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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to look after my own children

25 replies

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 16:42

Instead of paying someone to do it for me?

I only work 20 hours a week and term time this is manageable but school holidays are a Fricking nightmare!!!

Last summer my total childcare for the 6 week holiday was £900, so this summer I've taken 2 weeks off, my partner has taken off a week and I am paying my friend £50 to have my 2 boys for 4 half days a week for the remainder.

Thing is her 4 year old is constantly hitting and biting and kicking my boys and they come away miserable and upset. :(

Sometimes I just wonder if it's really worth it :(

There's no family about and all my other friends have there own kids and plans and I really don't want to have to pay a childminder/holiday club ridiculous amount of money.
I know you can get the tax credit child care help but they spread it over the entire year which means its really not a lot when I really need it over the summer do decided its not worth it.

OP posts:

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 16:43

Should saying £50 a week not for the whole three weeks!!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 06/08/2012 16:44

Can you not get a student who wants to earn money in the summer holidays? Is there a family member you could "employ" perhaps?

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 16:49

All our family are miles away and all work themselves :(

There is my next door neighbours 16 year old who has had them a few hours during the evening I could always ask her I guess. But you know what 16 year olds are like with their social lives

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RaisinDEritrea · 06/08/2012 16:53

ah tricky one

it would be better for your children if they went somewhere else, and you and your partner suck up the expense

I don't know what to suggest, really; I am assuming you would feel uncomfortable saying to your friend Oi your Johnny is upsetting my two with his hitting/biting/kicking.

Check for availability of short term holibobs care before broaching subject?

janey68 · 06/08/2012 16:59

I think your priorities are wrong, frankly. You have only 3 weeks of the summer holiday to cover, and you are begrudging paying a childminder the proper rate. What price can you put on your children's well being? Do you really prefer to watch them getting kicked and hurt by another kid just to say you a few quid? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but its a no brainer. You are still making a lot of money over the year, as it seems you're lucky to not have to pay any childcare termtime.

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:08

I pay childcare during term time, thanks very much. And I don't make much money either - a little over £100 a week as i work for a charity, which is less than I pay a childminder. I don't "begrudge" paying a childminder at all - this is the first year in 11 years that I haven't relied on a childminder.

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janey68 · 06/08/2012 17:12

Ok. Misunderstood your first post as you said term times aren't a problem. Why not use the childminder that you use in term time for the extra holiday care, as you're obviously happy with that.

In holiday time, your outgoings on childcare may well be greater than your income- but over the course of the year you'll still be far better off working. It's 3 weeks, you've been able to cover 3 weeks holiday between you so I just can't see why you wouldnt just pay up and know your kids are fine

SandStorm · 06/08/2012 17:13

It's a bit late for this holiday but do you have an FE college locally that offers childcare courses? If so, would any of their students be looking for placements during the holidays?

forevergreek · 06/08/2012 17:13

Can you change you working days? You say 20 hrs, can you do 2 x10 hr days then you will have the other three days free?
And obv only pay for two days childcare

Sorry but 20 hrs shouldn't be hard to cover.

Can you get an au pair?

PiousPrat · 06/08/2012 17:17

I'm sorry, you decided that tax credit child care being spread over the year makes it too much hassle to claim for, then begrudge paying childcare costs in the holidays?

Do you know how to budget? Can you not claim it and put it aside over the year to cover school holidays?

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2012 17:18

How old are they?

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:18

They go to the after school childcare club during term time so obviously not open holidays.
The childminder I have used for the last 6 years has quit childminding now and it's very hard to find a childminder to have them for just three weeks of the year.

It's hard being a working mum

OP posts:

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:24

Oldest is 12 but spending her time with friends, other 2 are 6&7.

We don't claim any childcare help now, when we did we had 3 different childcare providers over the year and it was so complicated having to keep calling them up every holiday and then when term started to tell them the various costs, all for a little extra a week, and then at the end of the year have to provide receipts for them all to the tax credit office only then to find they have under quoted what we have paid by £700. But we can't claim it back because they only back date for 3 months.

