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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after a teenage boy I've never met before until sunday night.

22 replies

mrsnec · 08/08/2012 06:23

I live abroad close to a very well known holiday resort. Yesterday I got a call from my DM asking me to 'rescue' said teenager. He's my DSB's DSS. I've never met him or his mother and haven't spoken to my DSB in 4 years up until last night. He was here on his first ever lads holiday and fell out with his pals after giving one of them all his money. I don't have children but have agreed to help as he seems like a lovely kid. But AIBU to think his parents not handling the situation correctly? His DM told me last night she only let him go as she knew she always had us as back up. She had't even asked! And when I told her last night I was fine with it all but worry he'll be bored she's assuming we can just fit him in with everything we do. I am not complaing about this at all and I am happy to help out maybe it's good parenting practise for us. What I want to know is what other parents would do if their DCs were in the same situation.

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Babylon1 · 08/08/2012 06:25

How old is he? Assuming he's under 18 I can't imagine letting one of my DCs abroad without adequate responsible ADULT supervision - so I don't think YABU on that basis.

JumpingThroughHoops · 08/08/2012 06:45

I'm confused.

This teenager is your step brothers, step sons friend?

Could be that the step son, via your step brother, told the parents that you were close at hand and would be over viewing the situation.

That scenario wouldnt surprise me in the slightest - and no one bothered to tell you what was going on.

Is this one of those post 16 end of GCSE holidays which have become common?

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 09:47

He is only just 18 and is my step broyher's step son. It is his friend's that have let him down. He gave them all his money and then they spent it all leaving him nothing for food etc. So his mum who I've not met thought he'd be better off with us. He says it's too much hassle to get the money back and his parents don't seem worried either but it was quite a lot. Maybe they just want him safe and being with us takes the worry away from his mum.Perhaps we don't need to know the ins and outs but wonder at that age if you'd still contact the parents of the others? I suppose he is family so should get to know him and make sure he enjoy's the rest of his holiday. Thanks for the reassurance.

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verytellytubby · 08/08/2012 09:49

Sounds bonkers!

Babylon1 · 08/08/2012 10:28

Sorry he's 18, he's an adult. Why on earth did he think it was a good idea to give someone else all his money Confused

Is he incapable of looking after himself?

Sounds very odd to me Confused

JumpingThroughHoops · 08/08/2012 10:31

Seems, if your DM phoned you, then your SB has decided that his SS can stay with you.

Awfully convoluted but I suppose you are sort of family. Vaguely. Sounds like the bizarre situations I seem to find myself in!

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 10:41

His friend has his card cloned. Suppose he thought he was doing the right thing but he doesn't seem bothered in the slightest by it which left me a bit baffled and when I told my DSB that he just said that the situation was obviously bad as he wouldn't have been so desperate to leave otherwise. I'm worried as where we live is such a huge contrast to where he was staying boredom could be a problem. We have Sky and video games and internet access and a fuly stocked fridge. Just hope that's all he needs.

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Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 10:44

You are right Jumping. I suppose we are! And the fact is no matter how old I am I will never be able to say no to my mother!

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IloveJudgeJudy · 08/08/2012 11:54

I think that's very kind of you and I hope that DSB (and his DSS) is sufficiently grateful to you for all that you are doing for them.

I kind of understand where your DM is coming from. She (and DSB) never thought it would come to this situation, but thought, in a kind of vague way, that it the worst came to the worst, mrsnec would be there. It has come down to the wire and what they never thought would happen, has happened. I would do the same as you in your situation (DH would not be as welcoming as me, though, I'd have to talk to him).

Uppermid · 08/08/2012 11:57

Just make sure he doesn't run up your costs too much!

eurochick · 08/08/2012 11:59

V odd. At 18 he really should be able to manage a lads' holiday without parental intervention. Don't worry about him being bored. Presumably you will feed him and help him get to the airport for his flight home. I don't think he/his parents could expect any more. A lot of people are off to university at that age, managing rent and bills hundreds of miles away from their parents.

JennerOSity · 08/08/2012 12:00

Most bizarre situation. He is family so it is nice you are helping. I hope you get plenty of gratitude from someone for stepping in without any prior warning though.

jumpingjackhash · 08/08/2012 12:03

It's very nice of you to step in and be more concerned about his amusement than the inconvenience imo!

