to think my mum is being to involved with my 6week old.

[angel05]

hey. my mum helped me alot when my oh went back to work as i had a complicates birth and still trying to recover now. my mum would have dd while i have a nap in the day and stuff like that. but now she tries to take her off me when im winding her. picks her uo out of her bouncy chair when she starts crying and in rocking her. walks in the room and tells me "shes crying because shes hungry" "shes crying cause shes tired" "give her another oz" "change her milk" and its always WE need to do this WE need to do that. my oh is getting so upset because she tries to over ride his decisions and mine also. he was nearly in tears last night and he is not an emotiinal person at all. we live with my mum at the moment while we save for a mortgage and have no where else to go. his family are a complete no no. i know i should grow a pair and just explain how we feel AGAIN but she really does not see she is doing anything wrong. she even walked into my room the other morning when she heard her wake up and tried to take her out my room. im so confused why she is doing it. AIBU?? :'(

he is dfoing what she is doing because there arent clear boundaries IMO. Its not your fault, its just that if you live with some one, ask them to help you day and night when you need them, get them involved in every area of your life, its then difficult for them to apprecaite boundaries when you decide you no longer need their full involvement any more.
Try not to be too hard on her, she is only trying to help you because sh eloves you and her granddaughter. is this her first DGD? If so then its natural for her to want to be involved esp as she is living with her.
IMO you need to sit down and have a long long think with DH about what actually mattters and what doesnt. So for example, if she comes into the room and takes her out in the morning, maybe she is just trying to give you a longer sleep? A lot of parents with a new born would be delighted! Try not to view everything as a negative. Clearly think what is OK for you and DH and was isnt. Then sit downa nd try to explain calmly that you need to make your own mistakes and you value her but need autonomy on these areas. Dont just bollock her for doing stuff and then in a months time be wanting her to take the baby downstairs on a Saturday to give you a lie in.... as this will be mixed messages. It is difficult and I dont know your mum but I am guessing that she is trying to help?

sorry for bad spelling!

No you're not.

But you're going to have to sit down and have a conversation with her. Tell her that whilst she has been amazing when you weren't up to much after the birth and you really appreciate all the help, you and your DH now need to learn to be parents as one day you'll not have her constant back-up. So day-to-day care needs to be left to you and she needs to back off and be 'granny'.
Is there a time (half an hour maybe) when she can have granny time and then leave the rest to you?

Failing that, you may have to move out and rent...

Is there anyone who could talk to your mum - for example, your health visitor? If you could tell the health visitor what is happening, she might be able to tell your mum that she needs to let you deal with your baby yourself.

You really need to stop this from escalating - I know some people will say your mum is just trying to help, but it sounds as though she is taking over.

Is your mum on her own, and is she at home all day? How long do you plan to stay there?

Oh dear - I'm sure she is really just trying to help but probably ends up being overbearing

Have you tried to chat over a cup of tea? Do you have the kind of relationship where you can tell her politely to back off a bit?

You are still recovering from a complicated birth and she is just probably wanting to ensure you make a full recovery.

If she offers "helpful" suggestions you can try just smiling and nodding but carrying on doing what you are doing?

She can only take control if you let her - don't be rude or unpleasant but be firm.

NannyOgg - great post.

I'm wondering if you have friends nearby, OP? Are you well enough to go to visit them with the baby, or have a few hours out somewhere (without your mum)? Maybe a baby group of some sort?

I think the sooner you start to make your own life with the baby - you and your OH - the easier it will be. Even just planning to spend time together as a family at weekends, for example - go out somewhere, just the three of you, and let your mum get on with her life. It's lovely that she's been so supportive, but it isn't appropriate for her to act as though she is your baby's mother.

thank you everyone. i havent said too much toi her about it because when i did before she started crying and ive never seen her cry before and im 24! her two other grand children live out of london so i understand she wants to be more involved with my dd. i think i am just very sensitive at the moment and she feela i cant look after her or something. but i think i will have to sit down with her and juat explain how i feel and say if i need a 10 min break as baby cries ALOT due to reflux then i will ask or she can have cuddles with her whenever but dont take her from me or tell me what i should and shouldnt do as it makes me feel useless. i really wish i could rent, but maternity pay is serious crap lol and london is so expensive x x x