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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Chickenpox etiquette

27 replies

eatssleepsfeeds · 08/08/2012 20:03

My 2 children (6mths and 2yr old) were unknowingly exposed to chickenpox last weekend. We're due to go on a family hol in this country with DH's larger family in less than a fortnight - exactly when the chickenpox will be at its most contagious but probably just before they'd break out in spots and I knew for sure that they had it. 2 little kids who are also due to be on the hol (2 and 5 year olds) haven't yet had chickenpox according to their mum when I called her today to discuss. She honestly didn't know what to say about the whole thing and whether she'd be ok to let her kids get it or not. We left it so that she could have a think about it. I said we'd pull out of holiday but she's far too polite to take me up on that.

My kids might not actually have it so it could all just be a fuss over nothing. We won't know if they have got it until after we get there because of this long incubation period. If they did come out in spots I would insist on returning home straightaway.

I know my DH will not be happy to pull out of the holiday (men can be v inconsiderate about these kind of things) and would say I'm causing a fuss. Would I BU to insist on pulling out now or leave it to these kids' mother to say something further? The hol's not for another week and half yet.

Thanks

OP posts:

HarryHoleCameToTea · 08/08/2012 20:14

My 3 1/2 year old has so far been exposed to chicken pox 7 times (that I know of) and has yet to catch it!
The first few times I cancelled things and kept him at home towards the end of the incubation period to be on the safe side but I have stopped now. I will keep him away from people when he does finally catch it but there's only so much you can sensibly do when you can't know that they are even incubating it.
Canceling a holiday just in case sounds extreme unless you know or think someone there might be at extra risk?

honeytea · 08/08/2012 20:15

I think you are very kind and responsible and it is the right thing to pull out of the holiday.

bulby · 08/08/2012 20:33

To be honest the vast majority of children will get chicken pox at some point therefore I'd be tempted to just go on holiday. Your friends kids may catch it or they might not only to get it at a later time. Dd is just recovering from pox and is at the scabby stage- it was almost a relief that she got it because I don't have to worry when (not if) she's going to get it anymore.

foreverondiet · 08/08/2012 20:38

I would go, your kids might not get it, unless any of the other kids going have weakened immune systems and it would be a big problem to get it.

FWIW my DN played with my DS1 when he was at his most contagious, didn't get it and then got it from someone else around 6 weeks later. My DD1's friend spend the entire day with her the day before her spots came and she'd didn't get it then.

My friend is paediatrician - said good to get as a child - so unless it would be dangerous for the other kids I would go.

FantabulousFryingPan · 08/08/2012 20:39

There have been at least 10 different cases of chicken pox at my DS's nursery over the last year or so. He hasn't caught it yet. If I cancelled everything I was doing cos he may get chicken pox I would never do anything.

I think you should go on holiday.

Original poster

eatssleepsfeeds · 08/08/2012 20:39

Thanks for comments. It's tricky. One minute I think it's ok to go then I put myself in my sis in law's position and think I'd just hate going on that holiday, watching my kids mix with hers and just waiting for my kids to get ill... Bit like asking her to come to my chickenpox party. My DH's position tonight is leave it to her to come back to us and say what she thinks. She'll feel pressure to attend the hol though and not cause a fuss and I hate putting her in that position. Really annoying.

OP posts:

fivegomadindorset · 08/08/2012 20:41

DS spent three and a half years at nursery school and got it on the last day he was there. DD came out in spots the day after she went to a birthday party and only one out of the seven children there caught it from her, just because they have been exposed is no guarantee that they will get it so go under the proviso that if they get spots then you will come back.

ValiumQueen · 08/08/2012 20:41

Is anyone pregnant or immunosupressed? Might be best to check.

cutegorilla · 08/08/2012 20:43

How exposed were they? If it was only a brief contact I doubt they'd get it anyway. In general I'd not change any plans until I'm sure they've got it or you'd go mad every time they were exposed, which will happen a lot, and then they'll end up getting it when you don't even realise they have been exposed!

LemonBreeland · 08/08/2012 20:43

There really is a big chance your dc won't get it. You should go and enjoy the holiday.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 08/08/2012 20:45

eatssleepsfeeds if it was the other mother posting saying something like 'I am meant to be going on holiday with family soon. Some of the children have been recently exposed to chicken pox and will be due to come out with the spots right on holiday time. The mum has phoned me and asked me what I think she should do. I didn;t like to tell her to stay home with her DCs as that would be spoiling their holiday but I really don't want my DCs to get it deliberately. I know how horrible it can be. AIBU?' every body would be saying how irresponsible the 'other mum' is to even consider it and how dare she put the onus on you.

I know this, because there was a recent post that was similar.

ValiumQueen · 08/08/2012 20:48

I thought the recent thread the kid actually had the pox? If we isolated our kids each time they were exposed we would never get out. Perhaps OP should consider more how she would cope away with two kids with CP? Is it near enough to come home etc.

