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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel a little put out and hurt? (Sorry, long)

6 replies

NotGeoffVader · 09/08/2012 16:10

Will try to keep this brief. My Dad died a couple of months back and as were hsi wishes, we did not have a funeral per se. We (my sibling and I) arranged to hire a village hall in an area he enjoyed visiting, and invite family and friends.

One of these was a man whose late wife was friendly with my late mother. Sort of an acquaintance by default.

Sent him an invite and he called to tell me he'd be coming with his new partner. He phoned me on my mobile when I was out and reception was bad. I asked him if I could email him as the address I had put on the invite was wrong. He gave me an email address along the lines of HisNameWifesName@emailprovider. co.uk

I duly sent an email to him that evening with the correct address, an apology for confusion and a 'see you there' type note.

A few days later I got an email from him asking something about food, to which I replied, and said 'see you on X date'.

On the day itself, I was feeling quite upset and stressed. Whilst I was busy trying to get food and drinks sorted out (and trying to get people to get out of the kitchen and into the hall), he phoned, but I was unable to get to the phone in time. When I checked my voicemail he said he was at the address on the invite.

I was too flustered and upset to deal with him at the time, as I was gearing myself up to making a speech, and asked my DH to phone him back and give directions. (Disclaimer - I have no sense of direction at all and would have had to get DH to speak to him anyway).
DH said all was well, he'd explained route and the family friend was en route.

He never showed up.

I dont' have a phone number so a few days after the event when I felt more 'grounded' I checked through my emails and discovered that the email address I'd sent to originally was not the same one he'd used when contacting me. Not wildly different, but it had their house number in it (so NameNameNumber@...).

Realising this, I fired off an email immediately saying that I was sorry for the confusion and not seeing him, that the email address I'd had was different from what I thought he'd told me, but because his mail came almost as a reply to what I'd sent, I did not think to check. I said I hoped he'd not been inconvenienced etc.

I haven't heard anything at all! I'm still feeling quite upset over two weeks later.
Please reassure me that I'm just being oversensitive.

OP posts:
baskingseals · 09/08/2012 16:47

i think you are. i think you are probably still upset about your dad.
don't worry about this chap.
really sorry for your loss.

beatofthedrum · 09/08/2012 16:53

Poor you, easy mistake to make, you should def just forget about it, there's no way you could have dealt with minor confusions like that during your dad's funeral. You did the right thing sending the email after and you should now dismiss it from your mind.

Really sorry about your dad.

SoleSource · 09/08/2012 16:56

You went above and beyond what is noemally expected of a person in that situation. Maybe focusing on this stops you focusing on your DF passing. Yabu to worry about rhis person this much you wete NBU at all x

jubilee10 · 09/08/2012 17:07

I lost my mother recently and I know I am extremely over sensitive about lots of things. I cried the other day because someone had changed the clinic list at work. I don't normally notice never mind bother about it. You did your best so now don't worry anymore about it.

Take care Smile

KurriotsOfFire · 09/08/2012 19:36

I'm so sorry for your loss, and of course you will feel sensitive - losing a parent is very hard Sad

Really, people attending a funeral make their own arrangements to get there, they don't pester the family of the deceased, - he could have asked anyone and found out where to go. So do not worry on that account - it wasn't your fault, you did your best in very trying circumstances.

I lost my Dad just before Christmas - and like you I found myself focusing on little things that felt as if they had gone wrong - (the person who conducted the service getting my name slightly wrong for example) - things that didn't matter in the bigger picture. But the bigger picture is very sad and hard to go through, and we let ourselves somehow get caught up in trivial matters.

It takes time - that's all I can say, and allowing yourself to feel your sadness, - I'm just starting to be able to let the happy memories of my Dad come to the fore - so I can think about him and smile, - and you will get there too in time. Take care xx

NotGeoffVader · 10/08/2012 12:14

Thankyou everyone - there are many more happy memories than there are sad ones. I suppose I was just feeling a bit 'ignored' when I'd try to put an error right.

Ok, shelve it and move on. Shall do! :)

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