AIBU to be cross?

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

That dd's step-mum took her to buy bra's last week without mentioning it to me and telling dd to keep it a secret?

AIBU to think that this is out of order?

I need to add that dd is 9. NINE!!! She is happy with a crop top and does not yet need a bra, although she's a little on the plump side atm there is no need for a bra. She has years ahead of her to wear one, but not yet. AND how dare she take that occasion away from me?!

There's lots more back story re how SM is treating dd with regard to her weight and appearance, and now her kids have jumped on the bandwagon and dd can't eat a thing without them having a go. It's all unreasonable but xh can't get his head around why this particular issue might bother me. I need to rant.

No, that would piss me off as well. It's one of the things that a mum and daughter do together to mark the fact that her daughter is growing into a woman. 9 is also far too young, I'd send it back and tell her that it's your job when your daughter is ready.

YANBU such an intimate thing should be taken care of by you

Children shouldn't be taught to keep secrets from their parent like that either. This would annoy me more. You should phone this woman and tell her to keep her beak out. You need to speak to your xh about how his wife is treating dd with regards to her weight. That's also not her place and could cause problems for your dd in the future.

YANBU

wow! yanbu at all

and telling her to keep it a secret??? wtf is with that?

hiddenhome I'm doing it by email. It gives me a chance to think before I speak as right now I'd go nuts. It also gives me evidence for when dd refuses to go and then he threatens me with court to make her go. My poor baby. Today she's been clingy and cuddly and needy. Telling me she loves me every 5 mins, seeking reassurance. That bloody woman! She's eroding dd's self-confidence and self-esteem. DD said earlier "I love you Mummy, you love me for me, you don't care what I look like, whether my hair's brushed or if I have scruffy play clothes on, you just love me". I had to squish her hard so she didn't see my little tear.

Christ this is awful. I'd seriously consider not allowing her to see this woman at all if she comes away feeling so low. Perhaps meet her Dad somewhere else or something. How can he be OK when his daughter feels like this? Bless her.

YANBU. I haven't much experience at 'step parenting' yet but I could never ever imagine interfering in My bfs kids lives like that ever!

That is a special event! For you and your daughter...and she's 9! And doesn't need body issues yet!

After your first list I thought you were being a little bit of both - unreasonable in that you should be pleased your dd has a nice step mum but also I understand you being upset at missing out on the event. After the second post, speechless. Just give your dd, and yourself, a high cuddle from me and don't doubt yourself, - stepmom is a cow.