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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that we should be able to laugh at the really horrible things that life throws at us.

23 replies

CarefullEugene · 10/08/2012 09:51

Can you laugh at or about cancer? Should you? Do we really have to be 'brave' or 'battle' it all the time or can we slip the odd offensive comment about in.

(Bit of a thread about another thread, got a pasting on this AIBU for suggesting that scientist engaged in curing cancer are lazy for not making an effort for fulfilling my time travel desires)

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 10/08/2012 09:53

I don't think cancer is remotely funny..... Good luck finding someone who does!

WorraLiberty · 10/08/2012 09:54

What you choose to laugh at is entirely up to you

Just don't expect other people to share your 'humour'.

DozyDuck · 10/08/2012 09:59

I think you can laugh at your OWN situation, but not others. I can't imagine finding a funny side to cancer. Although I had a friend who used to laugh at how she looked after chemo (no one else laughed at her she did it herself, I think it's a case of either laugh or cry)

I laugh at some of the things That come with autism, for my own child, for example some of the literal thinking moments that make him do things that you don't want him to do, but did tell him to, like when the doctor told him to jump up on the bed, and he got onto the bed and started jumping. But I don't think I'd like it if people I didn't know laughed at him.

CouthyMow · 10/08/2012 10:06

It's a bit bloody hard to laugh about cancer when your14yo DD's best friend (also 14) has just died of cancer.

I fail to see the humour in it somehow.

bringbacksideburns · 10/08/2012 10:07

Depends on the context? Do you mean if you have Cancer yourself?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2012 10:13

No you shouldn't be obliged to laugh.

We went to see a comedian recently who was funny, until he started to make jokes about kids with learning difficulties. It was not remotely funny. Even in an ironic or 'being able to laugh at the bad stuff' way.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2012 10:14

I did contact him about this and he said 'there (sic) just jokes'. Wasn't impressed at an audience being encouraged to laugh at my child and children like her.

BadRoly · 10/08/2012 10:17

Depends on what you are laughing about. My Dad died of cancer in May. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 years ago. During the time between diagnosis and his death, both my parents, my brother and me would find humour in the situation and laugh about it. Because at times it was a choice of either laugh or cry.

However, I know dh's sister was horrified when their stepsister used similar humour about her dad when he was very poorly with cancer.

Diddydollydo · 10/08/2012 10:18

No of course you shouldn't laugh at cancer. As soon as that becomes the social norm, we're fucked.

Diddydollydo · 10/08/2012 10:20

BadRoly I can see what you are saying there. I think that kind of humour between a family as a way of coping with a horrendous situation is vastly different to it being an acceptable thing to laugh about as a society.

LunaticFringe · 10/08/2012 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitysummer · 10/08/2012 10:24

People deal with their own shit in different ways.

If you purposely set out to make an inappropiate joke which you know will offend people yes Frankie Boyle I mean you, you twat then you're idiot and deserve anything that is thrown at you.

If however you are genuinely trying to lighten a mood by making a lighthearted joke or to distract someone and it doesn't come out that well or as intended then you should be given the benefit of the doubt.

I can't see where cancer is ever funny personally, but I'm about to help a very dear friend bury her dad and he was forever cracking jokes about his hair loss, and how when he was in his wheelchair he wasn't bothered at all as he was used to being pushed around by his wife! He did it in attempt to lighten the mood and it worked for them.

Nymia · 10/08/2012 10:25

Laugh at whatever you want, as long as you're tactful about it - either judge your companions correctly or laugh alone!

It'd be a dull world if we were all the same in what we find funny, but a bit of tact goes a long way on a sensitive topic.

windywendy · 10/08/2012 10:26

I can't even begin to find anything remotely funny about my three year old having cancer.

Having said that, we have more good days than bad, we are all happy and our house is still filled with laughter. Some aspects are mildly amusing I suppose - the ridiculous eating whilst on steroids for one - but, generally, all of our happy times are despite the diagnosis.

elizaregina · 10/08/2012 10:27

I think the diff between joking about people with LD is that they may not know you are laughing at them.

Thats just plain immoral and nasty, like whispering abuse in a deaf persons ear or acting out lewd things in front of a blind person.

Otherwise I think humour is natures greatest healer and having a sense of humour and being able to laugh at nasty serious things is a great way of dealing with them.

Nymia · 10/08/2012 10:31

FWIW my 55 year old dad has had prostate cancer, then metastasis into the bone less than a year later, and now 6 months after the last radium treatment the cancer has moved somewhere else again...

...his favorite line is that "I've never had a problem with the cancer itself, it's the bloody doctor's finger is the worst part!"

Flobbadobs · 10/08/2012 10:32

I think I see where you're coming from. My friend has cancer and is capable of making jokes and up beat comments about treatment, losing her hair etc. it's a case of laugh or cry I think.
My family use humour to deal with bad situations a lot but only amongst ourselves, others won't understand.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2012 10:33

elizaregina..so if they did realise you were laughing at them it would be OK?...I think not.

Pekka · 10/08/2012 10:34

I agree with sideburns, it depends on the context. I saw your other thread and I thought that comment wasn't offensive and was clearly humorous.

Littlebluetoo · 10/08/2012 10:43

Nymia: sorry to hear about your Dad. Mine died almost exactly 10 years ago of the same thing. It matastisied (sp?) and he ended up needing to have his thigh bone pinned as well as the kidney out and so many other things! Your post struck a chord woth me as Dad and I have very black sense of humour and he always said his favourite consultant was the lovely (and very attractive asian lady) simply on the basis of the small hands!
Dad and I would have jokes about things that only WE who were going through it could find any humour in. We worked out one day how much all his treament had cost (BUPA footed the WHOLE bill!) and were quite pleased to see we were nudging the £500k mark. Dad felt he had had his monies worth!
Another time we howled with laughter planning the most inappropriate funeral we could think of. Awful I know but although neither of us are/were religious, it did help me through the actual funeral remembering what we could have had! Still makes me smile now!

SoleSource · 10/08/2012 10:49

Which rag do you work for?

NicknameTaken · 10/08/2012 11:54

You have to take your lead from the person doing the suffering. After my dad had a mini-stroke, he was muttering bleakly about going to the Dignitas clinic. I waxed enthusiastic about what a lovely family outing it would be to Switzerland. He reluctantly started to laugh and from then on, turned a corner.

NicknameTaken · 10/08/2012 11:55

Littleblue, your dad sounds fab. I think that is a lovely memory to have of him.

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