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suzikettles · 06/08/2012 17:29

Can you get childcare vouchers? Now that ds is at school and so I don't need to buy the max amount (obv it's different with 2, but both you and dh could buy them), I buy £30 more per month than I need to save for the holidays. It makes it all a lot less painful and also cheaper because I benefit from the tax saving.

If you can't get childcare vouchers then it'd still be worth dividing your total childcare expense by 12 and saving a bit each month to prevent August pain.

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:29

I haven't looked into vouchers before actually, how do they work?

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janey68 · 06/08/2012 17:31

Yes it is hard being a working mum- but at least you're better off financially than before they started school! (assuming you worked and had them in nursery or with a childminder all day).

I second the idea of using a college/ uni student. Summer vacation is when they'll be back home and desperate to earn. I fully intend to do this in a year or so. My kids are still young enough for holiday clubs, but I imagine before long they'd rather hang out with a cool student .

No, it's not easy being a working mum. Even now I find I'm having to use a childminder to do the holiday club drop off because the club doesn't open until 9 am... Useless for those of us whose working day starts earlier! But when it's a hassle, I thank my lucky stars they're in school now- its a darn sight cheaper over the year than nursery.

suzikettles · 06/08/2012 17:33

You buy them from your pre-tax salary so end up paying less tax. Worth asking if your employer (and dh's employer as you can both join schemes) has an existing scheme or if they'd be willing to set one up. It's v easy for the employer.

My employer uses Fideliti and Busy Bees is another.

They don't expire so you can save them up for as long as you like.

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:35

Thanks suzi, will definitely ask about this

OP posts:

jellybeans · 06/08/2012 17:35

YANBU. Is there anyway you can afford to quit or look for term time only? With you saying childcare is much of your wage. I SAH partly because of the stress etc off childcare. I want to spend the hols with my kids and when they are ill etc. Nothing wrong with that.

Scrutler · 06/08/2012 17:41

Our DD's have (for several years now) spent a week staying at each of their grandparents again these holidays. We have drive 2-3 hours to drop them off but once there they have a blast and do lots of stuff not able to do at home e.g. Lots swimming, trips to beach, trips to london.

Would this be an option for you?

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:50

Unfortunately not, both my parents are still working age, and DP's mother is in her 80s so I couldn't put them on her at that age. DP's sister is working but I think she said a few weeks ago she will be out of her job soon so that's an option possibly, wi get dp to call her tonight.

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Bobyan · 06/08/2012 17:51

Why are you only including your wages in your complaints about the the cost of childcare? Surely it's a family responsibility and your partner's responsibility too?

Bobyan · 06/08/2012 17:51

Why are you only including your wages in your complaints about the the cost of childcare? Surely it's a family responsibility and your partner's responsibility too?

Original poster

JackJacksmummy · 06/08/2012 17:58

I agree BOB but alas, no, he helps pay all the household bills but "forgets" about this one and I end up with it....I'll just get him paying for school uniform in a few weeks

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dixiechick1975 · 06/08/2012 18:03

Yes definitely use childcare vouchers if you can - we save a small amount each month which covers holiday childcare - when they are older you can even use them to pay for activity holidays like keycamp. Both parents can save upto £243 a month if their employer runs the scheme.

Don't dismiss holiday clubs around here they are £10 a day at most.

I personally think a mix is nice for children - so time with you and a few weeks at football/dancing/gymnastics. Mine also has a holiday staying at her grandma's.

Easier to think grass is greener and all the things you could be doing. Think your chilcare is the problem not you at work.

eg last week my DD age 6 was at dancing summer school (£50 for the week) She learnt several different dances/styles she hasn't done before, made a friend and was in the show on the friday. It did wonders for her confidence and she loved going. I worked and picked her up at 3pm. If I had been dropping her off somewhere she was being hit I wouldn't have wanted to go to work either.

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