Not according to Directgov - which is font of all information!

common usage name - you just decide hes called John James Smith instead of John Smith and use your surname (James, for illustration) as a middle name

You can probably do it by going through court.
Your partner is a cunt.

Shit, *EX, ex partner!

Oddly, for the weird and wonderful world of the law - any child can choose to legal change their name at 16, usually by deed poll. They don't need any parental consent for this, first or surname.

Buy DS a drum kit specially for use at XP's house as a present?

Legally you can change your childs name once on the birth certificate if you want to simply change their name. Marriage is different. Anyway, if there is no chance of reconcillaiation then change your child's name to reflect the change in your relationship and inform the school etc of this change.

Also as difficult as it would seem pretend that he is really of no consequence to you. Most people would hate to feel that they are not wanted/missed. Also depending how long you have been together you may be able to take him to the cleaners as his common law wife. He he he.

Also let it slip in polite conversation all the misgivings he has in the bedroom department if there aren't any make them up (nothing worse to a man than having his manhood insulted)

Any other ideas that come to mind for revenge (can we have an evil genius emotion pleeaassee)

jumpingthroughhoops Just read up on that link and am cautiously optamistic as it doesn't say I need his permission to change my sons forename. Do you know if this is the case? I am going to add my name as a forename so he will have 3 forenames then his dads surname but at least I can then use my name as a surname IYSWIM

When my mother married when I was 14, she changed mine and my younger sisters surname to the same as her and our stepdad at school and at the doctors without the need to issue proof. She didn't actually change our names officially, and my bank account, passport, birth certificate and driving licence is in my mothers maiden name. I have never had any problems, I just put in my old surname into the box where it asks for any other names you have been known as, and everything apart from the official
documents are in my mothers married name so I don't think you using a different surname for your child will cause any problems IMO.

yummy I would get nothing as my house is rented and luckily in my name only so I booted him out and he is now living at his poor old Grandma's. He has paid one lot of maintenance so at least he is looking after his son financially (sort of) I personally think he could pay more but we are going off what the CSA say he should pay so can't grumble.

Love the idea of making him feel bad about our love life or lack of it in recent months (due to pregnancy and c section) but can always say it was a damn good excuse not to partake lol

The best revenge is living well. If you incorporate his name don't you think you'll have a second by second lifetime reminder of him and do you want that?

I cannot remove his fathers name without his consent. However I can give my child my name as one of his forenames and call him that for example -

David JONES would now be called
David Smith JONES

Smith would officially be a forename but as it is on birth certificate he can then be known as
David SMITH

Hi. My daughter was 6. From Deed Poll: "your chances of successfully obtaining a court order (for children of all ages) is greatly increased if you do not seek to remove the absent parent's surname from your child's surname (i.e. by double-barrelling your child's surname). For young children, a two-stage strategy should be considered i.e. initially apply to change to a double-barrelled surname and if successful, you can apply again when your child is 11 years of age to have the absent parent's name removed altogether."

Because I only wanted to ADD my name, rather than removing his the family court agreed.