Hi - first time I've asked anything emotive (to me anyway) and feeling a little tired/fragile - please go nicely...
I have 2 children aged 3 and 1 and I feel very fortunate to be able to be a stay at home mum as this is what I would choose to do given the choice (I do have loads of friends who work and I know it's the best decision for their family though). This is not due to money but because I am unable to work - I can get quite ill sometimes (migraine with paralysis and strong IBS) and also prone to depression.
It is hard work, especially when I don't feel well but I enjoy being around my children and enabling them to develop and learn as well as have fun and build their esteem.
I feel exhausted. I do not drive yet this does not stop me taking them out (within the city we live and its outskirts) and I regulary push myself even when physically it can be a struggle. I do not have a support network while my husband is working and unfortunatley he sometimes has to use his holidays to come home and look after the children when I go paralysed.
I find it difficult to be 'myself' and switch off once the children are in bed or on a trip out with their Dad. So I really feel like going away for a few days (over a weekend so husband can look after the children). This weekend I have in mind is to recouperate and rest and do what I feel like doing. As I never have nights out or days to myself I feel I would benefit from a block of 3 days(2 nights) rather than spreading out individual days/nights out. I also feel I would benefit from some me/alone time rather than be with friends. I do socialise a lot with friends along with the children and feel this suits me for now.
I suppose I feel guilty for craving a weekend to myself. Physically I know I need it, every part of me aches and feels ages to get over anything, I feel run down but determined to be the best Mum I can be.
The cons to going away would be I feel it is unfair on my husband. I feel so guilty at wanting nice, uninterrupted time to myself when I know he works full time and would then have to look after the children by himself over that weekend. I suppose that's an issue between me and him (ie how he feels) and he assures me he is fine with that and feels I could do with a break. He go out occasionally and I regulary encourage him because I know he works hard at work and home to compensate when I am ill. We are generally both home-bunnies by nature though when it comes to evenings/nights out (God, we sound exciting eh?)
Other things to consider:
My Mum passed away almost 2 years ago and I still have days I feel distracted with thoughts of her but unable to have space to think about her. (I have found the children can be a Godsend in this respect though).
Money would not be a issue to going away (I have a cheap destination/accommodation in mind)
The children themselves are very secure and do not blink if, on the rare occasion, my husband OR me is not there to tuck them into bed/be around them during the day. I feel confident enough at leaving them for a few days (I suspect this would be harder on me than on them!) I would also not go any more than a few hours by train so could always return home early if required.
So would it be unreasonable for me to go away? I think rationally I can talk myself into knowing it is not unreasonable however I can't shake off this feeling of guilt that it is not what a 'good' mum would do or even contemplate.
Also bear in mind I went away early May for 2 days due to being worn out from 6 months of migraines around 5 days each week. I feel guilty for contemplating another (and slightly longer) break? I guess I put this point at the end because it all rationally sounds reasonable to me until I remind myself I also spent a weekend away only a few months ago so don't really want to have to admit that to you all.
So am I being unreasonable to want a few days away by myself? Or really what I want to ask is - is it ok for me to go away from my children for a few days because I feel emotionally uncomfortable about this yet mentally and physically yearn it?
Thanks for reading. Sorry it's so long, was trying to avoid drip-feeding!