To put my foot down over all these kids?

[MrsPenrysJones]

Who live in the street and seem to think they can use my house as a doss house.
We don't have a wall or fence round our front garden and the kids round here seem to think it's okay to just dump all their bikes and scooters all over our gravel, which then gets trawled all over the street and I have to sweep up everyday.
They wander into our back garden where DCs are playing and just seem to see it as some kind of public park, playing with their stuff and breaking their toys.
DCs ask if they can have friends in their bedrooms, had about 10 kids upstairs the other day, after half an hour I had to throw them out but then I am the bad guy for not letting my DCs play with them.
They always come to my house, never get invited to other kids houses.
ATM DCs all angry with me as I have put my foot down and told them they cannot have ANY friends round as they have just broken DDs scooter and they don't respect our property or possessions.

How old are your dc?

yanbu, why didnt' you do it ages ago?

Sounds like your dc are encouraging it. Why aren't they bothered that there stuff is getting broken?

DCs are 11, 6 and 5.
They do get upset about their toys when they get broken, and I tell them not to play with xyor z again. Next day they are all pals again wanting to come in my house and play with them again.
Everytime I refuse these kids entry my DCs argue that they now have no one to play with, etc, etc, and it's MY fault.
Hate being seen as the bad guy but have to put my foot down somewhere surely?
If one DC asks for a drink of juice they all bloody want one! And if I refuse to feed the 5,000 I am being unfair apparantly.

Sorry, ranting again. Spent all day yesterday planting out some flowers in the front garden. Looked out the window that evening and there were about 6 kids sitting on my plants! I went ballastic but they all just looked nonplussed....as though I was the local crazy lady.

YANBU, put up a fence and work on the crazy lady impersonations .

Your dc need to be told. Properly. A family discussion or something or it will just carry on. Challenge them on 'you are being unfair' comments. It's not fair. Stuff is getting damaged, and it's all yours.

I feel your pain, we back onto a park and all the local kids seem to think our garden is an extension of the park. They also want constant snacks and drinks. I've had to put my foot down and lock the gate when my DCs have gone out there, only unlocking it to let my two back in, alone! Sounds mean but I can't have that all summer long.

Is putting a fence up an option? Kids 'round here are a little bit like that but it does work both ways, I do have 5 or 6 kids in the house a lot of the time (3 are mine) but equally the older 2, or one of the older 2, is often at one of a few other houses, all equally casual.

I only allow "drop in" guests water or the fruit that is out (mostly apples and bananas) and my kids also whinge that I don't provide packs of biscuits or sandwiches, or the "nice" fruit like watermelon, strawberries and grapes which they have to ask before taking, but it's tough as it would all go in 30 seconds if I did, and I also won't wait on "drop in" visitors - if the kids have friends around on the spur of the moment, the kids have to be the ones to get them a beaker of water or whatever. It is also "not fair" that when they ask at the last moment, while I'm serving, if child X can stay to tea I say no...

Even though I am mean (and tell the other kids off if I need to too, I would be talking to the parents if they broke something expensive, that doesn't seem to happen) the kids still seem to love coming here, and I do like that the kids have lots of friends - it always sounds a bit suffocating to just have your nuclear family in the house and sad for kids who don't have friends locally to play with, without it being some big hassle and having to be arranged long in advance.

Are the kids who are breaking your kids toys "real friends"? I know one "friend" of DD's says things like "I'll only play with you if you invite me to dinner/ get your mum to give us biscuits" etc. and DD thinks she's cool as she's a bit older - so that "friend" only gets water here and short shrift if she is anything other than lovely, and she can wander off home if she wants anything else! I have also sometimes introduced 1 friend per DC in the house limits from time to time, and also when the weather's nice randomly insist they all stay outdoors, which works fine - I guess you'd have to also keep the toys away though

A fence sounds an essential addition for you though, unless there are rules preventing that?

Why are you letting any of these children upstairs in the first place? You aren't running a holiday playscheme but you are clearly being treated as one.

If I were you, I'd make some rules and stick to them. You are the adult here so disregard any wailings about how unkind you are. If these children are old enough to be riding bikes to your house then they are old enough to go to the park. However, if this is impractical, keep them out of the house as much as possible. Consider putting a tent up in the garden if the weather remains crap but also limit the numbers. 10 is too many and will always result in things getting broken.

I didn't mind providing some refreshments but this was limited to a jug of juice and a packet of cheap biscuits. If anyone thought this was unreasonable then they could alway pop home and eat their parents out of house and home.

It's not unreasonable to expect some friends to visit but there has to be a sensible happy medium between all and none.

sounds like my street ,mine is the only garden not block paved ,we have a garden full of toys and its seems it was acceptable for our garden to be used as the local park,even when we werent in. We had huge conifers but they climbed through them so I chopped them down and put fencing up,now they climb over the gates so they are getting highered ,electric barbed wire is the next option ;0)

oh and if the front door is open they think nothing of just walking in they have no respect at all ,I cant wait to move!!

"seem to think it's okay to just dump all their bikes and scooters all over our gravel, which then gets trawled all over the street and I have to sweep up everyday."

Insist your children sweep this up every day to your satisfaction.

If their friends make a mess in or out of the hous then, again, insist that your DCs clear it up, wash up after any snacks, etc.

Might not be long before they start to see the advantage of going to their friend's houses to play instead.

I would have barbed wire and guard dogs to prevent unauthorised access, rather than tolerate disrespectful children who look nonplussed when I am cross they squash my plants and break stuff.

If my kids didn't like it I would care very little on balance.

YANBU.

If your house was no longer the centre some other place would become it and the kids would still play together. Don't take it lying down OP. :)

YANBU, unless you actually squash some of them.

OhGood

I had this problem last year until I went ape when one of them broke the safety net on the trampoline I just spent £100 on.

Only the 4 and 5 year old next door dares come into the house now and they has the best manners out of all of them so I dont mind. The rest wait outside. If thye leave any wrappers or popped balloons in the garden I ask them to clear it up or cut the grass.

The kids think I'm mean but I'm a damn sight happier and more relaxed in my own home now.

Good to know IANBU.
BTW there is a park across the road, yet they still seem to think I am the local cafe.
Wish I could put a fence up but it would cost a fortune (had it priced up already) so a no go.Sigh.
Have mamged to get a sort of lock on the garden gate so that solves one problem.....I hope. (Have visions of children scaling the gate).

Kids climb our gate but I have said they can - I have to lock it to stop my toddler, who can open the gate if not locked, getting out onto the road, but I didn't want to stop my older kids coming and going nor their friends calling for them, so I have told various kids they are allowed to climb it (Its only just over a meter high). However I was a bit when an adult neighbour climbed over and then knocked on the open door to complain that my locking my own gate was preventing her PFB playing with my DS1 and 2 friends he had over in our front garden, seeing as her son hadn't been invited even in passing, by either of my kids nor by me!