I didn't want another dog, we had your big "brother" already, hes quite chuffed to be a BIG brother actually, as he is knee high to a grasshopper. Im not so sure he is quite so chuffed with you pestering him all day for a game of "Terrier wars" but hey ho, he loves you really. We were only driving past the Dogs trust on the way home from finishing work early, we had an hour to kill. So my DP (thats your dad now) said, oh, lets go look at the dogs "im not getting anotehr dog" i say 
So we go in, and DP asks why all the dogs are only recommened for children over 8. Our DD is six. The lady explained that it was a general guideline and it very much depended on the dog and that they didn't want to home a dog if it wasn't going to work out. There i was, nodding enthusiastically when she was explaining this, giving DP the "see" look. Then the lady tells us about a possible dog, a staff x chihuahua bitch, but she was being "looked at" by a new owner. So we waited, the new owners came in, beaming. So, i was a little disappointed, but relieved. I didn't want another dog, remember! So they said "what about Gollum" Gollum FFS, who would call a dog Gollum?
So i said, well, we are here now - and she goes off to fetch you. Having explained to us that you had been shipped over from Norn Iron, they have a big problem with strays and unwanted dogs over there. Especially terriers. She bought you out - you just looked WORRIED. You backed away from us and i wasn't sure, so i sat down and let you come to me - you came over to me with that worried look on your face where your little forehead wrinkles up. Had a sniff and then jumped up - our fates were sealed. DP looked at me, i raised my eyes to the heavens, here we go again, i thought. We were allowed to take you for a walk, take you to the big fieild. It didn't take you long to relax and we could see you would be "such fun". I still wasn't sure, a new dog seemed like such a luxury. DP said that we needed something good for us, i agreed. I told the lady we would love to have you. We had a few more hoops to jump through - we had to see if your older "brother" would accept you. I was worried, he can be a bit grouchy with other dog. But when you met, you were respectful and didn't push your way, the worried face came again, it was OK. The rehomer said it would be fine. I told them i wanted my DD to meet you but i wouldnt let her come unless we could definately have you. The rehomeer agreed. Two days later and you were ours!
Since then you have ruined my sex life - i wake up every morning now with you between me and DP and there is no moving you! You have chewed thorugh:- One pair of childrens crocs, one mobile phone charger, one lap top cable, one pair of designer glasses and a cycling helmet I do not appreciate this. You pester your big "brother" for terrier wars and whine at him until he reliquishes his chews just to shut you up. You steal my tea all the time, ok, so i dont usually finish it, but you make a bloody mess!
But you are just so cute, you are the most peculiar looking little brown dog, we changed your name, i could not call you gollum, you don't look like a weedling little goblin, you are a happy little chap. You make me laugh every day.
The point of this post is to tell you that tonight when the lady over the road knocked on the door and asked if you were my dog, my face was like 
as i hadn't noticed you were gone, you must have slipped out when i was putting the washing in, we were busy, you just trotted in the front door - but you must not ever EVER do this again, do you understand me? It is not a nice friendly world where everyone wants to be your friend. You are a terrier, there will be people out there who will take you away and make you fight other dogs, im not talking "terrier wars" bitey face game that you play with big brother, im talking about another dog intent on tearing you to peices. Those car things, those are bad too, they will squash you flat. Ive not had you very long - about four months id say, but i love you OK. I felt sick that you were out in the road. I know where you got out, ive secured it, the garden is secured for your big brother, but you are wee, you can find the tiniest gap and squeeze through. Tomorrow i am going to go through the garden and make sure there are no more gaps, but please don't do that again. I didn't want another dog, but fate intervened and you are mine, i dont want to lose you!!!