about grandmother's attitude to weight with dd (6) (bit ranty!)

[directoroflegacy]

My mum (late 60s) has always had an issue about weight (I think)
FWIW she is very trim & looks great for her age.

But she always goes on about weight etc - has always done it with me and now does it with my children - it drives me crazy - ds (14) is now old enough to ignore her but dd (6) isn't and she is always saying about puppy fat or like yesterday your puppy fat is going.

I have always said for her not to but she has a habit of completely blanking people who she does not agree with.
Yesterday I had had enough and said calmly please do not keep talking about dd's weight/making an issue out of nothing - she said don't be stupid, she can talk about what she likes and repeated what she had said, so I said no I am her mother and I don't want her to do this.
So she went to sulk in another room - I can see history repeating itself here -
What gets me is that as she is saying your tummy is big she is putting a box full of chocolates/sweeties in front of them and give them pudding etc even if they haven't eaten dinner - this makes me as when I was a child this was a crime !!!!

Don't want to drip feed but this must all stem from her having a thinner, more attractive sister (so people said but having seen photos don't see this) as she was growing up, which must have been crap for her.

Also must point out that neither of my children need to lose weight at all - I think am getting worried as DD does alot of ballet and gymnastics and am paranoid that an unfounded comment from a gran who she adores will set her off into a bad relationship with body image.
So AIBU - making a meal of something (!) which is nothing? or is my mum (not that she'd listen anyway!)

I don't know really

I'm pretty 'shruggy' about things like this as I don't think weight should be a particularly taboo subject.

It's spoken quite openly in our house and always has been...I don't believe that casually mentioning weight causes as many 'ishoos' as never mentioning it.

If it did, why is there an obesity epidemic that doesn't look as though it's going to get better any time soon?

If you know you're daughter isn't fat, 'puppy' or otherwise then I wouldn't worry about it.

Worra - Yes you are the voice of reason - by ME going on I am the one turning it into an ishoo not her!!

You should have met my Mum and my Gran...two plainer talking Irish women you'd never meet in your life...nothing was taboo

Having said that, they wouldn't make anyone feel bad about themselves...but they didn't sugar coat the pill either.

Wonders who I take after

I get what you're saying. Worra, she doesn't want it to be taboo, she wants it to be a non-issue. Her DM is making it an issue, she isn't casually mentioning it. You are right that it should be open, but nobody should be pressuring a child so young IMO.
I had the opposite as a child, and was bullied continuously by other family members for being skinny, I have had problems ever since. Their constant harrassment pushed me to go the other way
Weight should be something that can be mentioned but shouldn't be fixed upon unless there is a major problem, and then it needs delicate handling as there is an existing problem.

Yeah true enough.

Telling her that her puppy fat is going, is probably just as bad as telling her she has it...6yr olds don't really need that sort of talk 'put upon' them.

If the 6yr old had raised it, I would have been fairly frank about what's healthy.

But as she didn't, I see what you mean.

Weight shouldn't be a taboo subject, but if there is honestly honestly honestly nothing to be concerned about then I can't really understand why someone would mention it in the first place.

Is there honestly nothing to be concerned about?

My MIL is like this, it drives me mad. She will always comment on other people's weight, talks about DD2 being a 'sturdy build' - she's only just 2 and a normal sized toddler! She also referred to my 11yo niece's friend as fat, in front of my niece, which I didn't like.

DH has grown up with this, and sometimes makes similar comments, but I have made it clear to him I don't want the DDs to hear him commenting on people's weight.

But a sturdy build is nothing to do with weight and it's often meant as a compliment...meaning the child is healthy and strong.

No, she means fat. Believe me I know. And she often follows it up with 'she takes more after you...'

Haber - no there is honestly nothing to be concerned about - I think my mother has a fear of becoming fat and this is what she doesn't want to happen to my dd.
DD is completely 'normal' - does gymnastics and ballet and looks like the others - slim maybe a bit taller for her age than others but not by much.
Now I am peed off that I am comparing them!

Ahh the most important thing is health anyway.

If a child is eating healthily and getting enough exercise...that's what matters.

Plenty of slim children don't have a healthy diet and don't get enough exercise...but of course you can't tell that by looking at them...unlike fat/overweight children.

If your DD is healthy then she's healthy and your Mum should really know that by now.