to think that cheating is just one of the most unnecessary and destructive things you can do without getting arrested?

[thatisall]

Really it seems that way.

I feel as though the last 5 years have been filled with stories and experiences of people cheating. I wonder whether the men and women involved truly understand the damage that they do to their partners?

I know it is hard to end a relationship, I know that these things are often 'unplanned' but the fact is that they ruin lives.

Feeling a bit ranty tonight guys as I've just had ANOTHER friend go through it with her partner and just need a grrrr moment!!

oh yes, its destructive alright.

when i was growing up, the impression was given by society, through the media that promiscuity and infidelity are normal and expected. how are people going to overcome those messages? we live in an 'if it feels good, do it' kind of culture.

Cheating is just the way of the world. If you can't beat them, join them.

Only marry for financial security. Love? oh yeah love but never love anyone more than you love yourself (apart from kids of course)

Don't marry a man who's finance are not up to scratch.

Protect yourself financially and you're good to go.

Hope this helps.

OP am in total agreement! Sick of hearing that 'it wasn't planned' or 'it was a mistake' or 'it just happened'. F* that - people make choices. And choices have consequences. And in the case of affairs, those consequences are usually devastating and heartbreaking. I don't understand how any decent human being can do it, much less be blase about it. (Sorry, in case you can't guess, my XH had an affair last year and brought our 14 year marriage/18 year relationship to an abrupt and horrible end.) So rant away!

It seems to me that it depends somewhat on which social circles you are in.It seems to be rife in some,and not in others.Also,Im pretty sure it has been proven that if say some in your group get divorced,it encourages[if that is the right word]others to think about it and do it when they might not have done otherwise.
sostressedsostressed,I think your name may say it all.You seem to think you have it sussed when you dont.

Agreed Op.

Distressed, you are right. Your a taunt.
Marry for financial security? Really, are you in the 1950's?
It may surprise you that women can and are financial secure on their own.

Not distressed, I meant sostressed.
Damn auto correct.
OP you are right.

danteV,you may be more right the first time than you realise.

amillion I think you are right. Maybe its not auto correct. Maybe my phone is psycic. :)

sostressed - you certainly sound bitter.

maybe we need to stop believing in fairytale marriages too

and be a little more open to relationships that are not based purley on being sexually faithful to one parnter

yup, agree.

LadyBeagleEyes,thanks for that.Thought that might have been the case from another thread she is currently in.
Do you know if they tell half truths?And are they sometimes in real emotional pain?
Or can it all be made up,as MNHQ says,posted by a 17 year old lad in a Peckham flat.

Freudian my relationship is not solely based on being faithful. Its part of it.
My relationship is based on respect, friendship and honesty. All that disappears when one person decides to bring a 3rd person into the relationship without the others knowledge and/ or consent.
I know someone who, after a road accident, is disables and can no longer have sex with his wife. After many years he decides he would be happier with an open marriage rather than divorce. His wife loves him but missed sex. She now has a boyfriend who the dh knows and welcomes into their home. She would never have had an affair behind his back.
It suits them so why not? The difference being both people in the marriage are fully aware of the situation. No one is being lied to, manipulated, kept out of the others lives.

sostressed didn't I read on another thread that you are about to get married? I feel sorry for your future spouse. The love should be equal in my opinion.

I think the trick when cheating has occurred is to let yourself feel bad for a little while then dust yourself down and get on with your life otherwise the cheater will have taken so much more from you than they should be allowed. Don't feel bitter, don't judge all people by the worst of people. In fact I reckon that's probably the best possible revenge - moving on, looking happy, having fun. The "you did me a favour" approach

I may be wrong but most people I know don't base their relationship purely on being sexually faithful to one partner. But it's not a big ask really.. and if you're not able to stay faithful to one partner then don't get into an exclusive relationship- be open about it. Often it's the deceit and lying that hurts the most

sostressed does your fiance know that you feel that way? BTW I wouldn't marry a man who wouldn't carry his own weight financially but to marry solely for that...

My internet connection has been down for a few days but I've just come back to lots of 'your right's......which is always nice to have on Mumsnet isn't it haha...

....oh and a troll, how quaint

lubilee I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I think that's one of the saddest things I've read on mumsnet I have so much respect for what you did, and what you're doing. I cannot imagine being broken down so much. Xx

lubilee you sound as though you are making plans to leave. You will, and better things and better partners will come your way. What a bastard. Chin up love. x

It's a question of personal integrity.

If you freely and voluntarily enter into a monogamous relationship, then you should live up to it. If you find that the relationship you chose is no longer your choice, don't violate you personal integrity, and don't shit on your OH with infidelity. End the relationship, no matter how painful that may be in the short term, let the dust settle and move on.

Lubilee, I hope things change for the better for you in the near future.