I take it he'll be flying/travelling back home with this friends as planned? I hope your DSB and the boy's DM reimburse you for your added expenses though

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 08/08/2012 12:08

The amount of people on here who offered to help out someones DD when they posted she was camping in the rain at Silverstone amazed me. I know had I been near I would have done. I would if I was someone near me who needed it too.

This lad is sort of connected to you, albeit very loosely, so it is right that you take him in. I know I would under the same circumstance. Yes, he should not need the help, but her clearly does. He has managed to learn a couple of valuable lessons while being somewhat cushioned by you.

I wouldn't worry about whether he is bored or not. I am sure boredom is the least of his worries too.

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 13:15

As it was my DM that offered help with the finances and not his I declined but that was when we thought it was 2 days not 5! When I spoke to his mum for the first time ever last night yes she was greatful but said she assumes he'll just tag along with everything we do for the duration! My DH doesn't need his help at work but doesn't want him to be in the house on his own either. Keep suggesting things but he seems a bit mopey! Costs wont be too bad anyway. He's hardly eating and we only live 30 mins away from the airport. Yes he's flying home on same flight as the peeps he gave the money to but feel inclined to just drop him at the airport and thats us done. Trying not to get too involved.

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PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/08/2012 14:36

We once had an Australian teenage boy to stay for a week Grin I know his mum as an "internet friend" we'd chatted online and played quizzes together of all things for a couple of years or so. Anyway, he was over here for a year doing something educational and got stuck for a half term week when he had to leave the student acocmmodation and hadn't realised. He was a total sweetie, but it was a bit of a strain worrying about entertaining him and just having a stranger here all the time iykwim. In the end it worked out fine though - that said, he wasn't anything like a "typical" teenager that we were used to. He even went to church on the Sunday! Grin
We basically bribed pfb to take him about with him and his friends on a couple of the days, and we took him sightseeing a couple of times. He was very into history and we have lots of that so it worked out fine. (Apart from the moment in the pub when he asked for peppermint tea and the whole place went utterly silent Confused Grin )

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 14:44

That made me giggle about the pub! This one is a bit different. Doesn't want to drink or go shopping or go to the beach or go sightseeing or even just walk into the village and I don't know anyone here anywhere near his age! I even showed him the local bus timetable online so he could get out and about but he's having none of it! I'd be really stuck if the Olympics wasn't on!

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JennerOSity · 08/08/2012 14:46

Mrsnec He sounds dull as ditch water. :(

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/08/2012 15:00

Just leave him to veg then. If he has a pretty full on social life at home, and does all sorts of stuff (at school? college?) he might be thrilled to have a few days to just loll about the place and sleep - sounds pretty teenagery to me Grin
Just tell him you are going to treat him as one of the family, point out where the fridge and kettle and remotes are and leave him to it Grin He will sing your praises forever Grin

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 15:14

Lives with his mum. Has no hobbies. Doesn't play any sport. Works in an office but could have had a very full on holiday so far. As long as full access of fridges and remotes are all that's required we'll be fine! Thanks everyone!

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CaliforniaLeaving · 08/08/2012 16:28

I think it depends on the country, 18 here is still considered very young and in need of parental intervention as needed. Many parents wouldn't give permission for holidays without them or other adult (meaning someone over say 25!) along.
My 18 year old camped with friends, went 4 hours to the beach and shop with friends this summer, then flew to UK alone. Many of his friends are in awe, they had to ask permission for trips to the beach, one day was cancelled due to parents saying no. Some couldn't go to camp at the lake which is 5 minutes from our house.
It's really odd to me who went away to college at 16 in UK and moved here at 21 and found myself being treated like I was still a dependent child by my now inlaws.

Original poster
mrsnec · 08/08/2012 16:54

That is why I needed the help! I had a mortgage before I had my first holiday abroad without parents! Hence me being clueless as to how independant or not the 18 year old of today is, when I was 18 I had to beg my parents to let me go to a 2 day festival that was 20 minutes away! Lets just say the resort in question is about a 4.5 hr flight from the UK. Very popular with the 18-30 age group and often in the news for the wrong reasons.

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