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Original poster

Thankyou card etiquette

25 replies

rogersmellyonthetelly · 05/08/2012 20:11

Im 37 year old and I've never sent one. Ever. All the gifts I have received either at wedding baptism or birthday I've been able to say Thankyou in person at the time, or over the phone later. Is this enough or is it expected that I send Thankyou cards aswell?

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 05/08/2012 20:13

I've only sent and received them for wedding and baby presents.

SparklingGoldMedals · 05/08/2012 20:15

I send and get the DC to send a Thank You card for every gift I/they receive. It is good manners. But I do know that a lot of people on here are anti-them for various reasons. ie there would be too many to write etc. Sad

MrsFaffnBobbocks · 05/08/2012 20:17

I think a text can be used instead of a card. Whether a verbal thanks is sufficient depends on whether you've opened the gift. Most people will have put some thought and time into their selection. It's good to get some specific feedback - rather than a general thank you. But a general thanks is better than no thanks at all!

FamiliesShareGerms · 05/08/2012 20:19

My rule of thumb is that if i opened the present in front of the person who gave it to me, so I can say thanks in person, no card needed. If not, a card / letter is courteous.

Nancy66 · 05/08/2012 20:20

No, i don't think you need to send a card as well.

LogonMounstuart · 05/08/2012 20:21

I don't send them if I receive a gift in person and can say thank you then. I do send them for all other gifts I or DS receive. I know they are appreciated my certain relatives. Also know a number of family members who are offended not to receive them. You can offend by not sending but not by sending so in regards to respecting other people's feelings I think it is best to send. Doesn't take long to write a few cards!

CharminglyOdd · 05/08/2012 20:24

I think thanks at point of opening is okay, although I would also send a card to an older or more traditional person. If you don't open the present in front of them then always a thank you card. Only exception to the last are my friends who would prefer an email instead.

I think one-off occasion presents (weddings, baptisms etc.) every gift giver, regardless of whether you open in front of them or not, should get a card to also show appreciation for them coming.

austenozzy · 05/08/2012 20:24

Agree with Germs. If you're there, in the flesh, then a thankyou and some appreciative cooing about the lovely pressie is acceptable. If it's sent, or handed on by someone, then a card is the way to go.

austenozzy · 05/08/2012 20:25

Having said that, as a kid I had to write thanks letters. I intend to make my daughter write them when she's able, so perhaps that's a 'do as i say not as i do' double standard that parents are allowed!

YouOldSlag · 05/08/2012 20:27

I get my DS (age 6) to write thank you cards to people as a way of teaching him to appreciate stuff. Also, relatives love getting a hand written card from him and often keep it.

I agree if the giver can be thanked verbally at the time, then no need for a card as well.

neveradullmomentinparadise · 05/08/2012 20:54

Both my DD have been to several parties where we put the present on a 'present table' as we arrive, and never hear a word in thanks, by card or verbally, on the day or afterwards. We always spend time picking out a special present and card, and I can't help feeling really disappointed that the thought isn't even acknowledged. And it's always people we see most days on the school run and chat to. I am genuinely perplexed about this, and wonder: perhaps people think the only thanks necessary is us to them for inviting DD to the party?? (Obviously we do this anyway). I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this.

Nanny0gg · 05/08/2012 21:01

What FamiliesShareGerms said.

iggi777 · 05/08/2012 22:48

I always send them if it's a present for a dc. Not if it was for me - I'd say thanks in person or make a phonecall. I intend to get the dcs to write their own when they're old enough - I do think it is a chore, but would feel wrong not to do it. Ds got some gifts from children at his nursery last birthday, and they were opened there so I've no way to know who sent what - I feel guilty still that I can't do thank yous for them!

darksecret · 05/08/2012 23:43

I've been taught to always send a card. It's easy to do and brings pleasure. Why not? Always after being offered hospitality. Never by text! I don't know why.

ilovesooty · 05/08/2012 23:52

I had to write them as a child and I think a card, letter or phone call (not a text) is basic manners.

YouOldSlag · 06/08/2012 08:39

neveradullmoment- in answer to your question, when DS has party and school friends give him gifts I still get him to write thank you cards and hand them out discreetly at the school gates to the parents. I also make a point of talking about the gift such as "he loved that Ben 10 game you bought, he's played with it loads" etc.

We go to a lot of trouble to get his friends good birthday gifts so I know what it's like to go unacknowledged.

BeeBawBabbity · 06/08/2012 08:46

39yo here, never sent one either. Doesn't mean I never say thanks, there are other ways. Mind you I didn't have a big wedding or any christenings.

Can't believe someone would take offence if they didn't get a thank you card (maybe if they didn't get a thank you at all). The threads have surprised me.

Original poster
rogersmellyonthetelly · 06/08/2012 09:05

I just don't get it tbh. If someone has been kind enough to buy a gift I say Thankyou. Surely saying Thankyou in person is just as good as a card or letter?
I'm not a big fan of cards in general as I think we as a society are becoming card obsessed and wasting a lot of trees!

OP posts:
pictish · 06/08/2012 09:15

I agree OP. Thank you notes are right up there with Christmas cards in the pointless and time comsuming stakes.

If the gift giver is there in person to give me (or my child) a gift, then I think a thank you in person suffices.

Otherwise if it was passed on through someone else, or the post say...then I would make a quick phone call to say thank you.

Don't get me wrong....I do think thanks is always required.....but it's not the be all and end all.
I remember when we had ds1 and all the relatives sent gifts and clothes for our new baby....it was lovely....but I was exhausted and my head was mince at that time...and I really could have done without writing 30 notes and addressing envelopes at that time. I would rather have called everyone instead, but my mum insisted it had to be a handwritten note.

I think it would be better if we all crawled out of our own butts and stopped expecting thank you notes. A phone call should be enough.

iggi777 · 06/08/2012 09:36

I've received many new baby and birthday gifts from distant relatives/friends of the inlaws who I've never met and never will. Gifts from my own side of the family come through the post due to where they live. Many of these people are also older, and I do think enjoy and probably expect a thank you letter.
It's a follow-up: like sending a text or ringing a friend who has cooked you a meal to say thank you - you did it at the time but the follow-up one shows you really appreciated their effort.

pictish · 06/08/2012 09:38

By the way - if I buy a children's gift for a birthday party, I do not expect a thank you note.

Was at a party on Saturday there - the mum said thank you when I handed the prezzie over, and that was good enough for me.

MyLastDuchess · 06/08/2012 09:56

I live on the other side of the world from my family, and a lot of baby gifts came by post or were brought over by someone else coming to visit. I sent thank-you cards for all of these sorts of gifts so that the givers would at least know that they turned up! However I agree that in most circumstances it's just not necessary.

iggi777 · 06/08/2012 12:20

But a thank you said when handing a present over, means you don't actually know what the present was - some people give really thoughtful gifts and I do like to thank them.
I do think thank you notes are really about the children writing them, and it's hard to see why that's not a good idea.

TheSmallClanger · 06/08/2012 12:26

We don't do notes or cards, but we do say thankyou, either in person, or via a phone call usually. Around Christmas, it's a nice excuse to ring family members for a chat anyway.
We don't have a big family with lots of obscure relatives though.

BelRowley · 06/08/2012 12:48

I send cards as I think it is the nicest way to express your gratitude. However if you are thanking people in some way I don't think it matters how. What really annoys me are people who don't acknowledge gifts in any way so you don't know if things have arrived/ if the birthday boy or girl realised they were from you etc

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