to leave dd to tantrum it out?

[Rhubarbgarden]

I don't know what to do and I'm pacing the kitchen. Dd has been having a massive tantrum since 7pm when DH put her to bed. She normally goes to bed really nicely so I'm completely at a loss how to deal with it and I think we've been a bit cack-handed. I've tried reasoning with her, telling her I'm leaving the room and not going back in till she's calmed down then she can have a cuddle, but she just pauses to make me go back in then after a cuddle when I try to put her back in the cot, she totally loses it again. Repeat cycle. This has been going on for an hour and a half and I don't know what to do. DH keeps making it worse by going in and being nice to her by stroking her head etc to calm her down, but then of course she gets hysterical again when he leaves the room too. All the threads I've found on search say ignore ignore ignore, but to just leave her to cry herself to sleep seems so horrible! How do I ignore but reassure at the end when she just starts up again?

How old is she?

How old is she?Is everything else ok with her...not in pain,dirty nappy etc?

How old is she? What caused the tantrum?

2 and 2 months

Cause just seems to be going to bed.

Reasoning isn't going to work, just too young when this upset. Sorry will try to be a bit more helpful but do you have any idea what set her off?

Nothing else the matter with her.

What was different about bedtime tonight compared to other nights when she goes down easily?

She was absolutely fine through all the usual bath, milk, stories then as soon as DH put her in the cot she started screaming 'No no no!' and just escalated the more we tried to calm her down.

Well either your gonna have to sit with her till she falls asleep, (easiest option) or leave her to cry it out, which one do you want to do?

Nothing different from any other night.

She's shut up now, since I started typing this thread. Do I go in and cuddle her now she seems to have calmed down, or just leave it?

I think,if it was me,I'd take her up for tonight and start afresh tomorrow,with just one of you settling her for the night.Especially as it's the first time she has done it.

Its difficult, if mine aren't going to sleep I go in every 5 mins or so, calm them down and then walk out, they are 2 yo. I just keep repeating this until they came down. I couldn't listen to them crying so much at that age plus I don't want them to get so upset that they cannot sleep / throw up.

When DS1 was older we went through a similar phase (it was bloody awful and we wondered where our lovely DS had gone) and we just ignored it or once his reasoning skills kicked in gave him a choice, go to bed straight away with no book / bath etc or have a nice bath, cuddle and a book. He wanted a book etc so calmed down himself.

Posted too soon...no,if she is quiet just leave her until she is asleep.

I used to sit on the landing outside my DS bedroom door, so he could see I hadn't left him, but I didn't interact, talk or go in and pick him up. Just kept it all really boring but safe because I was there with him, until he'd realise I hadn't left him and he'd eventually calm down and drop off to sleep.

Go in and just hold her, tbh it sounds like she is scared of something

This might be a minority view, but my dd goes to bed nicely absolutely most of the time. I've always treated this kind of thing as an emergency and got her up and watched telly with her. I never have trouble the next night, and I haven't made a rod for my back. Happens less than once a month. Maybe four or five times over the last year?

Leave it if shes quiet.

My son every now and then gets like this, I either sit with him me t to his cot until he goes to sleep just holding his hand, whilst browsing online, or if he is passed the point of calming, let him get up have a drink calm down and usually 20 minutes later he's fast asleep having a cuddle and we pop him back.

If she is calm now, i would leave her for 5 minutes or so to see if she'll nod off to sleep.

If she normally goes to bed nicely I would be wondering if she is ill/teething or if something is not right. Is the room too hot? Did she nap for longer than normal?

I would be tempted to give her some calpol then read a book with her and give a drink of milk or water, then try to put her down again when she has calmed down.

How old is your DD?

To me, I'd take the comfort route if she is under ?2yrs, to me it's worth sitting with her until she falls asleep - for my kids this kind of behaviour was a sickness yet to present itself, but later you realise they had ear ache, stomach problems etc.

If over 2yrs or you know WHY the tantrum is happening (they wanted chocolate toothpaste and they can't have it), then let them cry it out. Give in now and you'll get slammed for their demands whenever they feel like pulling a tantrum out of the hat.

Mine really only behaves like this if ill or teething. I normally give the benefit of the doubt and lie him in our bed for a cuddle and then carry him quickly to the cot once asleep. It's a rare occurrence and always related to some kind of discomfort.

I don't think it's any kind of discomfort/illness because as soon as she gets what she wants ie attention/picked up she shuts up and is happy. She seemed angry rather than scared.

She seems to have gone to sleep now - I've just been on the phone to a nanny acquaintance who knows her well and she said to leave her now and check her in an hour when she's in a deep sleep, so I'm going to do that.

Thanks for all the advice/sharing your own stories. It's made me feel a bit better. This child-rearing business never stops throwing up new stuff to deal with, does it?

Has she been having nightmares? Is she verbal enough to articulate what is bothering her?
I'd leave her for tonight and see what happens tomorrow, if it's the same then I'd try to have a quiet talk to her about it.

2 is tricky - there's separation anxiety, wanting to be grown up (i.e. not wanting a cot but a bed), dreams and being able to talk about them - each one needs a different sleep strategy.