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Original poster

To think the government don't want single parents to find love again?

59 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 08/08/2012 17:42

Perhaps a bit of a dramatic title, but i'm peed off on behalf of my friend.

He's been seing his new girlfriend now for almost three months. She is a single parent of 3 and claims unemployment benefits. Today my friend told me that he and his girlfriend need to slow their relationship down because she has been 'grassed on' and will lose her benefits if they continue the relationship as it is.

He has not met the children yet.

He stays there on a Fri and Sat night only when kids are at their father's house.

He will buy in a takeaway for him and his gf one of these nights (apparantly this isn't allowed?!)

The girlfriend had to attend a benefit interview today to assess whether or not she was fraudulently living as a couple. She told them the truth and was told to ask my friend to move in with her! Either that, or not have him stay over so often.

My friend phoned me and was absolutely terrified that he might potentially make his GF and her kids lose their money.

He's decided not to stay over there anymore until they are ready to move in together and be an official couple.

Wow.

Is this the norm? I'm a single parent too but haven't had a relationship since becoming single so don't know.

How on earth can this woman be expected to move in a man she's only known three months? She's not allowed to have him stay overnight without being investigated first. So basically he can pop over for a quick shag but can't hang around afterwards. And who said romance was dead?

Why should my friend and his GF be pressurised into making their relationship 'official'? Why should he be expected to move in and support this woman he's only known 3 months and her 3 children he hasn't even met?

It baffles me! And worries me. So when i feel ready to pursue another relationship, i'll have to let tax credits know when we start to have sex?

Why can't a single parent do the traditional courting/dating/getting to know you with someone with the government sticking their oar in?

OP posts:
janey68 · 08/08/2012 17:45
Biscuit
overmydeadbody · 08/08/2012 17:47

As far as I know you can have a friend stay over as long as you can prove they are not living there or helping to pay the bills. So if he has no clothes there and only stays once or twice a week it really shouldn't matter.

If they are investigating it they will probably find it all above board, as it is, and they should be able to continue their relationshi without her loosing money or him moving in with her.

AnxiousGuineaPig · 08/08/2012 17:47

Thing is, it's hard to draw the line.
They have to keep track of things like this so that they can cut down on benefit fraud.
I know its shit, but blame the people that do abuse the system, not the system

WithoutCaution · 08/08/2012 17:48

A lot of people cheat the system so they could be trying to discourage it. They don't know your friend or his GF

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 08/08/2012 17:48

The situation you describe is not co-habiting so wont affect her benefits at all, it doesn't even matter how many nights he spends at her home, what is more important is things like where does his post go, where are his clothes kept, which property is he registered at for council tax purposes and bank/credit accounts.

usualsuspect · 08/08/2012 17:50

If he doesn't contribute to her household bills shes not committing fraud.

usualsuspect · 08/08/2012 17:51

Someone grassed her up for having a BF? sad fuckers.

McHappyPants2012 · 08/08/2012 17:56

it may be because of housing benefit

AnnaFalactic · 08/08/2012 17:58

Her local authority may have rules re housing benefit which stipulate that she cannot have overnight guests more than 3 times per week, at least that is the rule with my council.

Even if that rule is in place, from what she says, she isn't breaking it so not doing anything wrong.

PenisVanLesbian · 08/08/2012 17:59

If they aren't living together as a couple they have nothing to worry about.

Surely she can do what most people do, go on dates, be a casual couple. If he moves in, of course she should lose her single parent benefits, as she won't be a single parent anymore. Until then, they are fine as they are.

TeapotsInJune · 08/08/2012 18:01

Very dramatic title! Grin

Erm ... well, anybody can report anybody for benefit fraud and this can be looked into.

MrsKeithRichards · 08/08/2012 18:03

It sounds like your friend has the wrong end of a misinformed stick!

WildWorld2004 · 08/08/2012 18:14

Shes claiming as a single person so if shes in a relationship then she isnt single. You can not have people staying overnight no matter where your post goes or whether or not they contribute to bills.

I am a single mother & was under the impression that i cant have a partner to stay over at all because if i have a partner i am not single.

eurochick · 08/08/2012 18:17

It sounds to me like there are a lot of people misunderstanding the rules.

eurochick · 08/08/2012 18:19

There is plenty of advice on this site:

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/benefits_e/benefits_help_if_on_a_low_income_ew/help_with_your_rent_-_housing_benefit.htm#adults_who_live_in_someone_else?s_home

They have to assess whether or not he is living there. This is often a grey area. If he is not, she should have nothing to worry about.

poppy283 · 08/08/2012 18:22

Perhaps beside the point but ...

... couldn't they stay at his?

LoveHandles88 · 08/08/2012 18:24

Could she not make things simpler by staying at your friends'???

LoveHandles88 · 08/08/2012 18:24

X post. Sorry.......

Moominsarescary · 08/08/2012 18:28

This happened to me years ago, they investigated but didn't have a problem

KatieisScarlettinSpandex · 08/08/2012 18:28

Crapola.

Socknickingpixie · 08/08/2012 18:31

usual normally i bow down to your sensableness but on this occasion you are compleatly wrong.it is irrelivant as to if he contributes towards the bills or not,however if he does it should be declaired.
its things like laundry, meals, plans, social stuff,cleaning, public perception.

if you look on tax credits and dwp claiment compliance website "but they dont help out with bills" is listed as a none acceptable indicator for a lack of fraud.basicly it matters not if they dont unless its from a income fraud perspective not a who lives there.

i would also question the poster who said a person is alowed to stay as long as its not more than 3 nights as sorry but thats a urban myth a hb recepiant can have someone to stay how ever long they want as long as they maintain a sepperate address and do none of the things that a shared household would do like redirect post ect and as long as the intention is to return to there own place.

the 3 day thing is not in any LA a rule and if it ever was (as it was in a few) it hasnt been since the early 70's.its something people band about because they heard it and perhaps a very stupid LA staff member has said as such but it is not true.

op, your friends gf has missunderstood the info given to her and she needs to phone cab or community legal advice asap

Meglet · 08/08/2012 18:33

TBH as I don't get to go out it's pretty irrelevant to me. But, yes, the rules are harsh.

The government don't care about single parents anyway.

FrothyOM · 08/08/2012 18:35

They are not co- habiting.

If he can prove he is on a tenancy agreement/has a mortgage and pays the bills at another property I don't know how they can prosecute her for fraud.

His girlfriend has some spiteful neighbours by the sound of it.

KatieisScarlettinSpandex · 08/08/2012 18:43

There has to be an economic relationship. Having a boyfriend is fine.

And it's nada to do with the current government (much as I hate Call Me). This has been standard practice for a long time. And yes, the 3 day rule is an urban myth.

usualsuspect · 08/08/2012 18:53

There has to be a proven financial link.