To think I shouldnt have to tidy up after a 42 yr old man!!!

[Monica2012]

DP have lived together for a year. Hes always been this way but now its starting to grate more than ever.

The things he does include;

leaving wardrobe door wide open and not closing it after hes got whatever he wants from it, so usually I will close it when I get up later.

He leaves bedroom and kitchen drawers open after hes got things out, also the same with kitchen cupboards

he put his dirty washing in the wash basket this morning, but did it so the jeans where still all hanging completely out of it and then shoved the lid ontop, instead of putting the jeans in properly, so you couldnt see the contents of the wash basket.

He uses a bath towel after shower and shoves it over bed frame in morning, instead of putting it in laundry or returning it to bathroom.

He will have shave and brush teeth in morning, but never put the toothbrush back in toothbrush holder, or put the razor in the bin

The one that pisses me off the most is that the bin can be full, but he will put something else in, meaning the lid wont shut, but will he take the bin out...will he hell!!!

We have several different colour recycling bins. He knows what each one is for, but he will put a bag of general waste in the garden/kitchen waste bin, and theres me trying to scoop it out...yuck!

He very rarely helps round the house. Weve lived together a year and in that time hes vacuumed maybe twice, dusted once, put washing on maybe three times, ironed once, swept maybe five times and I cant remember him ever mopping. Is this normal? I tell him how unhappy I am and how much I would appreciate help, but it doesnt seem to make any difference. I know I should probably leave all his mess for him to sort out, but it would get left and left...I know it would!!!

No, not normal for someone to be so selfish.

Stop tidying up after him for a start. I don't know what else to suggest as you appeared to have appealed to him and been ignored. Not much respect or care been shown towards you. Please don't accept that (even if others reply saying it is normal in their homes).

Ps, some of the things you list sound like a your way v his way problem.

You should marry my husband, he has an obsession with drawer-cupboard- wardrobe doors left open, too. His obsession drives me batty, who cares as long as they aren't in the way? Yet DH will ignore the kids' stuff left everywhere (unless it's a plate with 5 micro crumbs on it in the lounge, in which case it's a screeching big-threats offense ) & he often leaves a pot of soapy water with sponge in it just sitting around for weeks after he's cleaned something else up. HELLO? Who is supposed to clear your cleaning materials away? I wonder.

I find that DH does better if things are completely routine. So I have him cook tea every night. He can't fail to notice it needs doing. Can you find some daily routine chores to lumber your DH with? Absolutely consistently? Don't rely on him just noticing things need doing.

Look at it this way, you have a fully grown child in the house that goes out on their own to give you a break, so that's good, isn't it?

Who used to do the household jobs in his house before you lived together. ?
Not his mum?

My bugbear is dirty dishes on top of the empty dishwasher

Yes, stop cleaning up after him, for a start.

For a second, maybe relax just a little. Is the open wardrobe door or the not quite closed laundry basket really that big of a deal? Or is it that they are in addition to the fact that he does nothing around the house?

Do you have children together?

Your mistake was putting up with it from the start.
You are not his mother -( although I fail to see why his mother should do it).
Sit him down today and tell him that if he doesn't do his fair share you will have to part. If you don't do this you are in for a lifetime of tidying up around him and doing all the housework. He won't change if he knows that you will do it and moaning and nagging won't make for change.

pmsl @ WWWW.

Cocklodger

My DH doesn't seem to see mess, and it genuinely doesn't bother him if his the bed is left unmade and his shoes are left in the middle of the floor for a week. Over 7 years of marriage, I have slowly trained him to put his dirty washing in the basket, but he has never been known to actually do any washing, even he runs out of pants. He will do the washing up occasionally if I beg him and has mopped the floor once or twice when I have been poorly.

I'm a SAHM and don't really resent the division of labour that we have, but I don't like clearing up after him unnecessarily when it is so easy to do things like putting ones toothbrush away. I have learned to pick the battles that matter to me most, e.g. rinsing the bath after use and not cluttering up the kitchen side with mess when I am trying to cook.

Although I agree that women should not be allowing skanky men to get away with slovenly behaviour all the time, I also feel that as DH was 40 years old when I married him I am unlikely to be able to change his whole messy nature. His flat was a disgusting pile of filthy washing up, dust and old socks when I met him, but I married him anyway, for all his other good qualities. There's a middle ground to be found somewhere, and I have had to make some compromises in my own housekeeping standards.

I went on strike when we first started living together to prove a point. It wasn't fun, living in filth and chaos. But I sat it out until he reached his limit. Having said that, I did have to relax my standards as well so it ended up being a compromise.

Op you sound so much like me...

I think you may be married to my husband!

Don't do it for him, if he leaves the draws open open all the draws and walk away. Towels left on the bed find there way into his side of the bed in our house. As for the laundry basket be pleased he knows you have one. Dh thinks ours is next to his bed or on the bathroom floor.

I have 3 like that - but they are only 9 and 10. It drives me nuts with them at that age - but I am hopeful I can train them out of it before they are let loose on some poor unsuspecting future partner.

I would be tempted to print this thread out and give it to him.

...can't resist it any longer ..."LEAVE THE BASTARD !"......

Only kidding...live with a 42yr old who goes through spells of cleaning the house and having it orderly like an OCD sufferer then reverts back to leaving everything at his arse....

I leave cupboard and wardrobe doors opem I leave drawers open, I think the only reason my toothbrush goes into the holder is because it is electric and won't charge if I don't.

I really don't know I'm doing it, or why. I only noticed it when I had a housemate who shut cupboard doors all the time. But then he would leave empty coke bottles and crisp packets on the floor and if I asked him to pick up the rubish he's say "what rubbish?"

I'm sorry but the only think I can suggest is a checklist, or a sricker board just as you would do with a child.