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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want you to come up with a well worded text to my children's "father"?

27 replies

NikitasSidekick · 08/08/2012 08:07

My children's dad has them every other saturday night. No phonecalls, no trips, nothing inbetween despite the fact that he only lives 20 minutes away.

During the summer holidays he has not asked to have the kids anymore than this, despite the fact that his usual excuse for NOT having them Sunday nights for example is that he is apparantly incapable of getting them to school Hmm they're 11 and 13 so this is bullshit.

Lately he's decided to ignore all my texts. I say "all my texts" but the only texts I've sent him are to do with the kids. School report, picking them up at a certain time and one about Christmas. All completely ignored.

Yesterday I sent him a text saying "any chance you can have the boys a bit more during the holidays? Some Sunday nights for example as they're not at school" - as predicted - no reply.

What would you do because I'm starting to get very narked about this whole thing. Do I send a stronger worded text/facebook message (if so, can you help me word it!) or be the bigger person and leave it?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 08:11

Do the kids actually want to see him? At 11 and 13 they are old enough to sort this out themselves I would have thought, and go to his house under their own steam.

honeytea · 08/08/2012 08:18

could you call him?

Pumpster · 08/08/2012 08:19

Yes agree with the last 2 posts.

Shutupanddrive · 08/08/2012 08:20

Call him or ask him to his face

OddBoots · 08/08/2012 08:21

You could spend as much time as you like wording a text, he's going to ignore it if it doesn't suit him.

ThreeWheelsGood · 08/08/2012 08:23

Ask your kids what they want to do. Get them to bring it up with him.

ClaireRacing · 08/08/2012 08:24

Why don't you speak to him instead of texting?

confusedgypsychick · 08/08/2012 08:25

I'd call him. Or confront him face to face.

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 08/08/2012 08:25

He won't answer the phone. He's an ignorant twat.

OP posts:
TandB · 08/08/2012 08:25

You could be the bigger person and actually call him, rather than sending narky texts or facebook messages. It's annoying but you don't want it do descend into a facebook slanging match.

TandB · 08/08/2012 08:25

EMail then.

ClaireRacing · 08/08/2012 08:27

Call him from a number he doesn't recognise.

Stop being lame.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 08:27

Why contact him at all. Just tell the kids to go round and see him.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 08/08/2012 08:32

I have this with my ex, because I say things he doesn't want to hear, he refuses to hear them!

It is impossible to deal with, they just put the phone down if you call from a different number. Nothing lame about the OP not being able to do anything about that.

Can't give you any advice, but you have empathy form me!

confusedgypsychick · 08/08/2012 08:34

Could you just not drop the kids off one day, then he'd have to call you to find out where they are. Then you can tell him that you didn't bother sending text because you figured his phone was broken.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 08/08/2012 08:35

The only thing I can think of is that you text saying 'When you have DCs this weekend, I shall assume, since you do not have the issue of getting them to school at this time that you are keeping them with you until (whatever time) on Monday. That is unless I hear different from you.'

WigGold · 08/08/2012 08:35

I agree with others, you need to leave it up to the children at their age, if they bothered about seeing him any extra time over the holidays then they can ask him, - if they're not bothered then leave it be.

ihatethecold · 08/08/2012 08:42

She can't just drop them of or send the kids over. It's 20 miles away.
What a twat he is. You have my sympathy.
I would see if the kids want to go over more. If they do then send them with more stuff at the weekend.
Also ask your ex. How are you supposed to contact him in a emergency if his phone is obviously broken?

Original poster
NikitasSidekick · 08/08/2012 08:43

My son won't text him as he's sick of being ignored.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 08:44

She said 20 minutes away, not miles!

honeytea · 08/08/2012 08:47

Mamma TJ's idea was a great one! Maybe send the kids with a note incase the phone really is broken.

Also put in that you will be away and not able to pick them up till monday.

idiot man he should enjoy spending time with his sons!

TinksMama · 08/08/2012 08:50

I would just leave it.

The only way to guarantee a response is to go legal, but that is beyond stressful (not to mention expensive).

Your DC's are old enough to decide iof they want to see him, I would give them the option of seeing him. If they don't want to see him anymore, call him to explain and when he doesn't answer just leave a message asking that he ca;lls you to discuss the kids. He'll soon call when they don't arrive at the weekend. If he doesn't call it's his loss. . .

Wearsuncream · 08/08/2012 10:33

I disagree with people saying drop children off with a note etc - that's using them in a really mean way. Surely you see him at a handover ? Can you mention it then once the children are out of earshot (as obviously if he says no then its not going to make them feel wanted)
What about you ex parents ? Are you still in touch with them? Maybe they could be an avenue to help ?

Krumbum · 08/08/2012 11:24

The kids can just go over there. And not leave. Don't be in for if he tries to drop them back.

TroublesomeEx · 08/08/2012 11:29

Do your children actually want to see him more? You've already said that your son won't text him as he's fed up of being ignored.

Are you feeling resentful that he's not doing his fair share?

He's the one missing out on spending time with his wonderful children. It doesn't sound like your children are missing out on very much Sad