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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like puching this t**t in the face

19 replies

Jelly15 · 10/08/2012 15:51

DS2 (17) is a student in sixth form college and on hols. He has got a job washing up and being a gopher in a busy cafe (says restaurant but I beg to differ) for the minimum wage of £3.68. There is no dish washer but he is happy scrubbing dishes in the sink. The problem is his boss who thinks he is Gordon Ramsey and he thinks it is ok to to scream like a banshee at his staff and sware and belittle them.

We had heard rumours that this bloke was difficult to work for and has a quick staff turn over but we thought we would make up our own mind, but it looks like the they were right.

DS is not perfect and as this is his first experience of the work place I expect he needs to be told off from time to time if he is not doing things correctly but to humiliate him by calling him a F**cking disgrace etc is over the top.

DS has been very quite over the last week and I thought it might be AS exam results nerves but after interrogationg him the truth has come out. DH says it is they way of the world but I want to go down there and smash him face in for knocking the confidence out of my DS who is not the most out going of teens anyway.

DS wants us to keep out of it saying he can cope but surly this is bullying

OP posts:

melonandpapayaandmango · 10/08/2012 15:58

It's not that uncommon. I worked at McDonalds as a seventeen year old. I'll be fair and say they didn't know but my mother had died the previous month and I had the most horrible manager who used to scream in my face and one day I just ran out crying and never went back. Apparently it happened all the time

WithoutCaution · 10/08/2012 16:00

YANBU. You don't need to tell someone that they are a F**cking disgrace if they do something wrong. How is your DS supposed to learn the job in that type of environment.

Encourage you DS to look for another job. If he's still looking in a few months then a lot of shops/supermarkets will be looking for X-mas temps

TheCraicDealer · 10/08/2012 16:01

The worst thing you can do is go in all guns blazing and shouting the odds. The guy sounds deeply unpleasant, but he could be doing your DS a favour in the longterm by showing him that some bosses are arseholes and best ignored. He's 17 and entering the world of work, and you need to realise some things aren't going to be sorted out by "Mummy having a quiet word".

CrikeyOHare · 10/08/2012 16:03

I honestly know how you feel, and I would feel the same but...PLEASE don't get involved. Imagine how that would look, mummy going in to have a go at the boss. He'd never live it down.

Talk to your DS, let him know his rights etc etc, but he's old enough to deal with this on his own which is what he's said he wants.

Do feel for you though. Mine's almost 16 and I still want to beat the shit out of anyone who even looks at him funny - and I expect I'll still be feeling that way when he's 46 .

reluctanttownie · 10/08/2012 16:17

Sounds awful. Having said that you will definitely not make the situation better for your DS by getting involved (not unless he either intends to quit or you intend to see the whole situation through to an employment tribunal - clearly not worth it as presumably a relatively short term job?). He would surely retaliate by just treating your DS worse? Also, horrible though it is, surely he needs to learn to cope in the world of work without parental back up. Try to focus on the support you can give him at home to not let it knock his confidence, and to teach him to see it as a useful experience?

It may sound like small comfort, and I'm not condoning the situation but I had some AWFUL jobs with utter psycho bosses as a student. One summer shop job involved the manager reducing one member of staff to tears every single day. Staff turnover of 1 a week. In the long term I appreciate the experience as I REALLY appreciate a good manager when I have one. It also enabled me to learn some strategies for sticking at a horrible job and not letting horrible people get at you -sadly both frequent realities in life. I'm lucky in that I only had truly awful experiences like that in temp jobs. I have friends who spent their first few years of full time work - in good jobs for 'world class' companies - in tears nearly every morning because they were so unhappy. Sometimes the workplace sucks and you can't realistically do much about it other than develop coping mechanisms, esp in temp situations. It's really tough that his first experience is so bad though. Is there any way he could find something a bit nicer so that his first experience of work isn't so negative?

RubyFakeNails · 10/08/2012 16:25

I guess yanbu but your DH is right, Its the way of the world. Some work places are like this, your DS has the option that everyone else has, if he doesn't like it he can challenge it or leave.

I've been in a similar situation although not in the food industry and it just sort of irritated me but there were some who couldn't stand it and were so upset they left.

