<lifts bolt handle><lock down><aims>.....

[nickelbarapasaurus]

I am thinking of starting my own vigilante corps.

1: to the old couple who crossed the road yards from the pedestrian crossing (while their light was red) and caused a motorbike to screech to a halt, nearly getting themselves knocked over in the process because they didn't heed the rules of the road and didn't even care when I told them off for it
2: to the countless knobheads who stop over the pedestrian crossing because the traffic has backed up at the crossroad lights.
3: to the van drivers who park their vans half on the pavement by my shop, causing a hazard to all people with buggies/prams/wheelchairs.
4: to the Carer who parks on a single yellow line immediately as the restriction comes into force, and not only that, opposite a junction (which road doesn't have parking restrictions and would mean a 10 yard further walk to the house she's at) - when I pointed it out she used the excuse "I'm caring for an elderly lady" (I'm sorry, I didn't read that bit in the Highway Code that said you could break two Highway Codes rules in one hit if you were caring for an elderly lady )
4: to the lady who parked in the Disabled Bay because it was after 6, and after having it pointed out to her (in case she hadn't noticed the road markings), she said in front of her 10-year old child that she didn't care.

Feel free to add your own.
(IANBU)

I hope you will all come and support us and paint posters and scream 'Free the Mumsnet Two' when we are dragged down the local nick!

Car drivers who don't give cyclist enough room when passing them

Cyclists cycling 2 or 3 abreast on small country roads

Drivers who sit up your arse hoping you will go faster

People who walk on the road!!!!!(when there is pavements available I mean)

Idiots who keep there dogs off the lead then casually call 'it's ok he's friendly' yes but my dog wants to jump all over him and play hence why she is on the fucking lead.

I could go on all day

The twat who sat behind me at a roundabout gesturing at me because he felt he could decide when I should be pulling out despite the fact other traffic had right of way - bet he didn't expect the amount of abuse and hand gestures he got back from the lady in the mommy mobile ;-)

Car drivers who don't realise that you can't give an arm signal AND brake on a bike - one hand does both (and you need both hands for stability and steering too, so sometimes not giving a hand signal is the safest thing to do).

Just thought I'd mention it.

People who think the best way to deal with a horse on a narrow lane is to blast past leaning on the horn ... Pass me my fragmentation rounds, if you would be so kind ...

People who smell unpleasant when you are on a bus.
Especially the ones whose clothes smell of years of fried food... yuckkkkk...

Scrap van drivers who don't fully secure their load. Dodging a washing machine and other crap that falls off is not fun!

People who let their offlead dogs run up to my onlead dog and then allow it to jump all over my poor boy (while I have DS). It most certainly is not 'just being friendly' it is displaying rude and unsocial dog behaviour. Stupid ignorant dog owner.

Nextdoors cat leaving half dead rabbits on my drive. WTF do I want it for? Nextdoor refuse to kill their cats victims so I have to but the poor sods out of their misery or leave them to die slowly.

YusMilady - You're supposed to signal before making the maneuver so needing to use both hands to brake and steer should not affect your ability to signal your intentions

YusMilady - I'm with you. Last time I tried signalling and braking at a junction, I went over a bump at the same time, lost balance and ended up crashing into a bin. Comedy moment for the drivers I was signally to but I had bruised tits for a week afterwards ;-)

Pedestrians who step out onto the road in front of traffic while holding one hand up in a 'stop' signal. One day a bus won't be able to stop in time and then you'll be under it.

Drivers who take out their aggression against cyclists, when all I'm doing is sitting patiently (and legally) waiting for a red traffic light to change with my DD in the child seat. Yes, some cyclists are twats. Doesn't give you the right to verbally abuse those of us who aren't, or speed off so close to me that you clip the child seat and endanger our lives. . Yes, this happened last week .

Soooo sorry Pippin23 but sat here PMSL at crashing into bin and bruised tits You poor thing, I hope you're ok

Cyclists inspired by Bradley et al in the Cobham area atm, apparently trying to cover the time trial course with the benefit of added vehicular and pedestrian traffic. I'm sure the two or three ounces those lights weigh would have massively disadvantaged you, but would have been a real help GOING THROUGH THAT RED LIGHT IN THE DARK.

