Not to make dc wait at the table until everyone has finished?

[Molehillmountain]

Our dc finish their main course, say thank you and ask to leave the table. If there's pudding they may play until its ready. Our friends get their children to wait until everyone's finished. I think that's fair enough when everyone is eating sensibly and at a reasonable pace. But if it's a meal where adults are taking a long time and chatting, or (as has prompted this post) its a children's meal where my children have eaten sensibly and the other two are messing about and being cajoled into eating it doesn't seem fair. When mine get down, they go to a different room and don't disturb the others still eating. I know that when they're bigger the expectation will be to stay til everyone's done, but I think waiting up to twenty minutes with very little to occupy them except watching their friends (not) eating seems to teach very little.

It's up to you with your DC, it's up to her with her DC.

That's how I feel really-it doesn't bother me when she makes hers wait just when she tells mine to-especially in my home!

I think that it depends on the circumstances as you say. It is U to expect very little children to sit nicely for ages. I would expect them to wait for everyone to finish once they are older, and certainly if we were eating out at a restaurant.

It teaches them patience..

It's up to you.

Well just say to your DC that you say it's fine to get down. Not really her business is it?

in your own home it is utterly your choice. It may be difficult out and about if your kids get to play whilst others are forced to eat their greens but up to you entirely

When we have groups of friends round, I tend to go by the host families rules- I do ask mine to wait till everyone has finished before leaving the table and expect others to in my house, but if we are at somebody elses house, I make mine wait, but it wouldnt bother me what the others do

It really depends how old they are. Little ones, yes it's probably unrealistic to expect them to sit there for 20 mins. Older ones, it is good manners and it won't kill them - introduce it when it feels appropriate.

I'd have a quiet word with the other mum though, your house, your rules.

I would say that meal times are a family time to talk about what happened in the day.

So if the children have finished eating, it's not unreasonable for them to learn wider manners early, sit still and perhaps engage in conversation whilst the adults are still eating.

It really doesnt take much to ask what did you do at school today? Who did you play with What did you play? Is Lucy back after holiday/cold? and you just keep expanding that conversation

And when they get older (Y5/6/7) you can lead on to other things such as news discussions, wider community.

Believe me, come the teen years, you will be surprised how much you miss those conversations when regular nightly family meals go kaput because you are always here, there, taking to activities and scrabbling for that bit of together time.

But if it's a meal where adults are taking a long time and chatting puts a different slant on it - hour long meals, no, 30 min meals, not unreasonable.

For me it depends on age. My dd's 14mo and I get her down from her high chair to play while dp and I eat. When she's older I think I'd expect her to wait, as that's what's commonly considered good manners as an adult.

As others say, it's up to you.

Social meals with lots of chatting, DD can get down and do her own thing. Family meals - not an issue, she's last to finish. We often leave the table while she's still eating ... it's either that or chew my own arm off with frustration.

Im usually finished before my dd, when im finished i get up to pour us drinks & get us some dessert. Is that bad manners? I dont think so.

I love Aibu. It's making me work out exactly what I don't like. I think it's more that in this case, there's nothing too great about staying at the table and witnessing the battle of the broccoli. When it's conversation and fun that's making the meal last longer that seems different. We manage a two course restaurant meal with my parents on a regular basis and last time I was amazed to see we'd been there for nearly two hours. They do a bit of colouring while we're waiting to order but mostly it's chatting and when the food comes we just eat and chat. I do get my dc to wait until everyone's served before starting and to join in conversation without interrupting. I avoid meals at this friends house tbh.

YANBU - so long as they ask to leave the table and are not disruptive. Can't see the problem with that myself. As they get older I would expect them to stay longer if the meal was a social occasion so as not to be rude to guests.

We do the same as you really. We let them go once they've asked if most of the people at the table have finished (there's six of us) and it's not fair to make them wait while 2 toddlers sculpt their dinner into creative artwork before (FINALLY) eating it.

If we realise the little ones are nearly done, we sometimes make them wait, sometimes not if it's going to take forever.

We do talk to them during mealtimes, but we eat together every breakfast and every night as a whole family, so don't think I'm doing anything bad.

Your house, your rules.

How old are they?

I would encourage sitting and waiting for a while until most people have finished, I think as they get older then they should learn to wait patiently for others to finish.

My MIL used to think that the kids should wait until we'd all finished , ignoring that her son, my BIL would wander off to watch Sky Sports between courses and had to be called back as each course was served ( he was in his 20/30s )

I was much more relaxed, especially as the veggies may now want to be around certain meats, ok I admit if there was chicken or pork I'd be away with the kids

from your second post though it shows that the do get the chances to interact and learn the 'rules' of eating as a social thing so in that case YANBU

I think they should stay at the table if there are other children eating as it would be a bit rude to leave while other children are eating. I also never let the children start pudding until everyone is ready. My DCs are 6 & 4 and I have always made them do this.

I would not insist the children stay there if there are adults eating and chatting unless we are in a restaurant where obviously they would have to stay.

I always make an exception if any of the other children are messing around and not eating properly. In that instance I would let them get down or start their pudding before the others.

I really think it is important to instill this in children as they need to know how to use their manners later in life. In my house this would be the expectation and I ask other peoples DC to stick to our rules but if my DCs are at someone elses house who doesn't do it this way it wouldn't particularly worry me.

Ooh - just saw your 2nd post, I would never tell someone elses children to wait at their own home but I would still say it to mine unless the other parent said it was fine to get down for one of the reasons I mentioned above.