ValiumQueen · 08/08/2012 20:50

Apologies I missed the last bit of the OP about coming straight home

AlwaysHoldingOnToStars · 08/08/2012 20:56

I'd go. You don't know for sure that they'll get it, and if they don't you'll be sat at home cursing yourself for not going. Her kids are going to get it one day. Yes, it's not nice, but it's life.

3 of mine have had it this summer, and 1 went to a birthday party 2 days before he came out (though in my defence, he got it first very mildly and then came down with it again which took me completely by surprise!) And obviously the others still carried on going to school even though they were contagious before the spots appeared.

Original poster

eatssleepsfeeds · 08/08/2012 20:57

Yes, I thought I saw that thread and probably that's what made me think about this more than I might have done before! I remember there were some strong opinions!

Yes, I can return home in under 2 hrs from where we'll be and no probs.

No, no one could be pregnant apart from my sis in law who now knows the situation and no one else with a compromised immune system.

My kids spent the whole day with a child who broke out in spots the very day after visit. They were all over each other so I do think it's pretty likely to have passed to my kids...

OP posts:

ValiumQueen · 08/08/2012 21:00

There is a very good thread in children's health if they do get it. Lots of advice on what is best to use, and I found it very supportive too. Hope they wait until after your holiday though

3duracellbunnies · 08/08/2012 21:07

If it helps at all with the calculations most of the children I know of have come out in spots exactly 14 days after the first one (e.g. Siblings catching from eachother). I know that it is no guarantee and the incubation period is up to 21 days.

Original poster

eatssleepsfeeds · 08/08/2012 21:10

Yes, will be having a good read up soon on how I can best deal with the pox. Thanks for suggestion. Really hope I'm wrong about all this and my little ones don't get it now. Feel like I've got enough on my plate without illnesses to boot. I know I can't avoid it forever, obviously. Particularly concerned about my 6 mth old. But maybe it wd be worse for my 2 year old.

OP posts:

AlwaysHoldingOnToStars · 08/08/2012 21:10

Yep, DS1 had it, then DS2 2 weeks later, then their cousin 2 weeks after that.

Then DS5 got it, DS4 had it after 2 weeks and then 2 weeks after that DS3 got it and DS5 got it again! I have some scabby looking boys right now, and I am very fed up with the pox!

Springforward · 08/08/2012 21:15

Personally, I would go as long as the DCs were well, but be prepared to come home if they become ill. At this stage it's still possible they may not get it.

If SIL objected to the visit I would respect that, though.

FWIW, I took DS to a second birthday party, not knowing he was incubating the pox. He broke out in spots the next day. I was utterly mortified and rang the host mum, and she alerted all the mums of potentially exposed children. To the best of my knowledge no-one reported the pox to my friend (I did ask). Maybe we were just lucky?

pinkappleby · 08/08/2012 21:16

DS has recently finished having pox, he is scabby and looks a bit gross as he had loads on his face, but is not contagious. We haven't been anywhere this week because I think people won't want to be near him, when it is his normal looking siblings who could possibly infect them (but probably a bit early). I was at the Drs on Monday for something else and talked it over and she was adament that I should carry on as normal. I will take them out and about but I have warned anyone who will have close contact with us, some have cancelled.

DS had his spots when we were on a large group holiday and it worked really well because there were lots of adults to distract him by giving him 1:1 attention and we could leave him with others while we did things with other DC. Everyone on the hol had previously had chicken pox though.

Real life attitudes seem very different to mumsnet: There has been an epidemic here and a number of people just took DC out as normal, especially if the pox could be covered up. I felt the dr thought that people should just get it as young as possible so spreading it amongst children was good. We took DS to the chemist in the car for cream and put some on him in the car park and loads of people came up to us to say poor thing, the older members in our holiday party were surprised I wasn't willing to take DS to soft play, their view being that people know that when the spots are out they aren't very contagious any more, only if touched (?) and that if people haven't had it, they should just catch it and get it over with. I'm not sure what I think anymore TBH. I think if my DDs get to say 15 and haven't had it I will have them immunised.

pinkappleby · 08/08/2012 21:17

I have also found the internet information not detailed enough or sensationalised for a US audience in order to persuade them to immunise. Which doesn't help.

Springforward · 08/08/2012 21:19

And BTW, I had chickenpox aged 6 and it was awful. DS had it aged 2, and it wasn't nearly so bad, I think, certainly he's not scarred as he seemed not to get all that itchy as long as he was constantly pink with calamine....

pinkappleby · 08/08/2012 21:23

The 2 week thing for siblings is interesting. My other 2 probably haven't got it then as it has been over 2 weeks since the first spot (but not 3 weeks yet).

Peppapigsarse · 08/08/2012 21:24

My two same ages have been exposed this ear 5 plus times to the pox yet to come out! Only thing I would do if I have been exposed is any plans where I was meeting someone who was pregnant or ill then I would cancel otherwise I'd carrying on as normal!
My neighbours son caught it, his own brother didn't get it for 6 weeks later so got it from somewhere else, despite sharing a bedroom with his brother! its a funny old disease!

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