You MUST NOT get involved as it will do nothing but humiliate and make life harder for your DS.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 10/08/2012 16:27

YANBU but rather let you DS find another job. I had one fucker screech at me when I was waiting on tables in his restaurant. I asked him not to speak like that to me in front of customers and he immediately did the same thing to me. I walked out.

Icelollycraving · 10/08/2012 16:27

Although I sympathise,your ds would do better to leave than let his mum sort it out. This type of man would make his life infinitely worse by mummy smashing his face in having a quiet word.

ddubsgirl · 10/08/2012 16:30

happens in most places,head chef are nasty dh use to be chef,he use to be so quiet until he became a chef as you have to grow a thick skin and and just yes chef back :(

MaryHansack · 10/08/2012 16:32

tell your boy to throw a wet dishtowel at the twat and encourage a job hunt.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/08/2012 16:38

It sounds like your son really wants to keep up with the job, so don't get involved at all. Give your son some tips on how to be assertive, but don't go and embarrass him.

MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 10/08/2012 16:45

Is he the chef op? This bully?

I feel evil coming on.

Can't you get some thick skinned friends to eat in there. They demand to see the chef and belittle him with a good dressing down about how crap his food and restaurant are and what a fucking disgrace he is in front of all of the customers and how they will call trades descriptions/environmental health etc etc? They need to comment on the only positive - how clean the dishes are!

Nah seriously, if it's a chain of command and he bullies again your son needs to report to the next level. If it's not he will have to turn the other cheek or ask him politely not to swear at him. Final resort to leave - lifes just to short to put up with twats for pin money.

MissKeithLemon · 10/08/2012 16:52

Tell him to put some of the eye wash they keep for first aid in kitchens in chefs drink

A kindly, more senior, employee shared this gem with me when I first encountered a chef from hell

On the plus side, any teenager who can hold is own in a catering environment will probably go far in whatever he decides to do!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 10/08/2012 17:03

That is why no child of mine will ever go into catering! Been there, done that, got the tshirt.
I had the advantage of being 16 years older than he chef in my last place. He called me a cunt! I told him that I qualified as a chef before he was even out of nappies, id like a little respect, and that if he ever swore at me or any of the other front of house staff again, then he would be removing something large and pointed from his arse!
I know that doesn't help your son.
You could try telling him, that a MNer told you that the reason chefs are tossers, is because the extreme heat makes their penises shrink, and they need to bully their employees to counter their feelings of inadequacy!

landofsoapandglory · 10/08/2012 17:03

I know how you feel.

DS1 (17) has a weekend job in the local garden centre, where there are two managers. I know as soon as he gets in the car who has been working with, by his mood and the way he is so quiet. One of the managers continually puts him down, takes the piss put of his (very normal) name, laughs at him because of the way he speaks(he is very bright and has a good command of the English language, speaks very clearly and doesn't generally speak like a teen).

TBH I think these bully-boy managers are probably jealous of the young people they are working with. They can see their potential and probably wish it was them with their whole lives in front of them and the world at their feet! (that's what I tell DS anyway!)

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2012 17:08

I think the only thing he can do is to think of it as a joke. He could come home and write a list of all the insults he'd been called that day and the reason why. Pretty soon he'd realise that they were just ridiculous.

Or of course he could tell him to fuck off and leave.

Krumbum · 10/08/2012 17:08

Is there anyone above him the bulky that can be complained to in writing? Start noting down a list of all the incidences and dates so you have a list of evidence. Get son to speak to other employees about also making a complaint ( they won't, people are spineless). Join a union.

Krumbum · 10/08/2012 17:11

Just telling him to get another job is not the answer. He will continue to do this to other employees. If he does choose to leave he still needs to make a complaint to stop this happening again.
Joining a union will really help, the purpose of them is to get workers treated fairly.

CaliforniaLeaving · 10/08/2012 17:14

Poor kid. I'd want to go in a smash the boss in the face too.
My oldest had a temp job with a place with this kind of reputation, he went in twice, the woman was just awful to everyone. He was telling my Mum (his gran) about it and she said was not allowed to go back there again. So he didn't (love you Mum!) My whole family has worked in the food/tourist industry and never had to put up with this stuff, Gran was the head cook, she didn't scream and yell and got great workers and a great rep for good food. I did the washing up in hotel/restaurant at 16 and loved the cook and her husband who ran the place, lovely people.

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