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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt by DPs reaction to this.

20 replies

storminabuttercup · 09/08/2012 21:10

I've just wrote a huge post And lost it.

Here's the edited version, I didn't want to drip feed.

DS is clumsy. He's two.

Today I took him to DPs mums for her to have some time with him, I came home. Before I took him I had to clean him up and change him as he was filthy, I stripped him, washed him and covered him in suncream.

He's come home with a big graze type thing on his arm, nothing serious just big in length. definately wasn't there before.

When DP brought him home first thing he said was, 'what's that on ds' arm' I look and say 'must be a graze he's always hurting himself, he'll have slipped in the garden at your mums'

'no says DP my mum says he didn't do it there' I say he must have wasn't there before etc, no big deal its nothing.

Again he insists it must have been there before. Again I say it wasn't (I would have definitely seen it it's big) I say it's nothing again.

DP continues to insist that it must have been, now I'd not made a big deal or anything it really is nothing. When I asked dp what he was getting at he said 'if my mum said it was there when you took him it must have been' at this point I just leave it, my friend is there and I'm not arguing.

Now what I don't get is a) why is he insisting mil is right And I'm wrong? B) why is it such a big deal if DS got this Mark there and C) why is mil so certain it wasn't there before. Like I said I would have seen it when wiping all the mud and chocolate from his arms, then adding the suncream.

Mil and I don't get on but honestly this is nothing I would no way be worried that this had happened there. But now I'm a bit concerned about what they are trying to say.

I intend to speak to DP when I get out of this lovely bath so waiting to see if I'm UR!!

OP posts:

Original poster

storminabuttercup · 09/08/2012 21:11

Wow that was still a bit long

OP posts:

Hesterton · 09/08/2012 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernexile · 09/08/2012 21:14

YANBU- he should believe you! Did you explain you ad to give DS a wash and would have seen it? Why would you lie about it? I would be annoyed with my DH if he didn't believe me about something like that.

DialMforMummy · 09/08/2012 21:14

YANBU
That would piss me off no end. I'd have it out with him.

NatashaBee · 09/08/2012 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minesapintofwine · 09/08/2012 21:21

I understand but sorry yab a little unreasonable. Though I would feel the same way and often my dh gives me cause to. The reasons are a)his mum is always right even though you should now be his priority if it's you against her she will always win in his eyes. b) It's not a big deal really so probably best to let it go (it's really you v mil isn't it?!?!) c)She probably didn't know for definate and didn't see it happen.

I refer to the above as if this was my own dh as his overreaction would be the same as your dp. Case point. I sent mt dts to nans and said to her a thousand lot of times "if you go out you'll need bibs in change bag. The reason I said this many times is she doesn't listen she just nods and says yes of course whilst secretly planning her escape from to do exactly what she wants. Dh brings them home then gets a text of mil "tell mines theres no bibs in change bag". Why? Why did she have to make such a blimmin point of it? Anyway I speak up "I told her, I told her, she never listens, she's only sent that text (why not to me?) to make me look bad". Dh's reaction is you are wrong mines my mum is perfect. No defence.

So yanbu for being a little confused. Yabu for even bothering to question a mans defence of his mum. We'll get our turn when our ds's grow up!

minesapintofwine · 09/08/2012 21:21

I can do long posts too!

Ilovedaintynuts · 09/08/2012 21:24

YANBU I would be extremely annoyed to be challenged like that. I wouldn't do it to my DH and wouldn't expect it back. Does he disrespect you in other ways?

1Catherine1 · 09/08/2012 21:30

YANBU...

I think minesapintofwine is very tolerant.

I can't see that conversation ever occurring with me and DP as it would simply be "I know it wasn't there when I left because ....", end of, no discussion needed.

Original poster

storminabuttercup · 09/08/2012 21:31

DP collected DS from MILs she drew it to his attention.

mines yes I guess I abu to disagree about his mum but it's just made me so

He's always defending his mum, for example her behaviour, but not about this, I'd explained I'd washed him. I just dont get why it's a big deal. He comes home from my mums with stuff like this all the time, she always tells me what happened. I KNOW how easily he hurts himself, he's got a grazed knee at the moment where he fell trying to climb into the chicken coop and a Mark on his hand where he fell chasing mums dog with the football, these things just happen!

OP posts:

minesapintofwine · 09/08/2012 21:36

It's not a big deal at all theyre the ones making it so. When you get out of the bath I would say something like "can you make sure you leave the antiseptic out for ds's really bad cut". He may just realise he's overreacting!

1Catherine I am quite tolerant. I maintain the higher ground when it comes to things like this so I always come out smelling of roses whilst inwardly I bitch and whine.

WildWorld2004 · 09/08/2012 21:50

My dd(8) always has bruises popping up out of nowhere. Shes got one on her arm that i have no idea where she got it from. Shes always dancing, prancing, jumping & rolling about.

YANBU you should have just told your husband that it wasnt there when you left him & that sometimes kids will get bruises or grazes. Its no big desl.

Original poster

storminabuttercup · 09/08/2012 22:28

Just about to discuss now.

OP posts:

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 09/08/2012 22:33

YANBU he's basically calling you a liar

And minesapint not all men are like like, my DH puts me first always

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 09/08/2012 22:35

Your MiL has "allowed" DS to get the graze and has panicked thinking you will blame her and she should have been watching him and keeping a closer eye on him. She has automatically assumed you will blame her and/or bad mouth her and has "got in first" to insist to your DH that she didn't do it so to speak.
Now perhaps she really should/could have had a closer eye on him, you'll probably never know, but in her mind she feels in the wrong so has decided to head off any repercussions, never thinking that you would be fine with it, and has impressed on your DH that She Didn't Do It! DH has no idea what she's up to and is wondering what you're going on about, because his mum has told him you blame her (even though you don't).

Original poster

storminabuttercup · 09/08/2012 22:48

POM, that is exactly what I think. Upon taking to dp he says that all he knows is that when he arrived mil said 'what's happened to ds' arm' therefore in his head, it couldn't have possibly happened there as she didn't know

I have said that I don't appreciate his insinuations, and that I'm hurt by this which apparently I shouldn't be as he's only going by what his mum said it's like I'm taking to the wall.

By his mum now potentially lying about this, what ever the intentions are, I'm now thinking what next, DS does something more harmful but she doesn't tell me as she thinks I'll be annoyed?

It's actually rather worrying.

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfEveything · 09/08/2012 22:57

Yanbu! It sounds as if they're ganging up on you

AdoraBell · 10/08/2012 00:09

YANBU

nothing else to add really apart from it's no accident that we live t'other side of the planet to the ILs, sorry I know that's not overly helpful.

LordOfThe5Rings · 10/08/2012 00:18

Yanbu.

Gerown woman should take responsibility.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 10/08/2012 00:28

Tell MIL that if she lies again that it means obv you won't be able to trust her, that lack of trust will mean she can't have DS on her own and therefore she can only see him at yours under your supervision.

I am not premenstrual at all oh no

Ach maybe not but you do need to question dh attitude on the you v mil stance. He needs to grow up and realise where his loyalties should lie.

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