Am I asking too much of my BD?

[OOmama]

I want my childs father to be fully involved in his life. First my son is 7 months. The first 4 months he helped out alot, watching the baby while I worked, so I asked for nothing in return. Then he started watching the baby about 25-30 hours a month. I started asking for diapers and formula, which he supplied. I recently took him to court for child support. Now he only wants his 3 hours 3 times a week. I want him to be a willing participant in my childs life. How do I get there without making him feel bad for not being there? Am I asking too much? I feel that nothing is ever enough for a child, never enough: love, time spent, affection, support ect... not material things. He feels he is doing enough and is making me feel aweful for expecting more... am I crazy??? HELP

Why did you take home to court for child support, could you not sort it out between yourselves?
Yes he should want to see his child more, is he reacting, badly to the fact you took him to court?
I didn't know people went to court for this, I though the csa did all this.

Surely 3 hours 3 times per week is more than 25-30 hours per month?

I'm confused.

It sounds to me as if she isn't in this country. Diapers is not an English word.

Oh, I get it- he started out doing more, then reduced the hours.

It sounds like he is maybe not wanting to help you out as payback for taking him to court?

YANBU to want him to spend more time, but if he has set contact hours then I don't see that there is much you can do to change it. I have to wonder however if part of this is because you want free childcare when you are working.

Does he work?

I am in the US... Sorry!
Dante- I tried asking repeatedly for help and recieved 5 cases of diapers and 6 cans of formula ( in 4 months.) That covers his little butt for 2 months and bottles for 1 1/2 weeks. While I was very grateful for these items, Im a sinking ship.. Childcare is crazy and I needed help, after asking repeatedly to help pay for childcare I had no option but to take him to court.
Jeezy - He set up the 3 hours 3 times a week and often cancels at least once if not more. And I would rather have him spending time with his child than to have the $$ to pay for child care. I just want him to be a part of his sons life and not look back one day to regret the time he lost, All i want is what is best for my son. He does work and my first job is during the same time as his, but my second job and going to school is all at night and during the weekend. I would much rather have him spending the time playing with his son than a sitter.

Sorry but you can't force anyone to spend time with their child.

And actually, it's not going to be the best thing for your baby is it? I mean to have someone looking after him who doesn't actually want to be doing it?

There's an old English saying about being able to take horses to water but not being able to make them drink. Reluctant fatherhood seems to fall into that category and I'm afraid that no matter how much you'd like that extra commitment, if your baby's father won't give it then there's little you can (or should) do to force it.

Things might change as your ds gets older provided that the contact he does have remains constant. But I agree with Worra, it isn't going to be the best option to have a reluctant father looking after him. Especially if the alternative is a willing sitter.

Thank you all! All I want is the best for my child and though a father figure is the best, guess it seems I need to take a look at just being the best for him and his father can just reep what he has sewn.

Maybe I've got this wrong, but you have two jobs and study all evening and at weekends?

You must need an awful lot of childcare!

I think this is more common in the State, YouOldSlag. Don't mums there generally have to go back to work (often a couple of minimum wage jobs to make ends meet) much sooner to pay their way?

I had to go back to work when the baby was 5 weeks old. It is normally 6. I did not qualify for the government assistance programs so it cost me $8000 to have the baby. I work a full time factory job ( roughly $10-$14 an hour im on the lower end), a part time bartending job ($2.13 an hour plus tips), and am trying to get an associates degree. None of these jobs have insurance so I have to pay cash for all doctor visits. Childcare cost me around $300 a week, depending on how much I work at night and on the weekends. I usually end up studying after the kids go to bed around 9 and get done around 12-1 in the morning

I hope you are signed up for WIC and at least getting the baby milk covered.
Have you checked out if there is a headstart all day preschool nursery in your area, ours runs like normal daycare, 6am to 6pm from age 6 weeks to school age and is free for low income moms who are working. If that isn't availible ask your local childcare resourse and referall agency (they have different names everywhere) sometimes they will have the funds to help pay your childcare, even if you are using a home daycare.
Like the others have said you can't make him want to spend time with the baby. I'd just arrainge your life for you and the kids and if he participates then so be it.
Another thought have you tried to apply for medicaid for you and the kids, so you don't have to pay cash for doctor visits? I know they are so expensive.

OP- that is awful! You're working so hard! I really can appreciate how lucky we are over here in the UK now. Our system is flawed, but mothers like you would have a lot more help than you're getting and free healthcare too!

What a tough time you must be having. I hope things get easier soon.

Wow, just keep doing the best you can. If your baby's dad doesn't get as involved as he should, he is losing out. You are obviously working hard to do the best you can, all credit to you for that.

I make less than $100 to much a month for the Medicaid.. I will always do what is necessary to feed my baby his father is loosing out.

Sorry to hear that Oomama, you are doing a great job good for you.