And cycling at full pelt along a path, trying to accelerate through a non-existent gap and knocking an oncoming cyclist flying? The correct response is NOT 'Is my bike OK?', and still less is it 'We've done nothing wrong - there isn't a speed limit'. There should be a bloody IQ limit.

Oh Carole, I just shudder to think of the utter moronic cretins who will be jumping onto bikes thinking that if Bradley Wiggins can do it, so can they

I agree with so many of these! Plus going at full speed the wrong way round the mini roundabout at the end of my road, and on top of a hill How there haven't been more accidents, I'll never know. My other 2 pet hates are lack of indicators and using mobile phones

The fuckers that decided it would be a good idea to chuck a massive block of ice from a bridge over a duel carriageway. It was 11pm, DS was in the car. Be very thankful that the bridge was after the turn off you fucking morons

Anyone who parks over the end of the yellow lines at the main traffic lights in our town.

Generally, I'm in favour of squeezing every inch of free parking out of the miserable council but...

It's a fucking A road with coaches and 38 ton lorries trying to do 90° turns.

If you park there, they end up on the wrong side of the road. Cars end up climbing onto the pavement and it turns into a dangerous mess.

Slightly off topic, but people who slam doors and gates instead of closing them quietly like a civilised human being I'm at home today and have listened to upstairs neighbours SLAM their front door about ten times. Makes me want to scream 'Other people live here too you know you bastards!'

Ooh - minicab drivers who turn up to collect their fares in quiet residential areas at the crack of dawn, and honk their horns. Death wish, much?

And courtesy of my mum, who lives in a rural area - drivers who stop to have a chat with their mate in a car coming the other way down a narrow country road, and are oblivious to the traffic building up behind them getting more and more irate. Despite said traffic honking and yelling at them to get a move on.

Mum was stuck like that for 20 minutes once

'Free the Mumsnet Two'

Fuckityfuck FUCK! terrifying.

To the taxi driver who drove into the back of me the other day. Yes, we were in a queue of traffic waiting for a traffic filter to turn left and yes the first car (two in front of me) did start to move, but then they stopped so I didn't go anywhere and had got my handbrake on. To have you bump into the back of me and then when I drove round the corner carry straight on is bloody annoying.

You only carried on because you didn't want to face me, you fuckwit coward. Pity I couldn't catch the telephone number of your taxi because I would have been reporting you for not stopping at the scene of an accident.

My next car will have a tow hook! (Fortunately I don't think he did any visible damage), but next time it will completely mess up the front of your car. [evil grin].

PigeonPie, what a total arsehole! Hope you're ok

Some people should not be allowed anywhere near a road. Ever.

Thank you Lotta, yes I was, and fortunately I didn't have the DSs in the car at the time (fortunately because the air was exceedingly blue when I realised he hadn't stopped!). It just made an awful crunch, but I'm hoping that because I've got a pretty solid Peugeot estate that not too much damage was done. However, I am seriously considering a tow hook for the next car!

You're supposed to signal before making the maneuver so needing to use both hands to brake and steer should not affect your ability to signal your intentions

Making a manoeuvre on a bike is not like making a manoeuvre in a car. An uneven road surface, a patch of oil, or gravel, a drain cover, a pedestrian walking off the pavement, a car swerving in front of you - all of these mean you have to immediately stop signalling and get both hands back on the bars. In a car, you just stick your blinkers on (well - sometimes, a lot of drivers don't bother these days) and adjust your speed. You can't do that on a bike, and expecting all cyclists in all situations to be able to safely make a hand signal is unreasonable.

People who drive with an Ipod on.

Yes you stupid twat the other day. I pulled over because I heard the sirens, you leaned out of your window to scream abuse at me because you couldn't hear the sirens and you nearly had you head taken off by a fucking ambulance as it went past.

The teenager the other day who stepped out in front of a car because she had an Ipod on and couldn't hear it and she only stopped when I dragged her back by the arm as it screeched to a halt. She looked at me like I was stooopid or summat.